LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 I've had 1 great date with a guy, we had a lot of chemistry and he makes me laugh and he is a gentleman. About halfway into the date, he invited me to spend the night the with him this weekend. He has a get away place about an hour away. I said yes. I was very comfortable with him and I have no concerns about safety or anything of that sort. But it feels fast. I want to go, I'm just not sure if this means he just wants a one night stand, or if he just really likes me? He does text sweet things every day and asks about my day, etc. We are both in our 40's. So it's not a big deal if relationships move quickly at our age. Just wondering if this means he is expecting sex already or what? We do have plans for things to do there, it's not just a house with a bed, in fact it's a romantic kind of spot. But should I assume this means he doesn't want anything serious?
SevenCity Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 Of course not. Him wanted to spend a weekend with you is the exact opposite behavior of a one night stand. If that is all I was looking for in a woman, last thing I’d want it to have to spend additional time with them. 2
Author LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 Of course not. Him wanted to spend a weekend with you is the exact opposite behavior of a one night stand. If that is all I was looking for in a woman, last thing I’d want it to have to spend additional time with them. I see what you mean. It's only 1 night and not the whole weekend, but it still applies I guess. Perhaps if that's all he wants then he would have tried getting it on the 1st date... Lol. I am excited and looking forward to it. I've been single quite awhile and he's the 1st guy I have truly liked in a very long time. But I have met so many men in the last couple years that "don't want a relationship" and "just want to have fun" and if I hear those words again I will scream. Just seems hardly no one wants the real thing anymore. So I'm just nervous and happy at the same time.
greymatter Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 Did his goals for dating come up on the first date? How will you feel if you go, and you don't see him again? 2
Author LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 Did his goals for dating come up on the first date? How will you feel if you go, and you don't see him again? We actually didn't discuss that. We just talked about ourselves and what we like for fun, etc, and we just laughed alot, and it all just happened naturally. But we met on a dating site and from that it appears we were both there for the same reason, to find a relationship. I will just have to ask him if I want to know, I guess. Of course I'd be disappointed if he ditched me after. But my gut feeling says that won't be happening. I am usually able to smell that kind of thing from a mile away and I don't this time. But I could be wrong.
greymatter Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 Makes sense. I only asked out of protectiveness for you.
greymatter Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 Where I'm coming from is that if I were already at the step of going away alone with someone overnight, I would want to know they are not seeing or sleeping with anyone else. 3
Author LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 Where I'm coming from is that if I were already at the step of going away alone with someone overnight, I would want to know they are not seeing or sleeping with anyone else. I do plan to ask about that. I don't believe he is, based on what I know of his life so far. But for piece of mind, I will probably ask him. I am happy but didn't expect to be at this point with him already.
Author LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 He also asked to be his friend on Facebook already... Lol. So I guess that should be a good sign for me...
greymatter Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 It all seems very rushed. You don't know him at all yet. Despite you feeling safe, I would recommend letting someone know his name and where you will be. 5
Maggie4 Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 House with a bed or house with two beds? I'd want to know. He knows. 1
Author LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 House with a bed or house with two beds? I'd want to know. He knows. Not sure. I'm really not too concerned about about that part. If it leads to sex I will likely not resist. I was just wondering if his invitation was a sign of a guy who doesn't want anything serious. Or, maybe he is the too-clingy type. Far as sex goes I'm not against doing that if that's where it goes. I will just be asking about his intentions before that happens.
RecentChange Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 (edited) My advice? Yes he is probably expecting sex on an overnight trip. If you are the type that isn't into that sort of thing, or would be heart broken if you didn't hear from him again after.... Don't go. If you can approach it with your feet on the ground - and your mind not in fantasy land - and if you would just shrug with an "eh his loss" if he disappears after, then go for it. It all depends on how vulnerable you allow yourself to be. Beyond that, none of us are mind readers or have seeing stones. No way to know what his "intentions" are My guess? To have a good time and see where things go. Edited December 21, 2017 by RecentChange 4
Author LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 My advice? Yes he is probably expecting sex on an overnight trip. If you are the type that isn't into that sort of thing, or would be heart broken if you didn't hear from him again after.... Don't go. If you can approach it with your feet on the ground - and your mind not in fantasy land - and if you would just shrug with an "eh his loss" if he disappears after, then go for it. It all depends on how vulnerable you allow yourself to be. Beyond that, none of us are mind readers or have seeing stones. No way to know what his "intentions" are My guess? To have a good time and see where things go. Thanks. You are probably right. And if I have sex it's okay with me. I have been without any intimacy what so ever for a long time. So if it's a one time thing that's fine I would just like to know before hand. So I know that I have to ask him in person. But I do hope he is on the same page as me which is, we had fabulous chemistry and would probably be great together. I have been used for sex and usually that guy won't text me all the time like he does... They don't want to be friends on Facebook but he does... Generally he acts a lot more into me than guys who just want to be fwb. It's all good things, however happening pretty fast. Maybe he is like me and just ready to be with someone and tired of the dating game when things are expected to go exactly a certain way. In your 40s this gets exhausting. You get tired of doing the dance and just want to find someone you click with and stick with them. Maybe he is just in that place like me. He strikes me as a romantic type. Or maybe he's a very good charmer that will get some and disappear.. . Guess I will find out.
RecentChange Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 My husband thought our second date was going to be a one night stand. I did too We were both cool with that concept... Turned out we were destined for something more. After one date, there is no knowing. Maybe he has intentions of a serious relationship but you two don't work out. Maybe he is thinking a one night stand and you two do work out. The future is hardly predictable. 2
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 I'm not convinced he only wants causal but a request for time away together . . . this weekend i.e. Christmas . .. I am not sure what to make of that. If you are both not Christian forgive my myopia & disregard this part of the comment. Early sex doesn't always mean ONS only but sex before an agreement to be exclusive at least implies casual. 1
mortensorchid Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 It doesn't sound like he's looking for a one night stand. He's asking you to go away for the weekend with him rather than something else. As in it doesn't sound racy or raunchy in any way. For example, years ago a guy asked me to come see him the next weekend because he had a waterbed. If that's not obvious, I don't know what is. But that aside, he doesn't sound like he's implying "I wanna f*** you", this sounds like an actual relationship weekend fun time. Hope it happens for you that way. 1
Author LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 I'm not convinced he only wants causal but a request for time away together . . . this weekend i.e. Christmas . .. I am not sure what to make of that. If you are both not Christian forgive my myopia & disregard this part of the comment. Early sex doesn't always mean ONS only but sex before an agreement to be exclusive at least implies casual. We will not be going for Christmas, we will be back home on the 23rd.
Author LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 (edited) I also think it's him just wanting to show off this place.. He puts a lot of work into it and talks about it often. Seems very proud of it, so part of this could be he just wants to share it with me/impress me... Something along those lines. Normally a person who wants to be casual won't go through that much trouble... No need to drive out of town if you just want a bed buddy. Heck, he could just come to my place for that... Haha And again not at all worried about him being a weirdo... He has a teenage daughter that he is pretty close with and protective about. That is usually a strong sign of a good man. I'm starting to feel more optimistic that he is really in this and maybe much sooner than I'd expect, but I think maybe his attitude is why beat around the bush and waste time with guessing games... And just go for it. In that case I like him even more. Edited December 21, 2017 by LilySun
Jdoublenn Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 I had sex with my bf on our third date. Not to be calloused, but I was eager to know how the sex was going to be before we kept it going.. He called in sick to work the next day and stayed at my place.. safe to say it was amazing. Everyones different, keep in mind. Just because a guy wants to rush you home doesn't necessarily mean he ONLY wants a ONS. Especially if he says 'weekend', not just 'come over for a couple hours...' 2
Cullenbohannon Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 (edited) I hate to do this to the guy, but if.you think you want more of a relationship, do not have sex with him on this date. His intentions may be fine, but it is highly unlikely that 1 of you will sleep on the couch. Not only will he have to control himself, but you will also. For men, does giving it up early on ruin a relationship? 50% of the time yes and 50% no. Now, if you really like her, waiting a little bit may be frustrating, but it is almost always worth it. The best way to handle this is to let him know early on you are attracted to him and very interested, but you have been thinking about it and can we please wait for a bit. If you still have a great time and he ask you out after you return, then that is your answer. I didn't know it at the time, but my Fiancee stalked me for a year, with the help of my best female freind.. Our first date lasted a 3 day weekend. Friends house, then my house, then her house. Did i want to do her? Hell yes. Was it a option? No. I knew it was going to happen eventually, so the wait was fine. Oh and in case your man read a this. Sorry for the cockblock bro. Edited December 21, 2017 by Cullenbohannon 1
Jdoublenn Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 I hate to do this to the guy, but if.you think you want more of a relationship, do not have sex with him on this date.. I agree. Even with my previous comment, its always good to make them wait a little. Give him a little bit to chase
Cullenbohannon Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 (edited) .duplicate...... Edited December 21, 2017 by Cullenbohannon
Author LilySun Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 I can't judge him if he's in a hurry to get some... Because I am too I have been without for a quite a long time. I personally don't have the patience anymore to go through all the said proper dating processes, I never get anywhere when I try it that way. Maybe he is just feeling the same way. Dating in your 40s is just very hard and frustrating. So just because he might be in a hurry doesn't mean he wants a ONS.. However it could still end up as that, if say it just doesn't go too well for some reason. Point being, I am in a hurry myself but I also still want a relationship. My next step is just a matter of asking him if he is on the same page. However at a time in my life when it seemed I could have any guy I wanted... Then yes, I probably would have been against this and had no understanding about it. But things are much different in your 40's vs. 20s or even 30s.
Jdoublenn Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 If you feel comfortable go for it! No one here knows the guy and can positively tell you his intentions... Just go with what feels right.
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