Pacman Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 I have been dating a girl for 2 months. We were good friends prior. We've been dating behind her parents back She comes from a very religious family who will not accept outsiders. We talked about it and although she likes me, she said she doesn't want to against her parents wishes, as she is very close to her parents and loves them dearly. She is very confused on what to do. Her parents are already setting her up with arrange marriages. She started pushing me away because she said there is no future, but then immediately she says she doesn't want to because I make her very happy. I don't know what to do. I told her lets just take things day by day and she said I can be married in a month with these arrange marriages, and there is nothing she can do. Do I just let her go? Am I being selfish? WTF
Nilfiry Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 I actually recommend you let her go. Even if you tried to convince her otherwise, you will inevitably run into conflict with her family, and then they are bound to do something drastic to keep you away. When it comes to religious parents, you will have ZERO chance convincing them otherwise unless you do something drastic like eloping; however, regardless of the action, you would almost certainly end up isolating her from her family. Basically, it is a headache waiting to happen. Better let it go before things get too deep and attached. Of course, if I were in your shoes, I would snatch her away without a second thought if the feelings ran deep enough. Do not take this as an advice though. I am certain we have vastly different moral views. 2
Lobouspo Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 When there is a genuine connection between two people with potential, I would usually discourage any breakup because of external factors, even family, but if she comes from a significantly different cultural construct, especially after only two months, the hassle and disappointment you may face will probably not be worth it. Billions of others on planet earth, look for someone you may be more compatible with 1
mortensorchid Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 I don't know exactly how either one of you feels either at this moment, at any moment in the past, or perhaps the immediate future, but this is a rough situation to be in. How do you do this when your family does not approve of that person? The parents do not like this and have set the plan for her arranged marriage. She says she feels for you now, but will she feel the same when she has to endure the pressures and demands and strain from her family? Will you? I say the best thing to do is to move on. The situation is a mess and stressful for all parties. 1
Author Pacman Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 Hi all Thank you for the advice. I was afraid I had to let her go. I was thinking about talking to her dad. Sort of like a last hail mary attempt
ExpatInItaly Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 Unless she is willing to go against her parents - and soon - there isn't a future here. You're not being selfish for wanting her, no. But you're up against almost impossible circumstances. 3
act00 Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 Long term, I don't see it working out. This would require her abandoning or being shunned from her family, I'm sure, and that's a huge decision. Especially huge when you've only been seeing her for two months. I don't know what she'll ultimately do, but this decision should be made independently, if she was going to go against them. You could ultimately lead to a lot of resentment in her for "making her" make such choices. Religiously, you have no way of knowing she's going to want to stay with this belief or revert back to is, expect you to comply and expect to raise her children the same way, and with religious pressures, might be pressured to abandon a marriage for a more "worthy" man, etc. There are a lot of things stacked against you at the moment, and I think the bottom line is that she has to do this and make any decisions regarding her family on her own.
smackie9 Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 I agree the term, this won't work out. I get it, you are thinking and feeling the here and now BUT you know this is the end. Let this be a lesson ( I learned myself), you can't get anywhere with someone with strong religious/cultural ties. Not worth it.
elaine567 Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 Strong religious beliefs, no acceptance of outsiders, arranged marriage being set up... This is not the usual "Her parents don't like me" and a few chats, tea, beer, sandwiches, a shared interest in cars and sport with her Dad, a few compliments to her Mom and it is all OK -> they officially love you... This is centuries of culture, tradition, and religious practices that will not be swept aside for Pacman and his gf. 1
Gaeta Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 You have just been dating 2 months, in the grand picture it's a drop in the ocean. Let her go. She is too conflicted and going against her parents will bring her guilt and unhappiness for the rest of your life. What she needs is YOU help her put an end to this relationship.
kendahke Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 Yeah, you're going to have to let her go. She's not showing any signs of going against her parents and her further involvement with you may result in bodily harm coming to her from the male members of her family. Don't put her in that position. If she wants to leave her family, then she's going to have to behave in a way where that will be her end result and so far, she's not doing that. Unless you've got the means to free her up from her family and to support her until she's gotten herself settled somewhere in her life without her family, you should back up.
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