THe guy im interested wants to be an actor?

[MEOrtega]

As you can tell by the title I’m kind of in a dilema. I really like the guy but he’s 23 at a community college and is going for acting or well theatre to be exact and it’s kind of holding me back. My parents aren’t exactly happy either once I told them what he wanted to do. He was originally a biology major and was about to graduate but changed at the last minute. He does photography on the side and has gotten a few gigs from people he knows. I just don’t really know if I should continue this because of what he wants to do in his future and I don’t like being that person that thinks someone’s has no future if they want to go into acting. Unfortunately I do sound like that but I also need to think of a future as well since I’m already in my 20s as well. Does that make sense?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

As you can tell by the title I’m kind of in a dilema. I really like the guy but he’s 23 at a community college and is going for acting or well theatre to be exact and it’s kind of holding me back. My parents aren’t exactly happy either once I told them what he wanted to do. He was originally a biology major and was about to graduate but changed at the last minute. He does photography on the side and has gotten a few gigs from people he knows. I just don’t really know if I should continue this because of what he wants to do in his future and I don’t like being that person that thinks someone’s has no future if they want to go into acting. Unfortunately I do sound like that but I also need to think of a future as well since I’m already in my 20s as well. Does that make sense?

 

Well, as a mother of teenagers, I guess my answer is that it all comes down to work ethic. I don't think he should abandon his dream, but if he's got a strong work ethic to do something to earn money/support himself WHILE pursuing his dream, great. If he's the type to remain in permanent pot smoking/starving artist mode, absolutely not.

[smackie9]

You are only 20....he's just a BF. If it doesn't pan out, you have plenty of time to find yourself a husband. So don't sweat it.

[basil67]

As long as he has a day job, I wouldn't sweat it. Is he going to a quality drama school?

[LilySun]

What are his goals? To become a rich and famous movie star? Or does he just want to study and work in theater? I'd say it depends on how realistic his ultimate goal is.

 

Also is he aware that this industry can be a big struggle in the real world? Is he prepared to fall back on something if it doesn't pan out the way he'd like?

 

Just fyi I have a friend that studied at theater school in Chicago but now she is an apartment manager. She isn't unhappy or anything, but the degree didn't get her very far. I don't see anything wrong with it long as a person knows this is a possibility and finds a 2nd passion per say.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Just fyi I have a friend that studied at theater school in Chicago but now she is an apartment manager. She isn't unhappy or anything, but the degree didn't get her very far. I don't see anything wrong with it long as a person knows this is a possibility and finds a 2nd passion per say.

 

Agree. And acting in local community theater looks really fun and is probably a great hobby.

[mortensorchid]

As long as he has a day job I don't see what's wrong with his wanting to be an actor. I am concerned, however, that he changed things at the last minute before finishing in the biology area. He may practice this in other aspects of his life as well. True, you are both barely 20 and you have much ahead of you both, but he may be this way in other ways about things. Know how many guys I went out with who were in rock bands in my day who broke up with me because I did not support their music careers? And how many of them play now that I/they are in their early 40s? Maybe 20% of them, if that. Musicians are a different breed than actors but not by much.

[MEOrtega]

Well, as a mother of teenagers, I guess my answer is that it all comes down to work ethic. I don't think he should abandon his dream, but if he's got a strong work ethic to do something to earn money/support himself WHILE pursuing his dream, great. If he's the type to remain in permanent pot smoking/starving artist mode, absolutely not.

 

 

He has a strong work ethic he does some photography on the side because professors have gotten him the job. He says he has a professional portfolio put together for that as well. I agree he shouldn’t abandon it and definetly should have a secure backup. Thanks for the input!

[LilySun]

Agree. And acting in local community theater looks really fun and is probably a great hobby.

 

Reminds me of all the musicians I know. They love it but it's only a side gig in addition to their full time, steady job. If your boyfriend is okay with that possibility in life then he's thinking responsibly. If his mind is on running off to Hollywood to get a big break, I understand why you might be reluctant.

[jjgitties]

Well, why are you passing judgement on his future. You are not his mother. You are dating him. Let him discover and find what he wants to do and let him pursue it. He will never know if he's any good at it unless he actually tries it. For all you know, he might discover he is a lot better at it than most other people who are trying to be actors. But he will never know if he doesn't try.

[MEOrtega]

As long as he has a day job, I wouldn't sweat it. Is he going to a quality drama school?

 

I wouldn’t say it’s a quality drama school. It’s a community college (which Is like a 2 year school) and I’m not really into the theatre world to know much about quality drama schools but I’ll try and do some research. We’re both in the New York City area so he might have a lot of theatres opportunity (maybe not acting but backstage stuff?) and he’s looking to go to one of 2 schools when he graduates so.

Unfortunately he has no day job. He does photography on the side but i don’t think it’s steady cash coming in.

[MEOrtega]

Well, why are you passing judgement on his future. You are not his mother. You are dating him. Let him discover and find what he wants to do and let him pursue it. He will never know if he's any good at it unless he actually tries it. For all you know, he might discover he is a lot better at it than most other people who are trying to be actors. But he will never know if he doesn't try.

 

I’m not really passing judgement, never said he wasn’t good or shouldn’t try. I just wanted some advice and input from some people about dating someone in this position. Thank you for replying though!

[MEOrtega]

As long as he has a day job I don't see what's wrong with his wanting to be an actor. I am concerned, however, that he changed things at the last minute before finishing in the biology area. He may practice this in other aspects of his life as well. True, you are both barely 20 and you have much ahead of you both, but he may be this way in other ways about things. Know how many guys I went out with who were in rock bands in my day who broke up with me because I did not support their music careers? And how many of them play now that I/they are in their early 40s? Maybe 20% of them, if that. Musicians are a different breed than actors but not by much.

 

Yeah that’s what makes afraid of :/ he really seems like a sweet guy and I’ve thought about pursuing a relationship with him but I’m just kind of lost because it’s not everyday you’re into someone that’s wants to be an actor. He doesn’t have a day job (does side photography and loves it and ha even gotten some clients from professors).

[jjgitties]

I wouldn’t say it’s a quality drama school. It’s a community college (which Is like a 2 year school) and I’m not really into the theatre world to know much about quality drama schools but I’ll try and do some research. We’re both in the New York City area so he might have a lot of theatres opportunity (maybe not acting but backstage stuff?) and he’s looking to go to one of 2 schools when he graduates so.

Unfortunately he has no day job. He does photography on the side but i don’t think it’s steady cash coming in.

 

I think it doesnt matter what college or drama program he goes to. What really matters is where he lives. The entertainment industry is highly geographically concentrated. > 90% of the work is in two places. NY and LA. The rest of the 10% is spread out among the rest of the nation. So the numbers dictated you go where the jobs are and you complete with everyone else in that location.

[LilySun]

As long as he has a day job I don't see what's wrong with his wanting to be an actor. I am concerned, however, that he changed things at the last minute before finishing in the biology area. He may practice this in other aspects of his life as well. True, you are both barely 20 and you have much ahead of you both, but he may be this way in other ways about things. Know how many guys I went out with who were in rock bands in my day who broke up with me because I did not support their music careers? And how many of them play now that I/they are in their early 40s? Maybe 20% of them, if that. Musicians are a different breed than actors but not by much.

 

Not by much at all. I've dated many musicians. However very few of them counted on it for steady, stable work. For some it's just a weekend thing or if a gig pops up. So I was supportive. I also supported ones who did it full time but it was rough when they had long stints of no work, and no health insurance, etc. The arts are very admirable but relying on them can make for a difficult life.

[Fair]

If you have misgivings perhaps you shouldn't date him anymore. Not because of what where his dreams are leading him but because I suspect, somewhere in your heart, you know he's not really the type of guy you want or need.

[SammySammy]

I think you should break up with him.

 

Sounds like his potential earnings are more important to you and your family than he is.

 

He deserves to do what he wants. Be what he wants to be. Be loved for who he is.

 

And, hopefully, you'll find a financial sponsor your family approves of. I'm sure he's out there. Who is doesn't matter. Just what he has.

 

Break up with him. It's best for both of you.

[Sunlight72]

^^^^ This ^^^^

 

Money is the last factor in how I (or most artists I know) make life decisions. I'm a professional artist - for 18 years now.

 

If money is a metric for you evaluating a partner, leave this guy to his life.

 

You two have different religions.

 

Fortunately for you, your religion is exponentially larger than his, and so you have a much larger pool to fish in.

Edited December 24, 2017 by Sunlight72

[grays]

Yup. You guys should not be together. You don't have any appreciation for who he is or a desire to see him happy.

[d0nnivain]

Trying to become an actor is a hard road but he's following his dream. To be successful, he has to be all in. Part of that involves having a SO who supports that dream. You are not that person. Date him casually if you like but recognize he's not your one & only.

[jjgitties]

Yeah that’s what makes afraid of :/ he really seems like a sweet guy and I’ve thought about pursuing a relationship with him but I’m just kind of lost because it’s not everyday you’re into someone that’s wants to be an actor. He doesn’t have a day job (does side photography and loves it and ha even gotten some clients from professors).

 

First of all, a biology undergraduate degree is not some fancy robotics STEM degree that will guarantee a big fancy high paying job in some crazy emerging nose bleed sector of the economy. its just a regular undergrad degree that teaches you how to read and write and think correctly. he would be hitting the labor market and getting a job with an employer that is looking to hire uni graduates for entry level positions.

 

Quite frankly, I admire his initiative to not jump into the 9-5 work force at a young age and get caught up on the ever flip flopping contract temp work force. If he wants to pursue a risking interest, its best to do it while he is young and in his 20s.

 

 

Good for him that he is pursuing photography and has clients at the moment. Its a first step in becoming a small business owner/entrepreneur. Its a great way to learn what its like to run a one man small business and how to get and keep clients.

[act00]

I definitely understand your reluctance. Part of you is thinking about his ability to support a family, should your relationship grow into that, and I get that. You already live in an area that has theater. If you lived in another state, I would worry about having to move to NY or LA...and LA is a possibility, and that's a huge move when your family is on the East Coast. There are lots of factors here.

 

You are kind of putting the cart before the horse.

 

Family structure is changing, and there are plenty of bread-winner women and stay-at-home-dads these days. It's more important that you focus on YOUR ability to support yourself AND a family. You never know what life can toss at you. Your husband gets laid off and can't find a job for months. Your husband becomes disabled or dies. You get divorced. If you decide to go into a relationship, you have to accept the fact that maybe he doesn't bring in as high an income as you, but it will work because you love each other. As long as he has good work ethic and helps out with the chores and responsibilities, it's going to be okay. If he lounges on the sofa, doesn't help with household chores or the kids, and drinks, sleeps, smokes pot, and laments that he can't find work...whole other story. This can be an issue in any industry.

 

It's fine that you are concerned about these things, and maybe this guy turns out to be the one or maybe not. If ultimately you want the rich lifestyle and/or you want to be a wife and mother and not have to work, then his income and a stable income is obviously going to be very important. I don't think you're wrong for considering this.