Author stockyoldfrump Posted December 20, 2017 Author Posted December 20, 2017 I read your other thread. The relationship was completely dysfunctional and your ex gf has major issues. It never would have worked, had you stayed together and built a family you would have been in for a lifetime of misery. As bad as you feel now, if you had stayed together you would feel indescribably worse. Over time you'll start to feel better. Just keep it moving forward and the rest of it will fall into place. It is a bit of a concern how hard you're taking this. You were together for less than 6 months, I know you were friends before but you seem to be taking this thing really hard. She was a really messed up individual with LOTS of issues. Don't glamorize her or the relationship, it really wasn't that good. I mean, I agree I'm taking it pretty hard. But in my own defense, I guess I'd just say I haven't had many relationships..so each one is really important to me. And I generally won't enter into one unless I already love the person, so the feelings probably exceeded the duration - at least on my end. And when I say we had been friends before, it should really be noted that we spent roughly twelve hours together every day for years. We worked together and would spend all day together, then talk for hours after work, then spend our entire nights talking to each other via text. It was actually significantly more intimate and involved than what we had once we started dating. The relationship was definitely not the best. Which I do recognize and which, in many ways, is what makes it so hard for me. I don't understand how I let it get to the place where it felt as unpredictable as it did. I don't necessarily glamorize the relationship or even glamorize her as a "partner," just miss her as a person. I knew there were problems going in, but I loved her very deeply despite all her flaws and always believed I could help manage them with her. The fact that I failed in that respect is likely part of what is so hard for me. She wanted me to be someone who could make things easier for her. I couldn't be. I feel like I let her down.
Jdoublenn Posted December 20, 2017 Posted December 20, 2017 I read your other post and now i've got to add, block her on everything and move on. Yes, you love her dearly, but she's got so many issues. If you stick around you're going to end up wasting so much more time on this emotional BS. Everytime you are missing her, just remind yourself of the details you wrote in your last thread(how back and forth she was, baling all the time yet super needy) Its all very strange and you are much better off without.
HumanMachine Posted December 20, 2017 Posted December 20, 2017 If you blocked her on email when you first broke uo I guarantee you woukd’t be feeling this way right now.
Author stockyoldfrump Posted December 20, 2017 Author Posted December 20, 2017 If you blocked her on email when you first broke uo I guarantee you woukd’t be feeling this way right now. Can I ask why you feel this way? I only kept my email open on the off chance she’d have a serious problem and want to reach out, as I was her primary emotional support system and Vice versa. She did send me those few emails, but we didn’t maintain any significant degree of contact or dialogue. Even still, she’s been blocked for almost 4 months now.
Nadine123 Posted December 20, 2017 Posted December 20, 2017 i hope this helps http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/646429-watch
Beachead Posted December 20, 2017 Posted December 20, 2017 (edited) Hey OP, So I took the time to read your previous thread. Your ex had problems that were far beyond your control and she was the reason it ended. Not you. This is a case where no matter how perfect you could have been, she was always going to leave. It wasn't up to you. She had too many problems and that made you two incompatible. And good on you for rejecting friendship. She couldn't respect you in a relationship so what kind of respect could you expect to receive in a friendship? She didn't care about your thoughts, your feelings or who you were as an individual. She didn't support your goals or ambitions. She didn't care about giving you what you wanted. She only thought about herself and what she wanted. You spent all that time catering to her needs and in the end she blamed you for what she believed were flaws costing the relationship. So in the end, she didn't even appreciate all the effort, time, love, materials you invested into this. The relationship was largely one sided and had you remained in it, she would have sent you into depression. I spent my entire life getting myself mixed into one sided and crappy friendships and relationships for which i was consistently disrespected. I stayed with them and fought for them because I thought quitting and giving up was wrong. I thought it was normal to be cancelled on or to go through some of the worst moments in my life alone because they were dealing with their own problems. I saw their side. Their perspective and put them before myself..always. It never dawned on me until much later that while I had spent all this time caring for them, I had forgotten about myself. I had forgotten that I was important too. And so are you. My advice to you is firstly, realize all the great things you bring to the table. Understand your worth. And secondly, get to focusing on you and do what you want to do in your life. Not what you think you should be doing. Not what's safe. Do what you love. In this process, you will meet people who will be closer to who you are and more in line with your soul. You don't have to date. You just have to see for yourself all the unique and interesting personalities out there. And you will over time find this will remedy your pain. From this you gained valuable experience and perspective. You are now aware of people like her and relationships like this and you can begin to use that as a basis to help you identify what your soul needs. In 1 year, you'll feel differently. I have confidence in that. Goodluck to you. Edited December 20, 2017 by Beachead 3
Author stockyoldfrump Posted December 21, 2017 Author Posted December 21, 2017 Beachead - Thanks for taking the time to read the post and for your thoughtful and very helpful message. I don't know why precisely, but your way of looking at this issue is one of the most comforting things anyone has said to me either here or in person since I lost this woman. It makes sense and seems manageable. I know in my heart that all I can do is persevere and suffer day to day until the suffering isn't as overpowering anymore. I know I will always love her and wish she were in my life, but at some point that feelings will be more muted. And there's no easy fix. I just have to keep suffering until it happens. I want to say that, while I appreciate everyone's reassurances in this thread, my ex is a good, good person. She tried her hardest and loved me genuinely. She was kind and brilliant and the best moments of my life were spent with her. She did have a lot of issues and they did impact the relationship, but many of them were beyond her control and she never ever acted out of malice or vindictiveness. I was also not perfect. I tried my absolute best, but I allowed my anxiety to blind me sometimes. I tried to fix her problems with huge gestures of love rather than just being there for her. The night I mention in the original post (when she told of her trauma) was one I could have handled much better if I had been more calm and composed rather than allowing my anxiety/fear/sadness/need to fix things reduce me to minute-by-minute thinking when she needed stability and calm. I messed that up in a big way and it hurt our relationship moving forward. I have never tried harder to be what someone else needed at any other point in my life and know I would've given anything to build her up and see her happy and content, but I wasn't perfect.
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