Riot21 Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 Do these types of people ever change depending on who they're with?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 Do these types of people ever change depending on who they're with? Pathologically, I suspect that they are consistent regardless with whom they are with. They may deviate from their typical behavior at times, calculated, but it doesn't take long before they return to their lies and/or cheating. Do people change? Of course, but not always, right? And not always permanently. 1
carhill Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 Absolutes are tricky. However, consistent past behavior can be a strong indicator of future behavior. Think about how lying and cheating (not necessarily in relationships) has occurred in your own life. Pervasive? Once in awhile? Specific instances? Whatever it is, examine why and those answers should assist in developing a pattern that is generally human, accepting each of us is different. In general, people lie and cheat to benefit themselves, either to gain something or prevent loss of something.
BaileyB Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 Absolutes are tricky. However, consistent past behavior can be a strong indicator of future behavior. In general, people lie and cheat to benefit themselves, either to gain something or prevent loss of something. I agree. The best predictor of future behavior is often past behavior. If an individual has an attitude of entitlement or has successfully been able to lie and cheat to solve problems and get what they want in life... well, that is unlikely to change. Personally, if I knew someone was a liar and had cheated in the past, I would be unwilling to gamble on the chance that it wouldn't happen to me. To think that someone will lie and cheat others, but not you, is very naive. 1
Akashsingh Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 If someone cheated me or was a liar, the game was over. Each fresh person I meet, I give them a fair chance without any judgement of their past.
bluecastle Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 I think it depends less about "who they're with" than "where they are in life." 1
jjgitties Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Do these types of people ever change depending on who they're with? This is wayyy too broad a statement and can not be applied to the complex human brain and mind?
lostinlove44 Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 (edited) Do these types of people ever change depending on who they're with? Yes it depends...my ex is a serial cheater...we became best friends later and told me all about it...we have been friends now for a few years, cheated on other partners with me then (I was always single, eclusive and in love with her), even dated her again for a while years later, but friends now....i dont think she can help herself...they do have a great but somewhat unsteady life...she sometimes is miserable for no reason, and hurtful to all she loves...but she has another side as anyone, gentle caring, and awesome...im sometimes envious of her, as I could never do that to anyone...but im not the one to jugde anymore...For me is luck that she sort of took me into her wing after our initial breakup and has been honest ever since...I had been cheated on many times before in other relationships....so i always wanted to know how they live day to day with themselves...Now i know, its been a painful road but quite an experience....oh they are mostly happy about cheating and jumping from relationship to relationship, its a like a special power they have, i've told her many times...the misery they live with is there with them, is not because they miss us, its there from before. I mean they do miss us of course, but not, in any way, like we miss them...for they are not alone... Edited December 27, 2017 by lostinlove44
Been Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 The easiest way is to look at their past- if they have a history of always cheating on almost everyone I'll put money on it that eventually they will cheat on you. They will usually "change" when they are getting something- money,attention, gifts etc but when that stops they will revert back to their old ways. Of all the cheaters that I know of- and this includes people I'm friends with- I've never seen them completely stop cheating. I've seen them tone it down but eventually resume it.
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 Most people lie and cheat to give themselves an advantage, to gain power, to cover up bad behaviour on their part, to get what THEY want... It is a selfish trait and so as it is usually of benefit to themselves, why would they give it up? There are also the thrill seekers, who lie because they can and it is fun for them. Again, unless they got badly burnt, why would they stop? I also think some people are not really in tune with the truth, they live in fantasy and are genuinely unsure where the truth and lies start and end. We can also all lie to make others feel better about themselves, to get ourselves out of awkward situations, to maintain social bonds, or to get ourselves out of danger, so it is not all bad. 1
Author Riot21 Posted December 29, 2017 Author Posted December 29, 2017 My ex lies about everything. Cheats on his new gf with me. Cheated on me. Forged documents to get out of a lease. Lies about telling me things when he didn't.
BaileyB Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 My ex lies about everything. Cheats on his new gf with me. Cheated on me. Forged documents to get out of a lease. Lies about telling me things when he didn't. Well, what does this mean? Do you think that he loves you so much that he will somehow change who he is... When someone shows you who they are, believe them. 1
Author Riot21 Posted December 29, 2017 Author Posted December 29, 2017 He is an insecurechesting liar under the guise of being a super sweet and caring guy who cares so much about others feelings he will go through the pain of lying to keep them happy...... ok bro
Arieswoman Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Riot21, You asked Do these types of people ever change depending on who they're with? No. The dynamics of the relationship may change but they never change their core personality. This is why there are so many warnings on this site not to get involved with married/attached people. Everyone think that they will be the exception "he'll never cheat on me, he loves me too much" - this is sheer delusion. If lying/cheating is the way these people get their needs met, ask yourself why they would change a way of operating that is really working for them? 1
Author Riot21 Posted December 29, 2017 Author Posted December 29, 2017 He always looks st my Instagram story. I can see who see someone it. He looks it up multiple times a day still. And is seeing someone new and lying to her about ****ing me. He cheated on me too and blamed me for it and couldn't tell the full truth. Which sucked.
HumanMachine Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 He always looks st my Instagram story. I can see who see someone it. He looks it up multiple times a day still. And is seeing someone new and lying to her about ****ing me. He cheated on me too and blamed me for it and couldn't tell the full truth. Which sucked. You seem to have two threads running about the same thing - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/646868-thoughts-situation Why are you so obsessed with your ex lying? It’s not your problem. Just block him from social media and move on.
Author Riot21 Posted December 29, 2017 Author Posted December 29, 2017 Because he conditioned me to believe that I made him lie all the time. That I was the problem. That I was at fault. I was too emotional I was too needy. I was too much when I would expres my concerns and he would wave me off with false promises he couldn't keep. Now that he lied to a new girl it's great to see that he is just a liar and a cheater and it isn't my fault at all!!!
HumanMachine Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Because he conditioned me to believe that I made him lie all the time. That I was the problem. That I was at fault. I was too emotional I was too needy. I was too much when I would expres my concerns and he would wave me off with false promises he couldn't keep. Now that he lied to a new girl it's great to see that he is just a liar and a cheater and it isn't my fault at all!!! Fine, okay.. it isn’t your fault. Now what?
Author Riot21 Posted December 29, 2017 Author Posted December 29, 2017 I guess time to move on. Knowing he was just a liar and I shouldn't hate myself for him lying to me. Because he will lie to anyone to get what he wants or to avoid getting in trouble.
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