Finding someone special

[Bullseye]

Hi there I'm a male in my early 20's. Lately I've been tired of my lifestyle of being with random women and I seek some more meaningful such as a relationship with a woman. The one problem I have is I've never been in a relationship and I don't know exactly how to get in one (Have dated before). I'm good at making conversation and I feel comfortable talking to women. But at what point do you ask a girl to be your girlfriend. Is there a certain number of dates? and who usually brings it up? And how would you bring it up if you do? I'm confused and I feel like women have lost interest in me because I don't bring it up. Thanks

[healing light]

My boyfriend asked me to be exclusive with him after 4 dates (2.5 weeks after we met). I think this was a bit fast, but I think generally men ask to make it official between 1-3 months of dating.

 

I'm old-fashioned in that I would never ask the man to be my boyfriend--I think the big milestones should be done by the man (the exclusivity question, the I love you's, the moving in discussions, the proposal, etc.). Most of the women I know feel similarly.

 

My boyfriend actually asked me over text, but I think it's best done in person. A simple, "I really enjoy our time together and would like to be exclusive with you. Would you like to be my girlfriend?" kind of statement should do the trick.

[GemmaUK]

In my experience men tend to fall quicker than women.

If you feel it, give it a week or two more and say something.

 

If you don't say anything ever then don't expect anything to turn into a relationship.

 

Much of it is actually taking responsibility for how you feel about a person and acting upon it. If you don't validate things with words then a dating partner will never necessarily know how you do feel.

 

Communication = crucial unless you are dating a mind reader.

[Bullseye]

Thanks! Now I have a better idea. One more question is better to ask directly or indirectly

[GemmaUK]

Thanks! Now I have a better idea. One more question is better to ask directly or indirectly

 

Being direct makes the message clear and gives the other person the option to think about it and agree or decline.

 

Being indirect can be ambiguous.

[central]

Just don't expect this first serious relationship to last. You'll probably have at least several serious gfs before you find someone for the long term. Even then, take your time before you even consider marriage - 2 to 3 years minimum. Read the threads here to understand what can go wrong, and how to avoid those issues, and you'll be far ahead of most men your age when it comes to making a wise choice.

[No_Go]

But at what point do you ask a girl to be your girlfriend.

Preferably before the first sex.

 

Is there a certain number of dates?

No, whenever you feel like sex is coming up, or about 4-6 weeks dating, whatever comes first.

 

and who usually brings it up?

The man.

 

And how would you bring it up if you do?

"I really enjoy spending time with you and would love to be exclusive with you. Would you be my girlfriend?"

 

 

Hi there I'm a male in my early 20's. Lately I've been tired of my lifestyle of being with random women and I seek some more meaningful such as a relationship with a woman. The one problem I have is I've never been in a relationship and I don't know exactly how to get in one (Have dated before). I'm good at making conversation and I feel comfortable talking to women. But at what point do you ask a girl to be your girlfriend. Is there a certain number of dates? and who usually brings it up? And how would you bring it up if you do? I'm confused and I feel like women have lost interest in me because I don't bring it up. Thanks

[No_Go]

I would never ask the man to be my boyfriend--I think the big milestones should be done by the man (the exclusivity question, the I love you's, the moving in discussions, the proposal, etc.). Most of the women I know feel similarly.

 

If you look at this forum - men are too PC / scared, and women turn to aspiring wifeys ("Where is ma riiiiiiiing? Ring or else!!!")

[snowboy91]

But at what point do you ask a girl to be your girlfriend.

Preferably before the first sex.

 

Is there a certain number of dates?

No, whenever you feel like sex is coming up, or about 4-6 weeks dating, whatever comes first.

 

and who usually brings it up?

The man.

 

And how would you bring it up if you do?

"I really enjoy spending time with you and would love to be exclusive with you. Would you be my girlfriend?"

 

I disagree with a lot here... but everyone is different. You'll get a million different opinions here.

 

But at what point do you ask a girl to be your girlfriend.

When you feel as if a girl is someone you want to date exclusively, and develop more of a connection with. You'll know if you do, and you'll certainly know if you don't. It may be before or after first sex (for me it was definitely after!)

 

Is there a certain number of dates?

There isn't an exact number. See point above.

 

and who usually brings it up?

Historically it's the man. But as an advocate for equality I say it should be done by whoever actually wants the relationship. Some women I know have been the one to bring it up to their (about to become) boyfriends. I don't believe in any games of who should do what - if two people want to be in a relationship, bringing it up is just a small element of the process.

 

And how would you bring it up if you do?

Ok this one as above.

[smackie9]

Dude it isn't about timing, it's about how you feel for the person, and how they feel about you....the closeness, emotional intimacy is key. Your random dating has made you not feel or want to get close to someone. You will have to figure this one out on your own.