purplesoccer34 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 There's a guy who works in the same building as me, although not directly with me. This guy is very friendly - he might be a little awkward when meeting someone for the first time, but in general, he makes friends very easily. When we first met, he hardly spoke to me - in fact, he was rather distant and reserved. But over time, we got to know each other better, especially as we started spending time with other coworkers. Eventually we became friends - he'd frequently stop by my desk just to chat, and we'd joke around a bit in our emails to each other. We both also started to become friends with our other coworkers, and we'd all hangout outside of work pretty regularly. Other than the time we spend with our friends however, he and I have never hung out outside of work one-on-one. We also hardly text each other outside of work (aside from the group chats that our friends created, but these group chats are always very active lol). One day, we all went out and he and I got a little drunk. He started to flirt with me, and asked me about all the guys in my life. He then did something that absolutely surprised me - while we were talking, he kissed me out of nowhere and said that he's always liked me as something more than a friend. He said that he's single and would love to go out with me. But after that night, he has been completely aloof. I have tried texting him just to initiate conversation, but his responses are probably two words at most. He doesn't stop by my desk at work just to chat anymore - In fact, it seems that he talks to everyone except me. Previously, he'd also tease me a lot in our group chats with our friends, but that has now stopped completely. It seems hopeless - all my efforts to make conversation with him have failed. He just doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore. I'm very confused - I'm wondering why he said all of that. I'm thinking it's just because he was drunk, and really didn't mean what he said. I wonder if maybe I could have said/done something to upset him, but I can't think of anything. My other guess is that he regrets what he said, and that's why he's not speaking to me.
Jdoublenn Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 Sounds like he freaked out after getting drunk and chummy.. I would tend to think he meant it, but is extremely embarrassed OR he lied about part of it and maybe is seeing someone else and got too comfortable with you... Theres really no telling.. Sucky situation overall.
lovephule Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 One day, we all went out and he and I got a little drunk. He started to flirt with me, and asked me about all the guys in my life. He then did something that absolutely surprised me - while we were talking, he kissed me out of nowhere and said that he's always liked me as something more than a friend. He said that he's single and would love to go out with How did you respond in the moment?
Author purplesoccer34 Posted December 22, 2017 Author Posted December 22, 2017 How did you respond in the moment? I smiled sort of hesitantly and said "I like you too." I really wasn't expecting it though, which is probably why I came across as doubtful.
Author purplesoccer34 Posted December 22, 2017 Author Posted December 22, 2017 Sounds like he freaked out after getting drunk and chummy.. I would tend to think he meant it, but is extremely embarrassed OR he lied about part of it and maybe is seeing someone else and got too comfortable with you... Theres really no telling.. Sucky situation overall. He did say that he's on a dating app and has been going on dates. Who knows, maybe he is seeing someone else.
act00 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 He's a coworker, one you see regularly, and getting involved with coworkers can be a slippery slope. Perhaps he doesn't wish to "pee where he eats" and regrets having kissed you and taking things to the next level and of course there's also the possibility he's seeing someone, even if it hasn't reached the "exclusive" phase yet, and of course, he is attracted to you, but not in such a way he wants to pursue anything serious. It sounds like he's over-correcting and behaving the exact opposite, as he doesn't want any action or word to lead you on or come across as flirting or showing interest. Hopefully he'll get back to his old ways when you're all part of the gang again, but right now, I wouldn't expect anything more to happen with this guy, at least romantically. 2
sdraw108 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 He's a coworker, one you see regularly, and getting involved with coworkers can be a slippery slope. Perhaps he doesn't wish to "pee where he eats" and regrets having kissed you and taking things to the next level and of course there's also the possibility he's seeing someone, even if it hasn't reached the "exclusive" phase yet, and of course, he is attracted to you, but not in such a way he wants to pursue anything serious. It sounds like he's over-correcting and behaving the exact opposite, as he doesn't want any action or word to lead you on or come across as flirting or showing interest. Hopefully he'll get back to his old ways when you're all part of the gang again, but right now, I wouldn't expect anything more to happen with this guy, at least romantically. So now he's "peeing where he eats" by handling it really badly after the event! There are graceful and non-graceful ways of extricating yourself from drunken mistakes.
act00 Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 So now he's "peeing where he eats" by handling it really badly after the event! There are graceful and non-graceful ways of extricating yourself from drunken mistakes. Peeing where you eat is merely a way of saying don't date coworkers, don't get involved personally with someone or something that can destroy your means of livelihood, don't mix business with pleasure, etc. I never defended the guy's behavior or management of the aftermath of his actions. Not everyone is going to manage the situation in the most stellar way, and not necessarily in a mature manner. The OP asked a "why" question, and I gave some reasons that came to mind.
bachdude Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 I dunno OP, you said you didn’t reciprocate very enthusiastically. Maybe he feels rejected. Just a thought.
rightondude Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 sounds kinda like he had "buyer's remorse" the next day after drying out. I've done it with a co-worker before and then totally went quiet. I'm not proud of it. Hope that's not what happened to you but that's kinda what it sounds like.
Assassino Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 If someone stops talking to me then I just get on with my life. If they want to be in it, they will.
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2017 Posted December 23, 2017 He could have been razzed by others about it, and maybe feels you just said it back to be nice.....anywho, he's being a coward. Do you really want to be dating a spineless twit?
mortensorchid Posted December 24, 2017 Posted December 24, 2017 Based on what you have said there are/were a few red flags that you may or may not have been aware of. You sound very young (as in in your early / mid twenties) and this sounds like you are in your first job. I have many things to say about these facts which I will try to abbreviate into the shortest and to the point things possible, about working and about this particular person: 1) Coworkers are not friends - I have said this before and will say it again until I am blue in the face. Coworkers are not friends. It's easy for you to think that coworkers are friends because you spend more time with them than you will with anyone else. They are NOT FRIENDS. They will stab you in the back, tell on one another, lie, cheat, etc. It doesn't matter what exactly you do or don't do jobwise at the office, what the male:female ratio is, what your education level is or is not, etc. They are NOT FRIENDS and don't make the mistake of being friends with any of them. 2) Drinking with coworkers - This is probably the kiss of death in any situation possible. Liquid makes for loose lips, bad behaviors come out, etc. Unless you are with someone who is a complete alcoholic mess and it's obvious, or you are with someone who is bipolar, this is a very dangerous situation to be in. AVOID. 3) Love and coworkers - NEVER EVER attempt to have your sexual needs met by a coworker. You will NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN. The most dangerous of them all. With the above rules not included, don't waste any more time trying to figure out what is/is not wrong with this situation. He is no longer interested. I think he did you a favor quite honestly if he considers above rules.
Hopeful30 Posted December 24, 2017 Posted December 24, 2017 I don't mean to sound harsh but...even if you find out why, it won't change anything. He still reacted how he did. He wasn't man enough to deal with the situation properly. "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
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