kutek Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 (edited) He said ''I'll be honest, you might be unattractive physically to someone else/others but you'll always be attractive to me'' He always calls me beautiful and cute but I feel like he called me ugly in a nice way in that statement? He's just a guy that I talk to and haven't met up with yet. We were discussing our looks and I was complaining about how ugly I am. He said that I'm not and followed it up with what seems to me as a backhanded compliment ^. Edited December 22, 2017 by kutek
hercules22 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 He said ''I'll be honest, you might be unattractive physically to someone else/others but you'll always be attractive to me'' He always calls me beautiful and cute but I feel like he called me ugly in a nice way in that statement? He's just a guy that I talk to and haven't met up with yet. We were discussing our looks and I was complaining about how ugly I am. He said that I'm not and followed it up with what seems to me as a backhanded compliment ^. his not saying you are ugly he is just reinforcing by saying others may think that but he finds you attractive 1
phineas Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 he's saying he's been eating retard sandwiches. this is a very good example of a man saying something really stupid to a woman when he tries to creatively compliment her. just go with it. 9
Author kutek Posted December 22, 2017 Author Posted December 22, 2017 Lol what do you mean go with it? Yes, he often comes up with weird statements like this but he doesn't seem very good with girls considering he's never had a girlfriend and he's 22 years old 1
smackie9 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 First off....stop being passive aggressive by fishing for a compliment from a guy by putting yourself down....it's not very flattering to have no confidence in yourself. Be very careful because if you show this much lack of self esteem, because you will fall prey to manipulative/controlling men. If he is awkward, he will always be awkward.... 14
Author kutek Posted December 22, 2017 Author Posted December 22, 2017 First off....stop being passive aggressive by fishing for a compliment from a guy by putting yourself down....it's not very flattering to have no confidence in yourself. Be very careful because if you show this much lack of self esteem, because you will fall prey to manipulative/controlling men. I know but I'm completely honest with him about my insecurities yet he hasn't stopped talking to me; I think it's because I'm the only girl who's given him this much attention.
basil67 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 I know but I'm completely honest with him about my insecurities yet he hasn't stopped talking to me; I think it's because I'm the only girl who's given him this much attention. Oh well, I guess you have to give him points for honesty..... It's wise to keep your insecurities to yourself as much as possible. If you need help dealing with them, go see a professional. And telling people you're ugly is a classic way to fish for compliments. Young teenage girls do it on Instagram all the time. It's one thing to say that you worry about being accepted or liked, but it's another thing altogether to say that you're fat or ugly. Meanwhile, if a person has had little attention over the years, there's usually a good reason for it. 2
act00 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 Sounds more like "foot in mouth syndrome" than a shrouded insult, but ouch just the same! Don't take it personally. As you get to know him, you'll learn if he's judgmental or just awkward in how he says things sometimes. What he said is reality -- not all men are going to find you attractive. Don't go fishing for complements or try to draw complements out of him, and not by putting yourself down. You don't always get the result you want, and you don't want to be insecure and needy, either. 3
Versacehottie Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 I know but I'm completely honest with him about my insecurities yet he hasn't stopped talking to me; I think it's because I'm the only girl who's given him this much attention. you are going to need to be honest with yourself. You have a pit of insecurity and sharing it with a guy you are talking to who gave you an awkward compliment. There is quite the irony that you see what he's done as worse or bad and nothing wrong with what you did by talking about your insecurities/fishing for compliments. When you look at those two events alone side by side and see which is more indicative of what could be a promising and healthy person to get into a relationship with he wins by a mile. In other words, that he was awkward with a compliment to try to pull you out of your miserable whinging is far less problematic than the fact that you are insecure, fishing for compliments and looking to outside sources to give it and then dissect that to death. Get yourself in check and good luck 2
Gaeta Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 He said ''I'll be honest, you might be unattractive physically to someone else/others but you'll always be attractive to me'' This is a negative critic disguised in a compliment. It has for objective to put you down and make you believe no one else than this guy will want you. He always calls me beautiful and cute but I feel like he called me ugly in a nice way in that statement? He's just a guy that I talk to and haven't met up with yet. We were discussing our looks and I was complaining about how ugly I am. He said that I'm not and followed it up with what seems to me as a backhanded compliment ^. STOP doing that!! You never put yourself down in front of a man, that's how abusers and manipulators know they can play with your mind and slowly manipulate you and completely destroy the little bit of self worth you have. He already started with: you might be unattractive physically to someone else 3
kendahke Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 Fishing for compliments, calling yourself ugly, considering the guy to be a liar because he sees you through his eyes and not yours are all manipulation tactics to keep the narrative you're telling yourself from changing: that who you are is not good enough. Anytime he veers off of that narrative, you're there to corral him back to the acceptable mindset that your insecurities created. Unless he's a licensed therapist, there is really nothing he can do about your insecurities if you're not going to do something about getting them back on their leash. In fact, you'd be better served by talking to a therapist about them so you can quit using them to manipulate others or as a crutch. 3
BarbedFenceRider Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 I'm going with the others on this...two awkward nerds are falling for each other. lol J/k Hey, I remember girls coming up to me in clubs and bars when I was younger. They would ask me the most stupid questions to get into conversations... " I learned along time ago that 1st. impressions are almost always blown." " look to the 2nd, and 3rd for better confirmation." I do agree with others that fishing for compliments can backfire in big ways, so be careful. But you can always be direct with the fellow here. And tell him his "compliments" are leaving less to be desired. Give him the example and see what his reaction is. He may open up to insecurities of his own of not being able to process emotion into a formative conversation...ie. he likes you. (caveman stuff here)\ Or he starts to fire off insults and degradation concerning your "looks". Then you have your answer....He's a manipulative jerk. (But I still am not leaning that way...) 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 Lol what do you mean go with it? Yes, he often comes up with weird statements like this but he doesn't seem very good with girls considering he's never had a girlfriend and he's 22 years old You both sound awkward with the opposite sex; he being horrible with giving compliments and you constantly promoting your insecurities. Looks like a match made in heaven. Enjoy. 4
basil67 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 I've just got to throw in the suggestion that by complaining about being ugly, you're putting him in a no-win situation. If he agrees with you, he gets criticised for being rude. If he disagrees with you, you won't believe him anyway. Also, if he tells you you're not ugly, he's rewarding your behaviour and you'll keep doing it. These are the reasons you need to stop. 6
Frostedflake Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 Honestly, you're giving him the upper hand to be manipulative and rude to you. If you know he's not good with women, he's bound to say the wrong thing. But if he's low-key wise, he's going to pretend he doesn't know he's doing it so that any blame falls on you when you get offended. It's not wrong to share insecurities with people that you KNOW. People you've only begun to date though? Not so great. Might as well give him your pin and social security number, because you're about to get taken advantage of. 1
rightondude Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 when people say "I'll be honest" whatever comes next is usually BS. Either that or everything else they've said has been BS because now they're qualifying it by saying, "hey this time I'm being honest! I swear!" ... well, actually that's not always the case, sometimes people qualify "edgy" statements by proclaiming they're just being honest. I will say it is exhausting trying to compliment someone with low self esteem. They never believe you. So maybe he was just trying a way to make that happen. Note this is coming from someone (me) with low self esteem who puts his own looks down quite frequently as well. I think I usually do so in order to appear modest or not arrogant. It's a fine line. 1
staggerlee71 Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 this is classic example of two people who have no confidence or know how to get it. "to be honest" is a prelude to a perceived edgy, risky statement by the the person who says it Imagine for a minute that you have complete control on your actions. Then imagine what life would be like if pursued your desire through your actions. You have that now. Stop reading signs and get to bottom of it. go get him 1
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 Note this is coming from someone (me) with low self esteem who puts his own looks down quite frequently as well. I think I usually do so in order to appear modest or not arrogant. It's a fine line. There is no fine line....you got an unanimous vote from us on how wrong it makes things look for you. Be gracious, be confident. Attraction is in the eye of the beholder. Putting yourself down makes you unattractive.
rightondude Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 (edited) There is no fine line....you got an unanimous vote from us on how wrong it makes things look for you. Be gracious, be confident. Attraction is in the eye of the beholder. Putting yourself down makes you unattractive. I find humility and humorous self deprecation attractive. IE "I'm such a goofball! I did this..." Rather than the attitude "my **** don't stink." Almost nothing's a bigger turn off to me than a know it all who never apologizes. Some people do have too much self esteem! but it can be a fine line between "I'm so ugly!", fishing for compliments for reassurance, and this self deprecation. Edited December 23, 2017 by rightondude 1
Lorenza Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 I don't care why he said what he did, but I just want to add this - tell someone you're ugly enough times and you might succeed to convince them 2
basil67 Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 I remember a girlfriend from many years ago. We were about 12yo. Thin as a stick she was. She'd always tell us how fat she was and we'd always reassure her that she wasn't. One day I got fed up with her incessant complaining and agreed with her. No, not my finest move, but hey, I was 12. Even for a child, being around people who complain about themselves gets to be so exasperating. These days, I think I'd simply cut them off and reply with "I'm not doing this with you"
basil67 Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 I find humility and humorous self deprecation attractive. IE "I'm such a goofball! I did this..." Rather than the attitude "my **** don't stink." Almost nothing's a bigger turn off to me than a know it all who never apologizes. Some people do have too much self esteem! but it can be a fine line between "I'm so ugly!", fishing for compliments for reassurance, and this self deprecation. Actually the line is rather wide. Putting down your appearance is quite different to saying "I'm a goofball! I did this". It actually takes a great deal of confidence to humoursly put yourself down. But it takes no confidence whatsoever to insult yourself. 1
LilySun Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 I think he was just saying if other people find you unattractive that he disagrees with them. He was trying to make you feel better, his phrasing here was just a little off. 2
Kevinehv Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 He said ''I'll be honest, you might be unattractive physically to someone else/others but you'll always be attractive to me'' He always calls me beautiful and cute but I feel like he called me ugly in a nice way in that statement? He's just a guy that I talk to and haven't met up with yet. We were discussing our looks and I was complaining about how ugly I am. He said that I'm not and followed it up with what seems to me as a backhanded compliment ^. I think it could be an attempt from his side to eliminate you from dating other guys... not the smartest comment to a woman but we've all been there.
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