Author surferchic Posted December 30, 2017 Author Posted December 30, 2017 I don't think he is being a fool. I think he just doesn't know where he stands at all. You have been the flakier of the two of you from the sound of it. Maybe starting dating when you know you have lots of trips imminent plus moving away completely isn't the best plan. Hmmm. I feel like "flaker" is a bit harsh. My travel shouldn't be blamed. Why can't he come out and VERBALIZE ? ughhh. To me, it feels like he's playing a game. I've tried to be open with him and ask if he is bothered or ever upset with me. He'll never admit it.ive even been forthcoming about some stuff that I didn't need to be in order to "pacify" him... for lack of a better word. I don't know... maybe you're right about this maybe not being a good time to date but I feel like if he really cares he would tell me what's going on in his freakin head... seriously.
Author surferchic Posted December 30, 2017 Author Posted December 30, 2017 Am I supposed to ask to talk to him when he isn't even telling me that he was traveling before hand. He supposedly went out of town 2 days ago and hasn't made contact with me all day yesterday... it's like he wants me to think or KNOW that he's probably seeing someone or doing something other than what he told me he traveled for. I hate this b.s.
BaileyB Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 You need to break up with this guy. This relationship is not going to go the distance when you move. It's hard to tell from your posts if this relationship is just not working out, or if you lack the maturity to have a serious relationship right now. I think it's both. And, with kindness, you should probably be single and focus on getting settled/making new friends wherever you are going. Give dating a break for a while. Good luck to you.
Author surferchic Posted December 31, 2017 Author Posted December 31, 2017 So.... I will make a decision that I feel is best for myself and discuss it with my guy. I don't NEED to do ANYTHING. Bullies have no place in this thread. If you're that angry or bitter about your personal past please check yourself before posting... not just here, but anywhere. Me nor my guy is perfect. Right now though it's difficult for me to know his feelings in this situation because he doesn't verbalized his more intense feelings most of the time. And I can't read his mind. I care for him dearly and just want to make sure I'm not acting hastily, which is usually my MO when things get difficult in my relationships. Thanks as always for the constructive feedback.
BaileyB Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I'm sorry that you were upset by my comments. They were offered with only the best of intentions. Good luck - I hope things work out for you.
viatori patuit Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Greetings. First I understand your points. As a guy dating is hard for us as well. The whole idea of being vulnerable is difficult to deal with. Now, for actual feedback I osee a few things. 1. You seem emotional and distrustful. 2. This guy seems a bit immature. You can’t change him but you can change you. I doubt anyone can change their style overnight. But you can start with focusing on your behavior. If you do something wrong, apologize. By owning up to your own faults you will see what he is really made of. If he likes you and wants more it will be aparent. Of course I only see what you type so I could be way off. Good luck.
LilySun Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 So, another BIG thing going on right now is that I'm moving away... like 6 hours away. I told him a few weeks ago and he was like "wow..." and reminded me that he'd like to go to this workshop with me that I attend once a week. So I told him we can aim for this weekend which is my last weekend here. Of course I'm glad he's interested in doing things with me that give him a view into my life. But... in texting "good morning handsome" to him this morning and him texting back "hey SEXY!!!", I ended up asking him if he'd come visit me. He said "DEFINITELY". When I asked him how often, he only said " I don't know". I stopped communication at that point because it made me feel like crap... so I'm a bit ambivalent about him right now. I'm never a b*tch to people unless I've absolutely been disrespected. I respect his honesty of saying he didn't know, but dang... couldn't he at least say "I don't know RIGHT NOW" or "not sure yet"? Am I wrong for expecting more of a response? Ughhh I hate stuff like this... He will probably want to visit as much as possible, but he can't predict exactly how often that would be. That's why he doesn't know. It might be a thing you guys have to play by ear or with planning in advance. It will depend on your schedules, etc. 1
Author surferchic Posted December 31, 2017 Author Posted December 31, 2017 (edited) Greetings. First I understand your points. As a guy dating is hard for us as well. The whole idea of being vulnerable is difficult to deal with. Now, for actual feedback I osee a few things. 1. You seem emotional and distrustful. 2. This guy seems a bit immature. You can’t change him but you can change you. I doubt anyone can change their style overnight. But you can start with focusing on your behavior. If you do something wrong, apologize. By owning up to your own faults you will see what he is really made of. If he likes you and wants more it will be aparent. Of course I only see what you type so I could be way off. Good luck. Yep, that seems to be an accurate assessment I am distrustful and he can be a bit immature. Even my therapist said it. And my therapist also knows I'm distrustful. I'm a bit emotional now I guess because he was just out of town so he said and didn't tell me until he was actually there. The pattern seems to be , everytime I travel he supposedly will go to the same exact place once I return and makes little to no contact which is what I did when I was away but only because my travel has been work related mainly and here was less time to communicate. This time I guess he called himself beating me to the chase and going out of town before I leave for good. He knows I'm leaving in a day or two and didn't tell me until he actually was already "supposedly" out of town & returning today and is being really vague about seeing me today , he just says he will see me. With the other little intangibles in our dynamic, it really is evident that whether or not he's actually out of town or not , it's all too bizarre that he "says" he travels to the exact same places AFTER I tell him where I go or am going. It's like a competition of some sort or him trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. Him supposedly following my trail 3 times in a row (always within 2-3 days of my travel or return) is without a doubt a bit wierd. Edited December 31, 2017 by surferchic
Author surferchic Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 He hasn't even asked what time I'm leaving and hasn't contacted me today. He was supposed be coming back in town...smh. This can't be all my fault. I haven't dont anything TO him.
rightondude Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Yep, that seems to be an accurate assessment I am distrustful and he can be a bit immature. Even my therapist said it. And my therapist also knows I'm distrustful. I'm a bit emotional now I guess because he was just out of town so he said and didn't tell me until he was actually there. The pattern seems to be , everytime I travel he supposedly will go to the same exact place once I return and makes little to no contact which is what I did when I was away but only because my travel has been work related mainly and here was less time to communicate. This time I guess he called himself beating me to the chase and going out of town before I leave for good. He knows I'm leaving in a day or two and didn't tell me until he actually was already "supposedly" out of town & returning today and is being really vague about seeing me today , he just says he will see me. With the other little intangibles in our dynamic, it really is evident that whether or not he's actually out of town or not , it's all too bizarre that he "says" he travels to the exact same places AFTER I tell him where I go or am going. It's like a competition of some sort or him trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. Him supposedly following my trail 3 times in a row (always within 2-3 days of my travel or return) is without a doubt a bit wierd. yeah this sounds like some game playin ... you could call BS by asking for specifics on the places you're already been?
Author surferchic Posted January 2, 2018 Author Posted January 2, 2018 yeah this sounds like some game playin ... you could call BS by asking for specifics on the places you're already been? Yep. So we did spend NYE together and some of New Year's Day. It was a good night and he ended up telling me some things that I figured we're going on his head anyway. Pertaining to me moving away, he's had that on his mind. Go figure this though. I'm moving away right. So he tells me today that he's now thinking about moving... WHAT IS THAT ABOUT...? I'm glad he's thinking and I wish we could be together where I move to but I'm not sure realistically how long we will last once I move. Either way he really does OFFICIALLY have a thing with mocking my moves/travels... new trend amongst men...???
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