thebiglimp Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 so i just got out of a 1.5 yr long hell of a relationship and realizing more and more that she really did a number on me. just a clueless zero insightful woman trying to control every petty little aspect of my life with nagging and hysteria. may i also mention her family has a history of mental illness with her having adhd, bipolar, and ocd? things just about reached the breaking point 6 months ago when i became depressed enough that i was not liking my life, not liking people, and just wanted to crawl somewhere and be alone. took me 6 months of being less of a coward to finally break up with her. but the troubled mind remains. the symptom of not caring, not wanting to socialize, and just zoning out when people talk... these symptoms remain. i have no knowledge in psychology but i bet the symptoms i have can be categorized into one term. i never had them before (though extro introvert, i was always interested in people, listening to them, ect. but now it's opposite) and these symptoms still remain after the breakup. i'm starting to go on dates, and im just not my old self. i feel... dull, burnt out, and can't even focus on what the other person's saying sometimes. has this happened to anyone and how long did it take you to heal from it? i'm not asking about the same scenario but just you being burned out from a relationship and recovery- what helped you? i've always been exercising regularly so there's no answer there.
BaileyB Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 I think, you are not ready to date yet. And, that's ok. Do the things that you enjoy. Spend time with people who make you feel good. If you need it, don't hesitate to seek the assistance of a good counsellor. But most of all, be grateful... for this experience has taught you what you will not tolerate in a relationship. You know now what you are looking for and you will never allow yourself to be in this situation again. Best wishes! Give it time - it will get better... 1
Sunlight72 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 (edited) Yes I have been through a similar experience. I now call it my 18 month break up. We dated about 10 minutes at the start, and the rest was bad, then worse, then much worse, then horrific. I'd say it took me about 12 or 14 months to get back to being myself. But, I really allowed it to go muuuch too far. Much more than what I read between the lines you wrote. So, I would expect it to take you 6 to 10 months, but no one can really predict it. What I did during that time was study relationships and relationship skills. Changed my life for the better, but it was a difficult time of reflection. The secret ingredient is time. I encourage you to learn more about relationships, picking a partner, setting boundaries, developing your own life independent of any romantic relationship, and what it means to be "emotionally healthy". Dating is not the solution. Patience with yourself, and curiousity into how to do better (or at least recognize when to pull the plug sooner) for next time is a good direction. Time will help. Don't date, and don't hurry. I'm proud of you that you pulled the plug and ended the rainstorm. I'm sure you still feel wet and cold. Edited December 22, 2017 by Sunlight72 2
Chilli Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 You said you've just got out of it . Beats me why you'd be wasting your time dating so soon then especially feeling the way you do. Give yourself time man, find yourself again. And yep , l've been through something similar , it takes time. 2
rightondude Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 It took me around 6 months after a divorce from a similar (though not quite as bad sounding) relationship. I finally started doing things with friends again, felt good (enough) about myself to "sell myself" to another. Of course then you'll get to experience the joys of meeting dating crashing and burning all over again in a slightly different fashion. Cheers! 1
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