quencher78884 Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 I have had a long time crush on a coworker for about a year, we work on separate ends of a large building. We speak about twice a week for 10-15min and their has always been what i felt was a strong mutual attraction. Recently i was invited to a Christmas party that her office was hosting. And me and her seemed to really be hitting it off. Later in the night me and her and three of her coworkers went to a bar for a last drink. Afterwords, i was finally alone with her as we walked to the subway. I aggressively turned at her and told her i wanted to kiss her. She pulled away and said she couldn't, and that she had a just gotten into a relationship and she also told me that i waited too long. (to ask her out im guessing) I basically told her how i felt about her and poured my heart out a bit. All the while we were still at kissing distance. Despite the rejection i walked away from that interaction feeling liberated Since that day i don't really know what to do. I feel embarrassed. I spent the week after laying low at work and avoiding areas where I would see her. Trying to allow some time to let the dust settle i guess. I feel conflicted on what type of relationship i want to maintain with her at this point. And i also am really beating myself up for not asking her out months ago. i didn't really realize she would have been interested. Its basically consumed my thoughts for the past week. Would love to hear some advice or kind words for you all Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 it happens man. Sometimes our timing is not what it should be. Don't beat yourself up too bad about it. Maybe things will change with her current fling; maybe they'll change sooner now that you have revealed your feelings. At least that's how it goes in the movies. You however shouldn't wait around for that to happen. Show that you're confident enough to have said what you've said and keep your head held high. Quit hiding. And don't wait around so long the next time. You know how and when to say it now so say it sooner next time brother. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 Keep in sporadic contact with her but don’t be an orbiter waiting for her. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I think it's so sexy when a man can be honest and upfront like that. Dude, what the hell do you have to be embarrassed about? You continue being as you are. If you run into her, talk to her like how you feel about her. Be kind, be nice. Don't change how you behave towards her just because she is unavailable. Don't compromise your integrity for that. Just keep your distance. Respect her wishes. She's in a relationship. Continue to demonstrate that you're an honourable and dignified man. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. More men should be like you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Why would you be embarrassed? She basically told you she likes you too and would have gone out with you before she started dating this other guy. If she'd have rejected you she wouldn't have said you waited too long. Actually it may not have worked out anyway. With crushes, you know little about that person and you imagine s/he is the type of personality for you. When you finally go on a date, you may be surprised. Don't make a big deal about someone you hardly know and you've only imagined to be this or that. That's not rational. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 You got it out there for her to know. Ball is really in her court now, but she may or may not do anything with that. Meantime, might as well act as you normally would around her and just be polite. But I would bet at the least, she is probably thinking about that conversation. No need to be embarrassed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I suspect you are concerned that things will be awkward because now she knows you like her but she is not in a position to do anything about it. You have to find the courage & grace to just be professional & normal around her. Perhaps her new relationship won't work out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 (edited) Keep laying low and I'm sure things will just carry on as usual between you later. Maybe down the road you two will finally have that kiss. Her in a relationship right now, doesn't mean it's the end. Things can change. Edited December 25, 2017 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fiskadoro Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 I am curious about the "aggressively" part, and that she pulled away. Are you embarrassed you went for it, or embarrassed by the way you went for it? As far as her telling you you "waited too long", man don't buy into that! It's been my experience that women who really like you aren't like in the fairy tales where the prince has to cross a moat and slay a dragon to win her hand, all while she just chills in her castle, indifferent to his plight, playing Candy Crush. It's more like, the princess kisses a bunch of frogs until she finds the one that ain't froggy. So if she had really been interested, she would have stepped up. When me and my sensible guy friends talk, we are constantly surprised by how easy women make it when they truly like you, and we regret the way we act all thirsty chasing the "damsel in the castle" types. You don't have to guess at all, and mistakes will be forgiven! Conversely, when women are kind of slightly somewhat a little bit more or less "interested" in you, then they throw out these hints and expect you to feed their ego and come a'running. I don't think you should even go down the path of thinking what kind of "relationship" you two will have in the future. Anything other than your acting like it never happened, and being your jolly (but somewhat chill, you gotta pull back now) self is going to make it awkward. And you DEF don't want to make a female coworker feel awkward because you came on to her after getting bubbly one night. So just chill. It's 2018 in a hot minute, every single woman (and unhappily coupled one) will be on the move very soon! Link to post Share on other sites
Author quencher78884 Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 (edited) I really appreciate all of your thoughts and kind words. I work at a college and we have a nice vacation period over Christmas. But we will be back at it Jan 2. I'm getting a bit of anxiety about going back to work but it has now been two weeks since the event and I haven't seen her since. I'm worried she will now act like i don't exist or she wont want to speak with me anymore and even if she does I don't know what i would say. I was thinking I could just not mention it and act like it never happen and talk the same way we typically do. I certainly wont spend as much time talking to her the way we did. Part of me really regrets what I did, and i feel very embarrassed. Everyone in her office area knows me well and I'm sure that they probably heard about my approach. I haven't really ever been rejected a kiss like that before. Its strange how much this is actually been weighing on my thoughts. Edited December 29, 2017 by quencher78884 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 just smile big when you see her (not a creeper smile) and talk normally. Come up with something to say (it can be a simple "how's it going?") It will be OK. Something light hearted puts the burden (if there is any) on her, not you. You're cool, just going about your business. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 Your entire performance from start to finish was terrible so of course you feel embarrassed. Let this one go and next time you meet someone you like use this experience to actually ask her out and kiss her instead of aggressively asking her permission. And yeah, since it's at work just be polite and pretend it never happened from now on when you see her. Link to post Share on other sites
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