irresolute Posted December 24, 2017 Posted December 24, 2017 She wrote this in 2014: ", I'm only 15 and aren't allowed to travel to my boyfriend who's 18."
d0nnivain Posted December 24, 2017 Posted December 24, 2017 It's so stupid and on top of that there wasn't even any real breakup in my opinion. That is a big part of why you can't let go. You have not accepted that you two are broken up. People don't need the words or a formal declaration to break up. Rather the 2 years you have been apart & the fact that this guy runs / walks away from you is the break up. This so called friendship you have with your other EX may be something this EX wants no part of. Just because you want to be friends, doesn't mean he does. The first part of healing is accepting that it's over. The second part is disconnecting from all social media. Try both of those things. You will end up with more peace. 1
Author sarahh000 Posted December 25, 2017 Author Posted December 25, 2017 lol cmon. you friend zoned the guy you dumped to make yourself feel a bit better. He has agreed to be friend zoned to see if there is anyway he might be able to change your mind. No dumpee ever feels great staying in contact with a dumper. Your living in fairyland if you think otherwise. Now what you need to do is reverse the roles. Your Ex who dumped you is thinking exactly what you thought with regards to the guy you dumped. Do you want to be friend zoned and help alleviate his guilt? As for why he didn't try. I have noticed that female dumpers tend to dish out breadcrumbs more than male dumpers do. Hard to say why but it might be it seems that for whatever reason, women do not like to be hated by anyone. I guess if they are hated, they feel like a failure. Or maybe its the nurturing aspect of women. Men will feel guilty about dumping someone but they don't seem to act on it as much. I know I don't. I try to just own the guilt. Wouldn't want to use an ex for sex etc. Lmao no I didn't. He came back to me in the end wanting to be friends and I have asked him repeatedly if that is what he really wants and given him many chances to leave the friendship, he refuses he really wants me in his life and I have made it 100% clear there will never be anything more than friendship and he never tries anything. Shocking that a guy can be fine with that, huh`?
Author sarahh000 Posted December 25, 2017 Author Posted December 25, 2017 She wrote this in 2014: ", I'm only 15 and aren't allowed to travel to my boyfriend who's 18." And? How is this relevant? That was a whole different "relationship" and I don't even count that dude as an ex because I never met him irl. I dumped him on the spot when the guy this specific thread is about first asked me out actually. Explain how that has anything to do with this.
Author sarahh000 Posted December 25, 2017 Author Posted December 25, 2017 So I have come to the conclusion that I will keep living with the pain and that is though I have other guys i've been on dates with who are hoping I will come around and give them a real chance but I am not going to do this it won't help and they are a joke if they think they have a chance with me. Thanks for the replies. I guess.
HumanMachine Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 And? How is this relevant? That was a whole different "relationship" and I don't even count that dude as an ex because I never met him irl. I dumped him on the spot when the guy this specific thread is about first asked me out actually. Explain how that has anything to do with this. So you were 16 when you supposedly ended it with the ‘new’ guy, how old was the ‘new’ guy?
Author sarahh000 Posted December 25, 2017 Author Posted December 25, 2017 So you were 16 when you supposedly ended it with the ‘new’ guy, how old was the ‘new’ guy The guy this thread is about it ended with when I was 19 actually and him and I started dating when i'd just turned 18 and started talking when I was 17 and he is the same age as me. However that is relevant.
d0nnivain Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 And? How is this relevant? . Your age is relevant because it goes to your life experience. The advice I give a teenage girl will probably be different from the advice I give a middle age divorcee with several kids. Yes, your pain is real but the idea of your "whole life" and "never" are dramatic concepts. You are young & you will live to love again. It's also easier to stay friends with an EX when the history is developed while you are both growing up. So I have come to the conclusion that I will keep living with the pain and that is though I have other guys i've been on dates with who are hoping I will come around and give them a real chance but I am not going to do this it won't help and they are a joke if they think they have a chance with me. Thanks for the replies. I guess. These current new guys don't have a chance because you are not yet ready for a new relationship. Once you let go of whatever you are holding on to, eventually you will be open to love again. Until you accept that this break up is for real & heal you can't move forward.
Author sarahh000 Posted December 25, 2017 Author Posted December 25, 2017 Your age is relevant because it goes to your life experience. The advice I give a teenage girl will probably be different from the advice I give a middle age divorcee with several kids. Yes, your pain is real but the idea of your "whole life" and "never" are dramatic concepts. You are young & you will live to love again. It's also easier to stay friends with an EX when the history is developed while you are both growing up. These current new guys don't have a chance because you are not yet ready for a new relationship. Once you let go of whatever you are holding on to, eventually you will be open to love again. Until you accept that this break up is for real & heal you can't move forward. Since you are such an expert please explain to me why I did let go and even saw him on our graduation day right there in the same room as me and felt nothing, not even any attraction although he is physically hot as hell and I moved on with a new guy whom I loved and I was happy with life and then all of a sudden this ex started showing in my dreams everynight until it broke me all over again and I was no longer healed and why this happens everytime I decide to let him go?
HumanMachine Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 So you were 16 when you supposedly ended it with the ‘new’ guy, how old was the ‘new’ guy The guy this thread is about it ended with when I was 19 actually and him and I started dating when i'd just turned 18 and started talking when I was 17 and he is the same age as me. However that is relevant. 3 years ago you were 15 according to your post in 2014, which would make you now 18. You’ve been given some great advice by some of the best posters on this forum yet you’re on the defensive for some reason.. time to take a step back, read what these experienced people are telling you..
Author sarahh000 Posted December 25, 2017 Author Posted December 25, 2017 3 years ago you were 15 according to your post in 2014, which would make you now 18. You’ve been given some great advice by some of the best posters on this forum yet you’re on the defensive for some reason.. time to take a step back, read what these experienced people are telling you.. Oh no I lied about my age in a previous post.
HumanMachine Posted December 25, 2017 Posted December 25, 2017 Oh no I lied about my age in a previous post. Why would you lie in various posts about being under 18 and saying that you’re 15?
Author sarahh000 Posted December 25, 2017 Author Posted December 25, 2017 Why would you lie in various posts about being under 18 and saying that you’re 15? I had my reasons. It didn't make sense to say I was older because I couldn't travel. Because in reality I did not want to and the dude could not afford to so it didn't work because I didn't feel like travelling I wasn't too young for it.
JamesonTheWise Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Why even bother? If he hasn't contacted you in two years it's because he doesn't care to and has long forgotten you. Also, it's highly probable he's sleeping and desiring other women-- in fact he's probably developed deeper feelings for another woman than he has for you. I'm sorry to be blunt. It's been two years, you have to accept it and move on. Don't waste anymore good years of your life on this man.
Author sarahh000 Posted December 26, 2017 Author Posted December 26, 2017 Why even bother? If he hasn't contacted you in two years it's because he doesn't care to and has long forgotten you. Also, it's highly probable he's sleeping and desiring other women-- in fact he's probably developed deeper feelings for another woman than he has for you. I'm sorry to be blunt. It's been two years, you have to accept it and move on. Don't waste anymore good years of your life on this man. Doubt it. He has a hard time finding a woman and he doesn't really bother trying, it was a miracle he even confessed his emotions for me and he did after a long time and not until after I had shown him I cared and he was surprised at that because he always thought I deserved better. He stays to himself. Has a lot of shallow friends but never lets anyone close. Just me. Says he doesn't trust anyone. I doubt he's forgotten me lol.
Author sarahh000 Posted December 26, 2017 Author Posted December 26, 2017 Honestly I do not care I am bored with myself. I have always been a calm, nice girl who never acts out or does anything rebellious to any degree what so ever. I admired his recklessness, I even admired his wickedness to a certain degree as long as it wasn't directed at me I didn't really care and it didn't bother me. I have never dared to do anything rebellious or wicked not even small things. I barely ever swear even lmao. I think I can stay away from him sure but i'll keep finding others like him until I have acted out what i've never acted out in the past and i'm ready to settle down and have a peaceful and stable relationship one day. This is just a guess. I'm no goddam psychiatrist.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 He has a hard time finding a woman and he doesn't really bother trying, it was a miracle he even confessed his emotions for me He had no trouble hooking up with his ex while he was with you though, did he? I don't say that to be hurtful, just to remind you of the reality that this guy isn't the perfect chaste guy you want him to be. It sounds like you are idealizing him now, and monitoring his social media which can't be helping the situation. It's a false sense of intimacy with someone you are no longer connected to, and you risk developing an unhealthy obsessed if you're not careful. Do you have other important plans or things going on in your life right now, or do you think you might be living in the past because you are unsatisfied with how things are going the present? The reason why I ask is that sometimes a recurring dream about someone or something is really a manifestation of something else entirely. I may be wrong, but I think it is worth exploring the possibility that your subconscious is trying to tell you something else. It would be nice to start 2018 with a fresh perspective and positive direction, don't you think? 1
Author sarahh000 Posted December 26, 2017 Author Posted December 26, 2017 (edited) He had no trouble hooking up with his ex while he was with you though, did he? I don't say that to be hurtful, just to remind you of the reality that this guy isn't the perfect chaste guy you want him to be. It sounds like you are idealizing him now, and monitoring his social media which can't be helping the situation. It's a false sense of intimacy with someone you are no longer connected to, and you risk developing an unhealthy obsessed if you're not careful. Do you have other important plans or things going on in your life right now, or do you think you might be living in the past because you are unsatisfied with how things are going the present? The reason why I ask is that sometimes a recurring dream about someone or something is really a manifestation of something else entirely. I may be wrong, but I think it is worth exploring the possibility that your subconscious is trying to tell you something else. It would be nice to start 2018 with a fresh perspective and positive direction, don't you think? All the dreams about us was us talking things through. At least most of them. My life was great when they started and I was in a great relationship. I have lots of things going on in my life currently too, not that it helps me forget these emotions. I do not see him as better than he is. I am fully aware of all his good and terrible sides. I've even thought about going back to him but keeping everything very superficial and not take it very seriously. I have always wanted to do something like that anyway and never have. I never do anything "wrong" or "bad". I don't wanna get married to some normal lad one day and live a perfect life and never have anything crazy to look back at. You know. Edited December 26, 2017 by sarahh000
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 Just to add to my question about what your subconscious might be trying to tell you. You said ,I am bored with myself. I have always been a calm, nice girl who never acts out or does anything rebellious to any degree what so ever. I admired his recklessness I have never dared to do anything rebellious. Is it possible that he might be the manifestation of these feelings in your dreams? Maybe you secretly want to do something different and exciting with you life, and until you do, you will remain unsatisfied and stuck in the past.
Author sarahh000 Posted December 26, 2017 Author Posted December 26, 2017 Just to add to my question about what your subconscious might be trying to tell you. You said , Is it possible that he might be the manifestation of these feelings in your dreams? Maybe you secretly want to do something different and exciting with you life, and until you do, you will remain unsatisfied and stuck in the past. It's possible. Even before I met him I used to dream about a really crazy exciting life like that, not for the rest of my life but at least a while. My most recent ex was pretty exciting but I guess not in the right way, I guess in the end I still felt like something was missing. I don't think anyone could ever imagine me as somebody rebellious though not even myself but I think deep down I am but I press it down so much I just get it out by listening to heavy music and let my anger out through that. I don't know what keeps the lid on me though... maybe I don't wanna be judged and I am too obsessed with not making my family upset so I don't act out the true me. I really don't know why. I mean how dam hard can it be to do something stupid?
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