Past affection make a difference?

[Bantosm]

Last week my girlfriend moved away. I had a great connection but I felt I had to take things slow as my previous thread explains: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/635917-she-included-me-but-there-s-obstacle She and I entered into the relationship towards the end of October. We discussed doing long distance relationship but thought it would be too difficult going from seeing each other a few times a week to nothing so we decided to break up.

 

I want to focus on getting back into a relationship again.There were two women who I went on a single date but had fairly good connection. One woman I held her hand for awhile and we hugged a few times. The other woman I kissed briefly. Would that affection make it easier to date them several months later or make no difference compared to someone completely new?

[act00]

I'm really not clear on your question.

 

For me, affection is very important, and it does make a difference on long-term. I don't expect to be touching and constantly joined at the hip at all times, but a touch, hand-holding, hug, squeeze, basic connection goes a really long way for me. I am a tactile person and I touch, and I like to be touched. Touched means caring and love.

 

With one girl there was hand-holding and hugging. With the other there was kissing.

 

Why not both?

 

What do YOU want?

 

You have to go with the flow and boundaries of the one you date, and as things progress, affection becomes easier, more available. You also have to consider yourself and what you want. Are you happy spending two to three months of your life pursuing someone who won't do so much as hold your hand?

 

Someone who is brand new may not exhibit the same level of affection as someone you have gone out with for a few dates or for several days, weeks, or months, so you can't really gauge someone new to someone you've been with awhile.

 

The bottom line is you both have to be on the same page when it comes to affection and kissing/making out, sex, and you have to go on a few dates first. That's what dating is for and that's it's job...get to know someone.

[Grey40]

Nothing makes anything easy with dating. Which one do you like more? If you don't know ask both of them out again, and keep going until you make up your mind. You never know what's going to happen "down the line" or "in months". Too many factors involved. With dating you have to take it day by day for a while until it gets comfortable enough to discuss the next level.

[Bantosm]

I'm really not clear on your question.

 

For me, affection is very important, and it does make a difference on long-term. I don't expect to be touching and constantly joined at the hip at all times, but a touch, hand-holding, hug, squeeze, basic connection goes a really long way for me. I am a tactile person and I touch, and I like to be touched. Touched means caring and love.

I agree with all that and the same applies with me.

With one girl there was hand-holding and hugging. With the other there was kissing.

Yes.

Why not both?

I was holding back I guess. I was already interested in the above mentioned woman and I was basically keeping my options open.

What do YOU want?

I'd like to transition back into a relationship as effortlessly as possible and focus on new one instead of dwelling on what happened with my last gf moving.

Someone who is brand new may not exhibit the same level of affection as someone you have gone out with for a few dates or for several days, weeks, or months, so you can't really gauge someone new to someone you've been with awhile.

Yeah but in both cases I only dated them once and that was a while ago. I'm not convince that minimal affection would give me any advantage over someone completely new.

[carhill]

Past performance is no guarantee of future results, especially with mating. However, bonding chemicals released during orgasm do tend to enhance emotional memories and future results, all else being equal.

[d0nnivain]

What you are asking I think is can you reach out for 2 women you met in the past but in essence rejected for the woman who has now moved away.

 

 

Of course you can reach back out but you have to realize a few things:

 

 

1. they may have new relationships

 

 

2. They may not want to see you again because they don't trust you not to hurt / reject them again in favor of someone else

 

 

3. they may not remember you

 

 

4. hand holding & some kissing doesn't guarantee you a positive reunion now.

 

 

Do reach out but have low expectations about the warmth of the reception you will receive. Keep your eyes open for completely new opportunities too

[Bantosm]

Nothing makes anything easy with dating. Which one do you like more? If you don't know ask both of them out again, and keep going until you make up your mind. You never know what's going to happen "down the line" or "in months". Too many factors involved. With dating you have to take it day by day for a while until it gets comfortable enough to discuss the next level.

I only dated them once each and didn't have the time to decide who I like better because I already interested in someone. I did think that they were both someone that I would be open to dating again. I don't even know if they are still single now. I'm just starting to get back to dating and they both came to mind. I think affection on a first date would be a benefit heading into a second date but I'm still not sure if it would make any difference after so much time has passed. I tend to think maybe holding hands might leave the biggest impression but I might be wrong and that is what I'm curious to find out here.

[Bantosm]

Past performance is no guarantee of future results, especially with mating. However, bonding chemicals released during orgasm do tend to enhance emotional memories and future results, all else being equal.

True. However, that has no bearing on the minimal affection I mentioned.

[Bantosm]

What you are asking I think is can you reach out for 2 women you met in the past but in essence rejected for the woman who has now moved away.

 

 

Of course you can reach back out but you have to realize a few things:

 

 

1. they may have new relationships

 

 

2. They may not want to see you again because they don't trust you not to hurt / reject them again in favor of someone else

 

 

3. they may not remember you

 

 

4. hand holding & some kissing doesn't guarantee you a positive reunion now.

 

 

Do reach out but have low expectations about the warmth of the reception you will receive. Keep your eyes open for completely new opportunities too

Yeah that's all true. I'm not really sure they feel I rejected them though but I understand how it might be an issue.

[elaine567]

Yeah that's all true. I'm not really sure they feel I rejected them though but I understand how it might be an issue.

 

After all that affection displayed did you ask them for a second date?

Did you continue texting for a while afterwards? Did you explain to them they were not a good match? or Did you just ghost them?

Obviously they were not going to be too bothered if they were not interested, but if you left them with a sour taste in their mouth, after what sounds like positive dates, then you are going to get a poor reaction if you now try and reconnect.

[GemmaUK]

Is it just an easy way into a relationship you're after? To replace the one which just ended?

 

I wouldn't necessarily remember date type affection too much I don't think, it's not sincere at the point of one date.

 

Actual affection for me comes from someone I love and care about.

[Bantosm]

After all that affection displayed did you ask them for a second date?

Did you continue texting for a while afterwards? Did you explain to them they were not a good match? or Did you just ghost them?

Obviously they were not going to be too bothered if they were not interested, but if you left them with a sour taste in their mouth, after what sounds like positive dates, then you are going to get a poor reaction if you now try and reconnect.

I didn't really think it was all that much affection just enough to have an ideal of compatibility. Both women had issues that prevent an outright second date. One was actively seeing several other men and I didn't have the initiative to try and compete. The other had a very busy schedule. I did keep in touch with both for awhile.

Is it just an easy way into a relationship you're after? To replace the one which just ended?

 

I wouldn't necessarily remember date type affection too much I don't think, it's not sincere at the point of one date.

 

Actual affection for me comes from someone I love and care about.

Yeah, I'd like to get back into a relationship as easy as possible not to replace my last one but start on beginning a new one. You wouldn't tend to remember date affection? That supports my guess that by this time the affection wouldn't give any benefit.

[act00]

Affection for me would be memorable. If given the choice between two past men I was interested in, with all other things being equal, I would be more drawn to the affectionate one.

 

Certainly other aspects are important. I might migrate more towards a less affectionate man who I get along with really well, like a friend (and more), while another man is less in line with me personality-wise who is very affectionate, but overall, I want that touch and it is of higher priority.

 

Of course some women find even hand holding or touch too forward on a first date, maybe even a second, let alone a kiss, and guys can be a bit reluctant to put forth any affection for that reason. A woman might avoid it because they don't want a man to believe they're open to sex right away, so it's a guessing game, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that affection would not give any benefit. It could very well be the difference between a second date or no date.