Missing Spark

[elseano87]

So i am currently confused at the moment concerning an ongoing interaction im having with a certain amazing lady and im hoping to get advice on. The story starts two and a half years ago when i first started chatting with this lady i met via facebook. It initially started slow but eventually started picking up after the first 7 months. She lives in Belgium and i was based in the US, so i decided i would make the trip to see her in Belgium for a week or so. We hung out quite a lot and she even introducing me to her best friends who thought i was a nice guy. When i got back to the US, we stayed in contact for another couple months before things started fizzling out a bit due to busy work schedules on both sides. Fast forward a year ago, she messages me out of the blue and we then started chatting frequently again. It got to the point that we literally knew every single thing about each other and realized we had so much in common it was ridiculous. Her best friends even advised her to give me a chance as her previous relationships have all ended badly for her. She has told me multiple times that she has tried dating other people but her friends constantly told her, if he's not like me, she shouldn't bother...and she's agreed i'm way different that any guy she's tried dating. She has frequently told me due to her past relationships and the outcome of her sisters marriages, she has a very mortal fear of being with the wrong person but everything feels right between us. We continued chatting to the point everybody in her family and work even knew about me. I eventually made my way to Belgium and spent quite a lot of time with her, even introducing me to her mother along with her best friends again. She constantly told me how im different to most guys shes ever dated, how much of a catch and a perfect boyfriend i could be to the point im the first person she's ever brought home to meet her family. I do really like her and we do often joke about spending our lives together and she seemed excited about the idea. Anyway, fast forward again 3 weeks in to my Belgium visit and we go out for a very nice dinner and she drops the bombshell that i am everything she's ever dreamed of but she doesn't think we can work out because of a missing spark she was looking for. I was kinda taken off guard of course because that conversation came out of nowhere and on further discussion, the spark she was talking about was apparently the feeling of butterflies in her belly after the first few dates because it's something her mum and sister felt when they first met their significant other. The whole scenario confused me because we have been speaking literally everyday for the past year and a bit and have hung out multiple times. She's even told me on a number of occasions that she knows for a fact if we got in to a relationship, it would be her last. I respect her decision, i truly do, but i feel the decision taken is based solely on her fear of settling with the wrong person so she has kind of set barriers to protect her from that. I really don't know what to do. For some reason she still wants me to be that guy that she always speaks to daily as we've grown so fond of each other but im not sure i can do that. Do i still try and win her over? I still have feelings for her and i know for a fact she does too?

[Gaeta]

I am very sorry this has happened to you but I think you should move on and completely severe contact with her. What she is asking is cruel and selfish, she wants to continue having you in her life for emotional support but at the same time she'll continue searching for her prince charming.

 

Her butterfly theory indicates a woman with very little emotional maturity. She'll do the same to the next guy.

 

No, there is no winning her over again, once a woman has put you in her friendzone you never come out of there.

 

I know it will be a hard thing to do to cut her off but it's the best thing to do for yourself and you will be glad you did it after it's done.