Macallan18 Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 Over the period of a month, I went out on (5) dates with a woman whome I met online, we slept together twice, and kept in contact each day from the first date via text. She was very busy career-wise traveling for about (2) weeks over that month including out of the country. I was slowing down from a busy year and knew what the toll of travel and work took. I was supportive and it helped the relationship. It actually helped blossom the relationship because of the support Our last date was low key (2nd time we slept together). I did feel I was a bit clingy during that date and wanted to address it. I asked to meet up before she went home for the holidays. However was unable to. We had a meaningful text conversation, that left off acknowledging we liked one another. However, I didnt address my thoughts on me being a little clingy. After the holiday I receive a text saying she "wasn't looking for a relationship and I'm a great guy, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I tried to play it cool like I didn't care and told her to look to take care of herself. As she said she didn't have time for herself and needed to step away from this. I let a week pass and tried to continue to "play it cool" and not share with her that I actually cared. We are both stubborn career-focused people who usually think with their head instead of our hearts. I initiated contact with a short text, received some laughs. Then I told her via text that I realized that I might have come on too strong too fast. I respected her time and was just excited she choose to spend her minimal personal time with me. Her response was "Feel Better?" I just lied and said yes. We were meant to go to a concert, and I think I was just pushing to get her to go, instead of focusing on the overall picture. Needless to say, we did not go to the concert. I noticed she removed me from social media, then I saw here on a dating app. I didn't swipe, but after a few hours, I see she disappeared. Which I can only assume she blocked me? However through all that, we are still texting, but I notice she has stopped asking reciprocal questions and its just me initiating the conversation, even though she does give long detailed answers. So my question is: 1 month has passed since she sent the "not looking for a relationship text" we have cordially texted back and forth in that month, even though I dropped a "I know what I did" text that might have pushed her further away (she de-friend me on social media a few days after). We only really knew each other for a month, but there was a real connection there and I want to explore that connection with her further, however I do not know how to. Do I let time pass and write her an email saying what I really thought.... is that creepy. I dont know why she made the decisions she did (and I think thats whats driving me). She is back on dating apps, so have to assume it wasnt because another guy? Or do I give it time and reach back out in a few months? I was never asking for a relationship, never mentioned it. Obviously after (5) dates one does think about it but was never brought up. Especially with the holidays coming up, I wouldn't think that it would be appropriate. I was just enjoying the conversations and having fun. She did most of the texting and reaching out to me.* Don't think the sleeping together part was the problem, she enjoyed it more then I did. Don't need to go into detail, but not to worried about that. No, nothing about distance or friendship was mentioned. She actually complimented me on giving her space as she worked a lot and her busy schedule always presented a problem in past relationships. Since I have the same hectic schedule I understood. I just got off a large project and moved to a new town (where we met) to take a break for the Winter. I do know she is/was very overwhelmed with work, which is another reason I gave her space and let her text me. I think she went to (2) countries and (5) states for work over the one month we "hung out" It was (as appeared to me) a 180 after she went home for the holidays. I can only assume she did some thinking. And that is her thinking lead to. I believe I handled it the wrong way at the end by just playing cool. And now regret that, but it is what it is at this point. I would like to take the "not looking for a relationship" and "don't have time for myself" at face value. But we all know that's a crock of ****. I was to polite to call it out or ask to try to patch anything up, by talking about it. All I did was send a text mid-conversation 2 or 3 weeks post, about I realized I might have come on too strong. And by too strong I was referring too, hanging out at my place and spending time together. During that time (last time we hung out) she did say, if she didn't like me she wouldn't be spending so much time with me. After that date, I was a little nervous because I was a little "to hand-holdy" (which is very not like me) and started to second guess myself and her. I mentioned that in a text a few days later. I said was I sometimes second guess my self after she sent me a three-point list on why she appreciates me. She asked what I second-guessed, I said whether she likes me. She said you are very black and white, luckily I know how to speak your language, thank you for clarifying my analytical mind is going to bed. PS I told you I liked you. That was the last conversation before she went home for the holidays and a few days later got the no relationship text. obviously, she left a lasting impression and there is something inside of me that won't let this go. She was not the typical girl I go out with. Since we met on a dating app (first time for me) we got to know one another over conversation rather than having physical appearances determine the attraction. I would say if we met at a bar, I most likely would not ask her out based on appearances as harsh as that is to say. But it did open my mind I am stereotyped as a nice guy, and that might have been the "kiss of death" as described above. I think as I said it was the quickness of the decision.* I'm about to jump into a busy work schedule in the middle of Jan. I think what I liked most, was someone who understood my busy schedule and I was able to share it with. * Thank you for all the feedback, trust me. I wasn't going to do something rash for someone I met online and only really saw (5) times. I do over analyze everything, as its my job. So it naturally overflows into my personal life. I might reach out in a few months or I might not. The de-friend of social media thing caught me off guard and made me laugh as it seemed pretty childish or over the top. It is good to talk about it and hear multifaceted options.
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