2nd date and spending the night

[LilySun]

Well now he is asking me about plans for New Yrs eve also. So clearly he is thinking past the weekend and that basically answers my question.

[Jdoublenn]

Well now he is asking me about plans for New Yrs eve also. So clearly he is thinking past the weekend and that basically answers my question.

 

Thats exciting! Let us know how the weekend goes!

[Gr8fuln2020]

Well now he is asking me about plans for New Yrs eve also. So clearly he is thinking past the weekend and that basically answers my question.

 

I am wondering why you posted for any kind of advice. You are not objective at all. Everything this stranger has said is familiar MO by guys who play. I'm not saying that he may not be authentic, but none of his actions indicate, in any concrete way, that he safe or to be trusted. You have tangible, meaningful history.

 

How old are you? You sound like someone completely new to relationships.

 

Good luck. I hope he doesn't end up using or hurting you.

[LilySun]

I am wondering why you posted for any kind of advice. You are not objective at all. Everything this stranger has said is familiar MO by guys who play. I'm not saying that he may not be authentic, but none of his actions indicate, in any concrete way, that he safe or to be trusted. You have tangible, meaningful history.

 

How old are you? You sound like someone completely new to relationships.

 

Good luck. I hope he doesn't end up using or hurting you.

 

I wasn't seeking advice on safety. I am not worried about that and I have squashed many guys in my time that make me uncomfortable in any way. That's not happening here.

 

I was only questioning if his intentions go beyond this weekend but he's talking about doing things another week into the future so that was all I wondering for now. Now he's telling me about a NYE party he got invited to and asked if I'm interested. Point being his mind isn't only on the weekend...this is good.

[RecentChange]

It's not about the sex.

 

It's about isolating herself, in a place she never went, with a man she doesn't know at all. Having a ONS at home is different, you can call for help, you know your neighbors, you have phone services, you can yell and it will alarm someone. OP is heading in an isolated place she doesn't even know the address, they're may be no phone service there, she may be isolated in a place with miles to the next neighbor. On top of that she won't even have her own vehicle to get out of there because I assume he will drive her. She is putting her entire security in the hands of a man she met once.

 

Yeah I guess.... I forget a that a.... Large percentage of men will rape or kill you (I know greata we have debated in the past because I do crazy things like walk alone in cities at night while having a vagina).

 

Personally, I trust my instincts, and I am a very confident and physically strong woman. Perhaps I forget that others have different circumstances.

 

I missed the part about no cell phone reception. Perhaps I am too trusting, and I certainly do not conduct myself with a fearful state of mind.

Edited December 22, 2017 by RecentChange

[SevenCity]

Talking about New Year’s Eve?? Ok, this guy is a stalker psycho serial killer.

 

Next thing you know he will want to take you out again and *gasp* want a relationship! Run!!!!

 

He’s acting like a guy who is interested. Good. Hopefully you two click and can let everyone know that sometimes things just work.

[LilySun]

Yeah I guess.... I forget a that a.... Large percentage of men will rape or kill you (I know greata we have debated in the past because I do crazy things like walk alone in cities at night while having a vagina).

 

Personally, I trust my instincts, and I am a very confident and physically strong woman. Perhaps I forget that others have different circumstances.

 

 

I missed the part about no cell phone reception. Perhaps I am too trusting, and I certainly do not conduct myself with a fearful state of mind.

 

 

Lol... It's not a place so secluded that there is no cell service. It's in a popular and well-known town. But it's on a large area of land. It's all also a place of business that he runs himself. It's not a tiny cabin in the dark woods like horror movies. . Certainly not a place that would be impossible to find or anything like that. We talked for several weeks before we even got around to meeting. (I had to cancel twice, he had to cancel once). So I knew a lot about the spot way before he asked me to go there. I saw the pictures and said it looks beautiful... So naturally he may have figured I would like it.

[BaileyB]

I wasn't seeking advice on safety.

 

No, you weren't asking. And, you are clearly not listening to any advice, either.

 

I will be curious to see how this goes...

[Gaeta]

You have children Lily? Imagine your daughter met a guy for the first time and in the middle of that FIRST meeting he told her their next date he'll bring her to his cabin for a night-over. You really would be thrilled for your daughter?? Wouldn't you think she is being careless and lacking judgement? because for many of us you do come across as someone lacking judgement and just simple common sense.

 

If you want to know if this guy is interested beyond sleeping with you then tell him something came up and you cannot make it, lets see how interested he really is.

 

And he make plans for NYE? Big meh! a man will tell you anythiing you want to hear till he gets you into bed. As a woman in her 40s you should know that by now.

 

You spoke about this man being closed to his daughter, you think he'd let her head in a cabin in the woods (on a big piece of land) with a stranger who asked her on a 1st meet?

Edited December 22, 2017 by Gaeta

[LilySun]

No, you weren't asking. And, you are clearly not listening to any advice, either.

 

I will be curious to see how this goes...

 

I didn't ask if I should go or not... Some would and some wouldn't that's okay. But it's not what I was asking. The part about going was already decided.

 

But now we are already debating to do something else instead like see a movie because rain is in the forecast tomorrow night and that defeats the purpose of going to a place where we'd hang outdoors. He is suggesting if weather gets nasty that we do something in town instead. He invited me to a Nye party next week. So the only thing I initially wondered about when I posted is basically answering itself now. He said if weather ruins our plans that he will just take me there another time. We could easily end up just going to a movie tomorrow night and he hasn't suggested that I go home with him after.

[BaileyB]

I didn't ask if I should go or not... Some would and some wouldn't that's okay. But it's not what I was asking. The part about going was already decided.

 

But now we are already debating to do something else instead like see a movie because rain is in the forecast tomorrow night and that defeats the purpose of going to a place where we'd hang outdoors. He is suggesting if weather gets nasty that we do something in town instead. He invited me to a Nye party next week. So the only thing I initially wondered about when I posted is basically answering itself now. He said if weather ruins our plans that he will just take me there another time. We could easily end up just going to a movie tomorrow night and he hasn't suggested that I go home with him after.

 

A much better plan. Glad to hear it.

 

If things do go well, there will be many other opportunities to go to his cabin.

[LilySun]

A much better plan. Glad to hear it.

 

If things do go well, there will be many other opportunities to go to his cabin.

 

Yeah. He was the one who pointed out the forecast looks grim but said he "still would love to take me out" and "there will be plenty other chances to go there".

[Jdoublenn]

Good lord LS. Cut the woman some slack!

 

She met a cool guy who she feels comfortable with and he asked her to come over.

 

She posted:

Just wondering if this means he is expecting sex already or what?

 

But should I assume this means he doesn't want anything serious?

 

She didn't ask IF she should go or for opinions on her decision to go. All she wanted was opinions on if she thought it was rushed, and many people said yes. She took that advice and is now making her own choices. Why is that such a bad thing?

 

Is it so hard to encourage a fellow LS woman to be happy and have a fun weekend and possibly upcoming holiday??

[LilySun]

Good lord LS. Cut the woman some slack!

 

She met a cool guy who she feels comfortable with and he asked her to come over.

 

She posted:

 

 

She didn't ask IF she should go or for opinions on her decision to go. All she wanted was opinions on if she thought it was rushed, and many people said yes. She took that advice and is now making her own choices. Why is that such a bad thing?

 

Is it so hard to encourage a fellow LS woman to be happy and have a fun weekend and possibly upcoming holiday??

 

Haha.. Thanks. I mean, 98% of the time, I don't feel too comfortable and positive on the 1st date. All of which were also the last date. I have been asked for sex before they even meet me etc... And I didn't have to think about telling them no. Or if I felt unsafe for any reason at all, plenty of times I bailed quickly on that.

So I have been dying to get that comfortable /positive feeling for once, and I did. I was also treated like a queen by the guy. This is the part that gets confusing... Because I have had plenty of FWB. Plenty of guys who "don't want a relationship"... They didn't take me out and treat me like a queen. They didn't dare ask me to a holiday party where I'd meet their friends.. Or make plans with me im advance what so ever.. Nor did they bother to ask about my day or text me daily. When they want only sex.. They mean it.

 

So to have a guy that treats me good and really seems to like me... Well that's all I could ever ask for... The confusing part is how fast it happened. If he's a FWB guy or a ONS guy... Well he is the most attentive one I've ever met like that.

 

That line about "guys will say or do anything to get you in bed"... This can't be further from the truth... Lol... When guys only want sex from me, they don't want to do any work... They just plain say it.. I want sex. I'm not going to act like you're boyfriend. I don't want to meet your friends. I never had any kind wine and dining from men like that.. Just a few drinks, at most. Then it's just sex.

 

I've just always had men be very straight forward right away, if they don't want a girlfriend and just want sex. This guy isn't saying those things. He invited me to spend the night somewhere... But if all he wants his nookie.. Why isn't he just flat out saying so like all the others? Why is he inviting me to a holiday party? For all the FWB I've had,this would be highly against their rules .

 

Just a thought. Lol.

[elaine567]

But he IS looking for sex ASAP, only he is being a bit cleverer and sneakier than most by wrapping it up in a fancier package.

Come to my cabin, little lady...

 

Yes, he may be an upfront guy, but to say he is not looking for sex like the other guys is ridiculous.

By inviting you to stay over = sex.

He may not be as uncouth as the other guys you are used to but the result is the same.

Sex on the second date.

At this point we have no idea whether the NYE party invitation is real or not, we have no idea whether he will want to see you again or not.

There is no way to tell.

Is he just a smooth talking cad, or a decent guy looking for company?

Time will reveal all.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Lol. If there is any doubt to whether this guy wants sex, well.....that is a no-brainer. Come on.

 

Someone mentioned that the OP wasn't asking for permission to have sex so early...

 

Just wondering if this means he is expecting sex already or what?

 

It is obvious that he does.

 

But should I assume this means he doesn't want anything serious?

 

There is absolutely no way of knowing for certain right now or the near future. His talking of making future plans is not necessarily a sign of wanting anything serious.

[Gaeta]

So I have been dying to get that comfortable /positive feeling for once, and I did. I was also treated like a queen by the guy.

How do you know he treats you like a queen you have only spent a couple of hours with him. If you had been on 3-4 dates you could at least have the beginning of an opinion on him now you have nothing.

 

This is the part that gets confusing... Because I have had plenty of FWB. Plenty of guys who "don't want a relationship"... They didn't take me out and treat me like a queen.

This guy did not ask you out either. He asked you for night of sex in a cabin. Yes yes yes he wanted to cook and make a fire outside, big deal. It was still an invitation for sex.

 

They didn't dare ask me to a holiday party where I'd meet their friends.. Or make plans with me im advance what so ever.. Nor did they bother to ask about my day or text me daily. When they want only sex.. They mean it.

Maybe this guy has a new girl at his NYE party each year that he dumps on January 3rd. You know nothing of this guy. To him introducing you to his friends means nothing. I have a brother that brought home a new girl for xmas 5 years in a row. It was just a girl he met shortly before, they never last till Valentine's Day. Him bringing these girls home meant nothing, just that he wouldn't be the only one single on xmas night.

 

That line about "guys will say or do anything to get you in bed"... This can't be further from the truth... Lol... When guys only want sex from me, they don't want to do any work... They just plain say it.. I want sex. I'm not going to act like you're boyfriend. I don't want to meet your friends. I never had any kind wine and dining from men like that.. Just a few drinks, at most. Then it's just sex.

Seems many of us have had a different experience but you won't hear any of it.

 

I've just always had men be very straight forward right away, if they don't want a girlfriend and just want sex. This guy isn't saying those things. He invited me to spend the night somewhere... But if all he wants his nookie.. Why isn't he just flat out saying so like all the others? Why is he inviting me to a holiday party? For all the FWB I've had,this would be highly against their rules .

Because men are different. Some men don't want to hook-up cold, they want a little flirting dance before, they want to take you out to dinner, they want to show you a good time but they still just want sex.

 

Think about it. You are int he middle of a FIRST meeting and the man invites you to spend the night with him. How much more straight forward could he be about wanting sex? and wanting it fast.

 

Talking 3 weeks before meeting means nothing.

[Gaeta]

Is it so hard to encourage a fellow LS woman to be happy and have a fun weekend and possibly upcoming holiday??

 

When we see something that is dangerous we point it out. I feel it's our duty as women to warn each other of possible traps. No, I cannot be happy for a woman that shows no common sense for her own security. If she had seen him for 1 month and he wanted to take her out to a cottage, sure. But a man she met ONCE that cannot even wait till the first date is over to ask her for an sleep-over, so tacky, so un-gentleman.

[BaileyB]

Two ways to look at this situation...

 

One, so romantic. In your first meeting, you enjoyed his company and felt very comfortable with him. He made you feel wanted and appreciated... you haven't felt that for a while, so it felt good. He has a beautiful cabin, it's Christmas and it would be so lovely to go to the cabin to have a bonfire and cuddle together by the fire... ah, the romance of it all. And, then he asked you to spend New Years together and introduce you to his family... which must mean that he's interested and he sees a future with you.

 

Or, this guy is putting a lot of effort into this but he still asked you for sex on the first date. He asked you to do something that is unsafe and would make many women very uncomfortable. He is moving very quickly, love bombing you, by asking you out for New Years, telling you that there will be other trips to the cabin, and hinting of a future with you.

 

What is the truth of the situation? It's hard to know, because you've actually only known this man for a short time and you've only spent several hours in his presence. It takes time to know someone and develop a relationship. I hope that things work out for you and that he is everything that you hope he is... but, I have lived long enough in this life to be skeptical of the fact that instarelationships like this are often more fantasy than reality. Would I want to pursue this relationship to see where it goes - sure. But, I would definitely manage my expectations, slow things down, and not put my safety at risk until I am sure that this guy is worthy of your trust.

Edited December 22, 2017 by BaileyB

[Eternal Sunshine]

Haha.. Thanks. I mean, 98% of the time, I don't feel too comfortable and positive on the 1st date. All of which were also the last date. I have been asked for sex before they even meet me etc... And I didn't have to think about telling them no. Or if I felt unsafe for any reason at all, plenty of times I bailed quickly on that.

So I have been dying to get that comfortable /positive feeling for once, and I did. I was also treated like a queen by the guy. This is the part that gets confusing... Because I have had plenty of FWB. Plenty of guys who "don't want a relationship"... They didn't take me out and treat me like a queen. They didn't dare ask me to a holiday party where I'd meet their friends.. Or make plans with me im advance what so ever.. Nor did they bother to ask about my day or text me daily. When they want only sex.. They mean it.

 

So to have a guy that treats me good and really seems to like me... Well that's all I could ever ask for... The confusing part is how fast it happened. If he's a FWB guy or a ONS guy... Well he is the most attentive one I've ever met like that.

 

That line about "guys will say or do anything to get you in bed"... This can't be further from the truth... Lol... When guys only want sex from me, they don't want to do any work... They just plain say it.. I want sex. I'm not going to act like you're boyfriend. I don't want to meet your friends. I never had any kind wine and dining from men like that.. Just a few drinks, at most. Then it's just sex.

 

I've just always had men be very straight forward right away, if they don't want a girlfriend and just want sex. This guy isn't saying those things. He invited me to spend the night somewhere... But if all he wants his nookie.. Why isn't he just flat out saying so like all the others? Why is he inviting me to a holiday party? For all the FWB I've had,this would be highly against their rules .

 

Just a thought. Lol.

 

I would agree with you until an experience earlier this year. Guy treated me like a queen for 5 dates with no sex.

 

Planned romantic dates and texted me multiple times a day. Introduced me to his friends. Planned a trip with me. Then we had sex on dates 6 and 7. After date 7, once I got home, I found out that he suddenly blocked me on social media without so much as a message "it's not working out". I tried to text him a few times but he never responded.

 

My first experience of being ghosted with no clue why.

 

So proceed with caution.

[greymatter]

I would agree with you until an experience earlier this year. Guy treated me like a queen for 5 dates with no sex.

 

Planned romantic dates and texted me multiple times a day. Introduced me to his friends. Planned a trip with me. Then we had sex on dates 6 and 7. After date 7, once I got home, I found out that he suddenly blocked me on social media without so much as a message "it's not working out". I tried to text him a few times but he never responded.

 

My first experience of being ghosted with no clue why.

 

So proceed with caution.

 

ES, that is so unbelievably sh**ty. So sorry that happened, some people just s&ck! To treat anyone like that after an investment of time and trust without a word is just insane. And fully agree - Lily is throwing caution to the wind because this guy is the first one who has shown her the kind of attention she craves, and says the right things.

 

Lily, I hope it works out for you, truly. I mean it.

Edited December 23, 2017 by greymatter

[act00]

Wow, ES, that's pretty crappy! I had a 3 month relationship where everything seemed to be going so well. We slept together early on. We just seemed to hit it off so well as friends and lovers, and I really saw a future, and then he was gone, and I don't know why. It was a blindside. Relationships are a risk. I hope things go well with the OP and her guy.

[LilySun]

Weather was not ideal for going away. We had dinner /drinks instead and a lot of talking. It was a pretty fantastic time.

 

Likely we won't get to see each other before NYE but instead of going to the party he asked me about, now we are going to my friends ' party instead

 

We already had common interests but we talked alot more about those and next thing we knew we a had a long list of things we swear we are going to do together. One is that we both love travel, we agreed that if we keep getting along this well, we will eventually take a trip together. We both love comedy so we are planning our next date to be comedy club night He was again very much of a gentleman and there was some making out. We had already done that though. He hasn't mentioned anything else suggesting I spend the night with him.

 

We agree that we like each other for sure and excited about where it might lead. So I'm no longer feeling confused about where I stand,for now at least I am almost on that "cloud 9" feeling, even. I think this is going to a good place.