was-loved Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 Well..I have been reading alot of these forums lately for new light on my situation.I am horribly confused anymore on what I want with my ex.Here is the whole story..long but detailed. My ex and I were married in 94 I left him in the summer of 95.I loved him more than life but couldnt deal with his family(controlling bullcrap)and him becoming distant so his mom would be happy.We were very young me..20.him 24..then.I realized I had to leave thought that I wasnt the ONE for him..his family hATED me.For what reason I have no clue.So I left moved outta stae u name it.He contacted my family alot nd after 2 years of me being gone i came back to town to be with my family again.That was in 97..I wasnt here for 24 hrs and my ex found me came over nd started seeing me alot.That onlylasted 6 weeks or so I couldnt deal with the parents drama and him being hot cold..i love you..i hate you.He ended up rebounding to a younger gal with mental problems and married her had a kid the whole works.Well fast forward to 2003...my best friend comes over and yells he is gettin divorced..heres your chance she says.I have always loved him ..and was hoping oneday we could work this out for all.Well 6 mths later I called him in April 04.Nice convo he was happy to hear from me .been many years since we talked or even seen eachother.Well I go out to his house after he asks me too.All hell broke loose..BAM!!!There went a relationship I didnt see coming.Perfect in the 1st 3 mths it was..took my breath away!Then here came hot cold ..never saying I love you..just saying he doesnt know what he wants and regretted us.Damn that hurt!!He would then come back 5 6 times saying I am sorry send me flowers u name it.And the idiot I am I kept taking him back.I have lost my best friend thru this mess. My family has backed off till I am almost ignored too.Well we didnt really have anything going at all from dec 04-may 05. I didnt trust him anymore so i stayed away and stayed distant.He would call my cell alot asking me to go to his races..mountain bike ones.I would say NO and say i was busy with my family which i was at my brothers alot outta town.Well after that he called me one last time a week later.Saying he is engaged! I was shocked and said well congrats..i think.Here I thought ok move on DONE!! Well noooo..he started talkin about him and I in detail.UGH tears and hate flow i am miserable!That phone call lasted 2 hrs.Finally I said have a great life i have to go.I hung up.Since then I have called his cell maybe 4 times and left a message. Why I think becuase my lonliness was making me miss him and i was only thinking of good stuff we had.Which isnt alot.He told me once he knows he does and says stupid stuff to me.Like DUH!! Although I should have optimisim and not read into the negative.Yeah ok.Yeah a future was talked about too often in and outta of nowhere.Then he would say i cant have a relationship --yet.His parents never found out we were seeing eachother either.I was a secret for a year!! Which I hated.Well now my life has gone on and I am just now feeling good on alot of days and BAM!! He resurfaces..he runs into another friend of mine and all brings me up.My friend not knowing i dont want him back tells him i gota new job adn where and when i am around town!I go to my work last thurs and there is my ex!!!1 week after he talked to my friend.Telling my friend I cant see or talk to her ..not yet.I am NOT a puppet nor am I liking being in limbo!!!So I am now looking over my shoulder at work and no contact is still in place.Damn it I want him outta my life for good this time he has something wrong with him and i dont need his heartbreak over and over!I was almost suicidal evrytime I left his house.it was that bad.Up down Up down all the time!And i dont believe in breaks or needing space.Oh and told my friend he had lied about the engagement just wanted to push me away.Like i knew that if he cant committ to me how coudl he be engaged??? DUH??Please tell me I am in the right here moving on and not letting him back in.I wouldnt talk to him when i saw him face to face i walked away.Not again is what i thought!Any thoughts I would appreciate ..thanks..
Teag Posted August 23, 2005 Posted August 23, 2005 Honey you are in the right, you need to try & move on. If he is still the same 10 years later its always going to be like that. You need to find someone who loves you & treats you like you deserve to be treated. This guy obviously has major issues and from what it sounds like it runs in the family, you don't want to subject any future kids to that do you? Go out, have fun & date...date until you find the perfect man.
was-loved Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Hey thank you sooo very much on the advice!! Yes i do feel alot that i am done with him and yes have to move on and willing too alot!!Hopefullty he can stay away from my job and life will be good!! That is my only fear is that he will keep coming to my job when i am there. UGH!! I hate seeing him and all bad experinces surface right then and there and i dont need to be miserably peeoed at my job.My life is continuing yes for sure without him in it!! :)Time does wonderful things as much as it can drag it heals alot..Nice to have my sanity back with my confidence as well too and soo very thank you for kind words...
Teag Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 If he keeps comming to your job, tell your boss he's bothering you & ask him to take tell him not to come. I know at some of my jobs we weren't allowed visiters often. I think you can do it & Good Luck in the future.
Mr.positive Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 I think you did the right thing to much stress and drama is not good just makes you lose focus. Good luck in life.
Candy Cane Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Well, I must play devil's advocate here. Yeah, it sounds like a lot of drama and heartbreak. Sounds like you both have some issues. But, I was watching The Mexican the other day. Remember the line about how if you love someone enough is never enough? Something like that. Well, it sounds like you two might really love each other. I mean, this has gone on for years. I guess you can fight it if you want to but so far it doesn't seem like you've been successful. Personally, I think you should tell him that you really love him and that you are sorry that you left him before. Tell him that you've always loved him but that you could not handle his family. Tell him that you want things to work and that you are willing to do what it takes to make things work. And then, ask him to get into couples counseling with you. Tell him that it's the only way you see things changing (as you two really need some professional help). See what he says. Of course, there are never any guarantees. Life is hard and sometimes very painful. With that in mind, you might as well take a shot at getting what you actually want. Take care.
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