Pandasaurus12 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 I'm a male in my mid 20s. I've been on three dates with a wonderful woman, who is also in her mid 20s. All three dates have been fantastic. At the conclusion of our last date, I went in for a kiss (which we hadn't done yet). She told me she wasn't ready yet and that she wanted to take things slow. We had a very good talk, and she affirmed that she wants to keep seeing me, and that one of the reasons she wants to take things slow is because she thinks what we have could be very special. I believe she is being genuine about that. I've had the bad habit of taking things too fast in my previous relationship, so I'm in uncharted territory right now. That being said, I do believe taking things slowly is the right move, and I really think this could be special. I don't want to mess anything up. How can I properly take things slowly while still making steady progress?
MaleIntuition Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 Well, keep doing what you have been doing and try to kiss her at the next date? Honestly; I don’t know. Life would be easier for us guys if we where mind readers, but since most of us aren’t, we’ll have to learn proper communication skills instead. Or learn how to read body language. Which is almost the same as mindreading. Almost. I suppose you could ask her something along the line: “Hey, I really want to kiss you right now, how do you feel about that?”. Maybe it will feel a bit weird, but you have already had a discussion on the topic..? Then, uhm, wait for her to eventually invite you to her place? The flip side of moving slow is that you risk comming off as not confident, or interested enough, and you might end up getting the “no spark” comment. Tricky...
lolablue17 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 How can I properly take things slowly while still making steady progress? By admitting that you have no clue on how to behave, and obeying her instructions. I had a similar thing when I was young. She was asking to take it slow, so I didn't do anything. So she complained why am I so passive, and I replied that controlling the tempo with artificial decisions is not my thing, but I'm ready to cooperate. She still waited for me to do something, and when I continued to do absulutelly nothing, she started to initiate some actions, and made very big steps to get us closer, very fast, the opposite of her original request. This all was a proof that this "let's take it slow" was only a (boring) game, an act of trying to control me, and when she realized she can't control me, she gave up and started to be herself. 2
ZoeGirl Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 Based on my most current experience of online dating and a guy who was super into me with kissy emojis (hate those stupid little buggers) - calling me baby, darling, baby cakes after 5 days - go slow guys! On that note, I think that a kiss cannot hurt at this point and if she is still, putting you off....hmmmm. When you are feeling that chemistry and attraction, trust me, you want the guy to go in for that kiss.
Nilfiry Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 You do not have to worry about being too fast or too slow. You just need to worry about paying attention to the other person. This "speed" issue only comes up when one side is too preoccupied with what they want, and fails to notice or pay attention to the cues, responses, and needs of the other side. You were thinking that you want to kiss her because your three dates so far have been great, but what really made you thought that it was time to try it? A better way to deal with this is simply to change your priorities. Instead of making getting the girl your number one priority, how about you make your priority just to get to know and become close with the girl first? Instead of treating your dates as a chance to hook up, why not think of it as a nice outing with your friend instead?
MJJean Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 A 3rd date without sex or even a kiss? Glaciers move faster. I'd be out, but you do you, man.
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 I guess spend time with her & get to know each other. No kiss after 3 dates is not something I'd be comfy with. She may be somebody who doesn't like any of the physical aspects of a relationship or she may be somebody that doesn't trust herself (once the kissing starts she won't be able to stop, if you know what I mean). To me wanting to take things slow means 2 things: no sex & no emotional entanglement. I don't want to care / invest too much too early. For me I put in emotional & physical speed bumps early on which included all dates in public places & limited access to comfy horizontal surfaces. Basically I wasn't down to net flix & chill. Kissing was fine but as deep as that could only go while standing up or sitting in a car I was too old to do anything else in
Author Pandasaurus12 Posted December 22, 2017 Author Posted December 22, 2017 Well, keep doing what you have been doing and try to kiss her at the next date? Honestly; I don’t know. Life would be easier for us guys if we where mind readers, but since most of us aren’t, we’ll have to learn proper communication skills instead. Or learn how to read body language. Which is almost the same as mindreading. Almost. I suppose you could ask her something along the line: “Hey, I really want to kiss you right now, how do you feel about that?”. Maybe it will feel a bit weird, but you have already had a discussion on the topic..? Then, uhm, wait for her to eventually invite you to her place? The flip side of moving slow is that you risk comming off as not confident, or interested enough, and you might end up getting the “no spark” comment. Tricky... Oddly enough, she's invited me back to her place. Twice!
Author Pandasaurus12 Posted December 22, 2017 Author Posted December 22, 2017 You do not have to worry about being too fast or too slow. You just need to worry about paying attention to the other person. This "speed" issue only comes up when one side is too preoccupied with what they want, and fails to notice or pay attention to the cues, responses, and needs of the other side. You were thinking that you want to kiss her because your three dates so far have been great, but what really made you thought that it was time to try it? A better way to deal with this is simply to change your priorities. Instead of making getting the girl your number one priority, how about you make your priority just to get to know and become close with the girl first? Instead of treating your dates as a chance to hook up, why not think of it as a nice outing with your friend instead? Well, what I want is to continue to spend time with her and see where it goes. By kissing her I wanted to show "hey, I'm super interested in you romantically and I feel like there's chemistry." My goal here isn't to jump into bed with her. I want to try to cultivate something.
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