Mysterio Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 When I think about my friends vs my Love Matches. It feels like my friendships are a lot better. They just seem way more solid and cohesive. My love matches are murky at best. I have asked this before. How can it be that much contrast and the people are basically from my social environment. If I like a woman, I find out that she is attached after I do some leg work to find out more about her. If I meet a male or female friend. Everything between us is basically ok or great. No major side issues. Its like a Love match is really hard to find now a days. My true raw self. All I want is a woman that is close to my age 46. Single/Childless. No rush for marriage or kids. We get along. We go to a lot of music venues/movies/work out/ possibly a shared recreational sport between us. Interesting conversastions and laughs. Lots of physical affection between us. Working through any issues that come up. I think thats why a lot of us are very frustrated. I look at my parens. They on paper are very different and they make it work. I don't belive that we on Love Shack and are other family/friends that are single are really that hard to be with. Its not like I want a Sugar Mama to shower me with money and sex and thats it. I just wish there could be a major shift in that part of my life and others.
Nilfiry Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 The difference is expectations. Matches are harder to find because you are expecting a lot more out of them than you do a friend. A friend can be almost anyone, but a love match--for you--needs to be... 1, close to your age, 2, single without children, 3, unrushed to marry or have kids, 4, get along, 5, go out to a lot of venues, 6, share a sport, 7, have interesting conversations, 8, have lots of physical attraction, and 9, be able to work through any issue. Do you see how much you are actually looking for? Friends seem more solid and cohesive because you are not poking them full of holes to make sure they are exactly what you want. Without that sort of baggage and expectation, you naturally are able to get along with them more freely. You see friends different from the way you see a love match when all along, your love match should be one of your friends. So in the end, the problem is not that your love matches are murky, the problem is You! 1
SevenCity Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 I don’t see how having preferences is a problem. Should then he take the first woman who gives him the time of day despite attraction or common interests? If you’re willing to settle, then you will always be unsatisfied. I refuse to lower my standards just to have a girlfriend and potential wife. Mystero, I’m the same age and looking for similar. If you find her, let me know if she’s got a sister:cool: 1
Nilfiry Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 I don’t see how having preferences is a problem. Should then he take the first woman who gives him the time of day despite attraction or common interests? If you’re willing to settle, then you will always be unsatisfied. I refuse to lower my standards just to have a girlfriend and potential wife. Mystero, I’m the same age and looking for similar. If you find her, let me know if she’s got a sister:cool: Not saying that having preferences is the problem. It is serving as an example to show that the way we look at people differs because of what we are looking for. With respect to why love matches seem murky at best compared to friends, it is because they are being viewed differently with different intentions. You are subconsciously changing the way you see things, and not because things are inherently different. A perfect example of this looking glass is the infamous, "friend zone." You are everything she is looking before, but because she only sees you as a friend, you get ignored entirely. Then she complains to you why she cannot find that perfect Mr. Right. We have all seen it at some point. It is also why sometimes, people will settle down with people that is completely outside of their preference list. Something changed the way they see things, and thus, things that they thought would be impossible before became possible. If you tried looking at everyone the same at first without caring whether they are to be a friend or a love match, it may open up a different world to you that you never knew was there.
basil67 Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 My true raw self. All I want is a woman that is close to my age 46. Single/Childless. No rush for marriage or kids. We get along. We go to a lot of music venues/movies/work out/ possibly a shared recreational sport between us. Interesting conversastions and laughs. Lots of physical affection between us. Working through any issues that come up. Nilfiry nailed it. What you want from a partner is a whole lot more complex than what you want from a friend. Let's start with the age bracket and not being in a rush to have kids. If a woman is in your age bracket (say, 5-13 years younger) and wants kids someday, she NEEDS to rush or she will miss out. So, that's a huge percentage of women already ruled out. The rest of the things you are looking for in a partner don't have to be there in a friend. I've got great friends who I have very little in common with, who I see only on occasion....and for whom sexual affection is non existent. In short, you're comparing apples and oranges.
pebbles15 Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 I disagree. Sexual attraction makes a world of a difference.
LilySun Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 It's 2 completely different dynamics. We acquire friends by chance mostly, through life. We don't go seeking them out and pick the ones that meet our criteria. And yes of course we don't require to be attracted to our friends, either. A GF or BF is a relationship that takes a lot more work to maintain. It's a person you can potentially have to live with everyday forever. You carry high expectations for each other, etc. Friendships alone are easier because it's not a romantic commitment.
heartbrokenlady Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 When I think about my friends vs my Love Matches. It feels like my friendships are a lot better. They just seem way more solid and cohesive. You know, all of my partners (all have been 10+ years) have been friends first. If I'd had to pick them as love matches based on an initial meeting, I would NEVER have got with them. They would NOT have been what I was looking for. None of them, other than maybe a little my recent ex, have fit any of my 'criteria'. I'm no expert on relationships. It just seems to me that we shut ourselves off from a lot of great people when we're looking for a lover in a way we don't when we're making friends. 1
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