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For All of Us Spending the First Holidays Alone After a Breakup

1fish2fish

By 1fish2fish
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

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The "firsts" after a breakup are the hardest to get through - first birthday alone, first Christmas apart, first NYE, etc. etc. Nostalgia kicks in and we let it cause irrational behaviors in ourselves - like reaching out to say "Merry Christmas"...or responding to breadcrumbs...all in the name of "the Spirit of Christmas."

 

Such bullsh*t.

 

I read this recently and have been reading it over and over because it brings me comfort, so I thought I'd share it here. We are all struggling in some way, and I'm glad I'm in such good company.

 

Basically, this is how to deal with holidays that are manufactured to celebrate the joy of togetherness while also passively exploiting our*loneliness.

 

 

"The holidays are ALL about nostalgia and that’s great. It’s what makes this time of year so magical. Just make sure you don’t allow emotional nostalgia to infiltrate to the point that you ever condone anyone’s dishonoring of you by re-engaging/responding/gift giving, in light of “the holiday spirit.” Tomorrow won’t be a holiday and you’ll be left with a regret hangover without the life raft of dignity to keep you afloat.

 

There is no need to text, call or send a card/gift to anyone who disrespected you, hurt you, lied to you, broke your trust, and consistently devalued you. It’s JUST a holiday. It will pass. What won’t pass is the fact that they sh*t the emotional bed. Holidays don’t have the power to emotionally potty train f*cktard people nor SHOULD they have the power to give you selective amnesia."

 

"Just because your ex isn’t calling you, it doesn’t mean that they’re not thinking of you. They may know that by reaching out, they would be reasonably expected to do 4 things that goes beyond their emotional range: be honest, accountable, empathetic and responsible. And that’s okay. Remember – they have nothing new to say. And there’s really nothing they could EVER say that would give their actions justification or you better closure than you can provide for yourself.

 

You don’t have to text anyone back in the name of holiday cheer. If texting back would cost you in any way or feel like a self-betrayal on ANY level… it’s too expensive. Know when to fold."

 

 

And to all, a good night.

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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This is also a poignant time to remember to love yourself, forgive yourself....forgive others so that you are able to do the previous two. You cannot change the past, but don't let bitterness control you.

 

I'm learning to forgive (in all forms). I am single, but not alone. I regret, but uplifted by my recent decision to let the one I love(d) go to heal as I need to heal.

 

Keep busy my friend. Be active and work on YOU...only YOU can do that.

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Glx Established Member

Glx

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"Post Male Syndrome" blog? :laugh:

I just LOVE this blog and the author, Natasha. I read it so many times after every break up of mine! She is great.

I really suggest you to read all the articles about break ups in her blog. It will give you so much comfort and you ll feel so much better. She has one more post that was written one or to years before, also about coping with heartbreak during holidays. :)

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1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

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"Post Male Syndrome" blog? :laugh:

I just LOVE this blog and the author, Natasha. I read it so many times after every break up of mine! She is great.

I really suggest you to read all the articles about break ups in her blog. It will give you so much comfort and you ll feel so much better. She has one more post that was written one or to years before, also about coping with heartbreak during holidays. :)

 

 

YES!!!!!

 

I read all her articles and blog entries, and her stuff is pure gold.

 

She has helped through this stupid breakup in so many ways!!!!

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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I hate the festive period but I’m missing her for some reason today.. we actually had a huge argument (normality) on Christmas eve last year which left me stranded outside her house for a couple of hours until she eventually let me in..

 

As sad as it sounds, Wednesday I will be back at work.. which I am grateful for!

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1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

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I hate the festive period but I’m missing her for some reason today.. we actually had a huge argument (normality) on Christmas eve last year which left me stranded outside her house for a couple of hours until she eventually let me in..

 

As sad as it sounds, Wednesday I will be back at work.. which I am grateful for!

 

Not sad at all!

 

Christmas is just a another day. :)

 

(And what an awful memory to have - stranded outside her house for hours on Christmas Eve last year?? This year is already so much better!)

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted

 

As sad as it sounds, Wednesday I will be back at work.. which I am grateful for!

 

When you have too much idle time, things can happen! :p

 

“So it is with minds. Unless you keep them busy with some definite subject that will bridle and control them, they throw themselves in disorder hither and yon in the vague field of imagination... And there is no mad or idle fancy that they do not bring forth in the agitation.”

― Michel de Montaigne

 

I have found keeping myself busy and relevant, creative, is what helps me from thinking too much about my ex and the mistakes I have made. It truly is helpful. Like I said, dating to forget, isn't nearly as effective for me.

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL AND LET'S MAKE 2018 MUCH HEALTHIER THAN 2017 WAS!

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1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

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I have found keeping myself busy and relevant, creative, is what helps me from thinking too much about my ex and the mistakes I have made. It truly is helpful. Like I said, dating to forget, isn't nearly as effective for me.

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL AND LET'S MAKE 2018 MUCH HEALTHIER THAN 2017 WAS!

 

Love this!

 

Yes, yes and YES!

bluecastle Established Member

bluecastle

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You really made my day with this one—a nice dose of strength and perspective as I navigate the trenches of a breakup. Best to you and yours.

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1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

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Blu- We got this. We just need to keep our perspective and our dignity.

 

Wishing you peace this holiday season. Xoxo

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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Thank you for this.

 

There aren't too many things I can say I am grateful for but I am grateful for LS. A place where we can keep eachother afloat. The one place I am still able to see humanity and love in action. I hope the bad experiences we've all faced make us the kind of people this world needs more of. Let it not be in vain.

 

Ps. We should treat ourselves to something nice. Atleast once. Whatever it is. We deserve it.

 

- Beachead

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Mystyry Established Member

Mystyry

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Such a nice thread and a needed one.

 

Happy holidays, everyone! Like you, I find myself in a similar situation, missing my ex and what would have been. Treacherous human mind that only concentrates on positive memories in such moments, and not negative ones. Thankfully, there is friends, and LS, and threads like this to ground you.

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toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

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Happy holidays everyone !! Seriously LS community is such a sweet community sometimes i wish i know you by person !!! Enjoy your holidays with people you love and think about how you will have even happier holidays in the future with someone new you will meet !! life is pretty much awesome :)

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