Getting over ex girlfriend

[farsiii]

okay, so.. this is my first post on here. and I’m only doing this because i’ve kind of read a couple of posts on here that relate to my situation, but none that are exact (and why would they be, everyones scenarios differ). i’ll do my best to not bore anyone to death about this and condense it as much as possible, but we’ll see where this goes, i’m just free versing.

 

i dated this girl my senior year of high school, she was a junior. prettiest girl in the whole entire school with every guy chasing after her, but i won her over because i treated her “like a normal person”. our relationship was great, perfect even, when i compare it to some of the guys my age. we were both 17 and it was simply utopia.

 

i went to college about an hour away while she was still a senior, and we stuck with our relationship that whole year because we both knew what we had was too rare and too valuable to let go. we made each other happy, our families loved each other, and we had a close mutual friend group all from our hometown that stuck together every chance we could.

 

another summer went by, and it became her freshman year in college. we had talked that summer about how it’d be hard (since her college was about 2 hours away) and distance would interfere with what we had, but we tried it anyway with both of us subtly knowing that it could possibly end, and it did. about 2 months into her freshman year semester, we broke up realistically due to 10% distance, and 90% the “what if” question

 

when i say the “what if” question, i mean her justification was we’re both 20 years old, we have so much to see, so much to learn, so much to experience without each other. how could we know that we’re perfect for each other without dating other people to solidify that decision. We both said we could spend the rest of our lives together, but at what point do we branch out and become independent for our own good? and as upset as i was, i went with it because my only objective out of all of this was to see her happy.

 

the first couple months were miserable. my first love and my first breakup was the worst mix of emotions I’ve ever had to experience. every time i saw her name, my heart dropped and i felt like ****. i didn’t eat, i didn’t sleep, and i started dropping grades in school.

 

we broke up in november, and met in total about 5 times periodically from November-May. every time i met with her it was the same result. we went to dinner, talked about both of our failed relationships/flings, and she cried because she said she just didn’t know what she wants. that she wants to be with me but can’t give me what i want.

 

so i gave up hope after our last meeting in may. i did my own thing, i forced myself to move on, and i grew so much as a person. we checked up on each other through social media and we both knew it, but both of us were too prideful to reach out to one another, until about two weeks ago (this month, December).

 

she recently reached out to me saying that she hopes everything is going well, and that we should meet for coffee when we’re both home from break (we’re from the same hometown).

 

I hesitantly agreed because I knew in my mind how this was going to go, but I still went with it. we went to dinner, and she invited me back to her house to talk to her parents (who love me and talk about me all the time, apparently) which was nice yet nostalgic because of all the memories we shared in that house.

 

long story short, i went in level headed and wanted to explain to her that i couldn’t keep doing this, i couldn’t keep being “just friends” with her, and i couldn’t be a toy she dusts off whenever she breaks up with a new guy, which was exactly was this was. her and her newest "ex boyfriend” dated for 2 months before she called it quits because she wasn’t emotionally attached to him and deemed it unfair to continue.

 

i left feeling nauseous and weak and vulnerable because again, she didn’t shut the door on a future relationship with me. its like she wants to be with me but is simultaneously pushing me away and I’m just not sure what to do anymore. its been basically over a year, and i still think about her every ****ing day. not one day has passed where she doesn’t cross my mind, and its starting to take a toll on me investing myself into other relationships.

 

i want to be with her in the future, but i know right now isn’t the time because she needs to mature and grow up before she can appreciate everything i gave to her; i know no other guy is going to sacrifice as much as i did to make it work. I’m not okay with continuously meeting her to be let down.

 

it’s getting to the point where i feel like i’ll never get over her because every girl i meet, i compare them to her and they always ALWAYS lose.

 

so please if anyone out there made it through this biblical verse of words, i just want to know:

 

how did you get over your first love

and when you did, did they ever come back?

 

 

thanks for reading guys.

[HumanMachine]

This is why you COMPLETELY remove exes! Block and delete them, there is NO other way around it!

 

If you had cut contact completely when you broke up you would’ve been over her months ago..

[PegNosePete]

so i gave up hope after our last meeting in may. i did my own thing, i forced myself to move on

And yet you haven't given up hope, haven't moved on.

 

i went in level headed and wanted to explain to her that i couldn’t keep doing this, i couldn’t keep being “just friends” with her, and i couldn’t be a toy she dusts off whenever she breaks up with a new guy

That's how you went in - very sensible. But what happened? You came out acting like her puppy dog, emotional tampon, gay best friend???

 

she didn’t shut the door on a future relationship with me. its like she wants to be with me but is simultaneously pushing me away and I’m just not sure what to do anymore

You need to shut that door yourself. She has shown exactly how she is going to treat you. It's up to you if you want to be treated like that or not. The only way you can stop being treated like that is to say NO you can't treat me like that. And the best way of saying NO is to say nothing at all.