vix Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 Questions for dumpers Just a few questions for dumpers. If you ended a relationship & realised you'd made a mistake: How long did it take you to realise? What made you change your mind/realise? How did you go about sorting things? I ended a 4year relationship in 2003, it took me a year & a half to realise that i had to do something about it & when i knew i had to, i asked to see him, gave him a letter which explained everything & although he didn't come back at first, he did after 2months of regular but not crazy/daily contact.
queenie01 Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 Yea...i would like to know that too? And how long before the dumper realizes the grass isnt so much greener on the other side?
Art_Critic Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 Here is a twist .. The last girlfriend I dumped sept. last year I realized within days that I made a mistake I then sent her flowers about a week after that and she called me and accepted my apology. etc etc.. Then I hear nothing from her and I call her and she says.. Didn't you get my text ? I decided we are done ! She reversed it on me and made feel like an as* ... At that point I had lost the power and given it to her .. She took my balls and stomped on 'em I'll never do that again .. If I do a break I do a break ..period.. no turning back
pearlsasinger Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 My boyfriend and I just got back together after 5 months apart. He broke up with me and called back the next night saying it was a mistake. But then a few weeks later, I said no we should break up, mainly because he was moving away. After I finalized the breakup, I had major doubts and but tried to convince myself to move forward with my life. We had been in touch over the breakup on friendly terms. Eventually, we came to have some major discussions about our relationship-- it's a lot easier to critique a relationship when you're not in it -- and I think we both were starting to realize what a good thing we had. It was about 3 months later and I still missed him like hell...I realized being back together is what I really wanted. He said he really missed me too. We didn't want to rush into a decision so we decided we would just let things ride out for the time being. Two months later and after 3 weekend visits to see me, things were going really well. So I asked him if he wanted to give it another try and he said yes. While the breakup was really hard, we learned a lot about our relationship and love for each other. I'm still cautiously optimistic...I've never been in this situation and people usually say second chances don't work out. Add that to the complications of an LDR, although temporary, and I'm sure we may be in for more challenges. I'm a little scared for what the future holds but I'm also grateful to have a second chance with him...I love him with all my heart and he's definitely worth it.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 That is almost too encouraging, Pearlsasinger. I am not over my exBF and would love to have things back on track, but he never made any moves to do so since I left him a final "goodbye" voicemail. Even after reading the "he's not into you" book, I still feel alot of his excuses were valid. There hasn't been real closure, and I still want to know what the heck he was thinking by not initiating contact of any kind for two whole months after professing his undying love for me. Did I just make a redundant statement?
queenie01 Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 I wish my story was as happy as Pealsingers... Its been 4 months since my bf broke up with me and being on my own i have realized a TON... Given the chance for the 2 of us to try again would make us so much stronger than we were before. Problem is he isnt trying to get me back : ( I have done no contact, im living my life and he keeps resurfacing but really only to gain knowledge on me and then he continues with the way thngs are. Like 2 weeks ago he emailed me to ask me how ive been and if im dating anyone. Why does he care? I still love him more than anything and would love if he could realize what we had was amazing. I dont think he is dating anyone either.
Author vix Posted August 22, 2005 Author Posted August 22, 2005 As i said in the first posting he came back (march this year) & whilst things were great at the start, he walked away after 3 months (didn't feel how he should/not sure of how he felt, wanted to be on his own & couldn't forget what'd happened in the past). I was devastated when he left, didn't want to walk away & couldn't understand how he came back wanting a future (marriage & babies, etc) & then bailed so soon. However, its been close to 3 months now & whilst we haven't seen/spoken on the phone for a month (too difficult), we've started contacting on friendly terms through text. The thing is, in the past 2months he's pretty much had a breakdown with stresses/probs with work, his house, where he's living & where he is in life, etc., & it's awful. I didn't know the extext of his probs when he walked away as he didn't talk about them & now he insists that i need to know that the break-up wasn't personal, it was purely situational/timing but that doesn't make it any better as i've still lost him. I'm hoping that he'll come back one day but maybe he won't. More replies to the original post would be good
queenie01 Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 I agree with Vix, more replies would be good on how long it takes someone to come back and what time limit is too long etc...??? And does it make a difference if they are still single themselves?
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 Originally posted by vix Questions for dumpers Just a few questions for dumpers. If you ended a relationship & realised you'd made a mistake: How long did it take you to realise? About a week. What made you change your mind/realise? I felt I was being selfish. How did you go about sorting things? I ended a 4year relationship in 2003, it took me a year & a half to realise that i had to do something about it & when i knew i had to, i asked to see him, gave him a letter which explained everything & although he didn't come back at first, he did after 2months of regular but not crazy/daily contact. There was nothing to sort out. The damage is done. Move on. There are alot more fish in the sea. Why risk getting your heart broken again? You can never go back. Need any other cliches?
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