primer Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Did any of you women ever use a man for sex? I am just wondering. It seems like it is always men using women for sex.
Grey40 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Did any of you women ever use a man for sex? I am just wondering. It seems like it is always men using women for sex. I’ve met many women who have used me for sex, and they specifically admitted it and told me to my face. Luckily for me, I was on the same page and agreed that I didn’t want anything more than just a physical thing. So yeah. They do. 1
carhill Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 I think it goes on, and often in the same vein as men 'using' women, in that people like the pleasures of sex and want that without any other human involvement and, hey, if a willing human comes along, why not? It was never a problem for me, though a few tried, since I've always confined sex to relationships or marriage. I did respect their choices. It just wasn't, and still isn't, my cuppa. My exW taught me a lot about the casual sex mindset. It was with her I came to see it as simply another sexual choice. Nothing more.
RecentChange Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 You don't usually have to "use" a man.... As in deceive or manipulate a man in order to get sex. In my experience many are very happy to have "no strings attached" sex if offered that. Have I "used" a man for sex? No. Have I had sex with men where it was very clear our relationship was sexual and nothing more? Absolutely. 7
stillafool Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Yes I am embarrassed to say I have. The sex was off the hook with one guy I dated but I didn't want anything more with him. Yet, I don't think he was being used because he wanted it to.
Sara1989 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Um no, I think used is when you lead the person to believe you want an relationship to get sex then ghost them afterwards...I never done that. 1
Author primer Posted December 18, 2017 Author Posted December 18, 2017 I used a guy. He is my ex that had GIGS. He came crawling back, crying and I used him for sex. Why not? He didn't seem to care about my feelings prior to that. Aren't I cold and callous?
todreaminblue Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 No I havent used men for sex nor would i want to even if i am longing to have sex...... it goes against what i really want in my life..which is marriage first.. so no matter how much i want to be close to a man and be with him....i wont.....lol....as by my writing ....you can tell sex to me is more than sex its a bond and its emotional....deb 1
basil67 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 I'm still a bit hazy on this being "used for sex" business. Can we agree on a definition? 2
Author primer Posted December 18, 2017 Author Posted December 18, 2017 I'm still a bit hazy on this being "used for sex" business. Can we agree on a definition? In my OP, I mean having sex with someone with no intention of pursuing a relationship.
RecentChange Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 In my OP, I mean having sex with someone with no intention of pursuing a relationship. Sure. Ever hear of FWB? Men and women have sex outside of committed relationships all the time. And many times the women are on board with that. 1
kendahke Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Did any of you women ever use a man for sex? I am just wondering. It seems like it is always men using women for sex. No, but not because they clutched the pearls and recoiled in horror. I just never use people like that because I know how it feels to allow oneself to be used, thinking I was machining an outcome to my advantage.
mortensorchid Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 I did, years ago. It was a turning point moment for me. Maybe the circumstances were not the same as other women who say that they have. It was a lost weekend with this guy I met in a rock club - I traveled to be with him. The sex itself? I wouldn't say the earth moved, but it was a turning point moment for me because afterward I turned cold on him and hung him out to dry. He was one of those pretentious art snobs who was so in love with the sound of his own voice, also thought I was an 18 year old when we met, plus he later said he lied to me about his age when we met. The happiness I had as he kept calling me for weeks afterward was sadistic on my part. Months later, I bump into him at the same place we met. He asked me if I attended a certain university in my city. I said to him "You know damned well I don't go to that university and you know damned well who I am. Why didn't you just come up and say hello to me?" He said he thought we had something. I said "Yeah, you and ever other loser in this dump." BURN. Ha ha ha ... So yes, I have as well. It's what it is, it aided in my growing pains. When women are able to do this it's a moment, as it was for me. This same guy boasted to me that women were never the same after they were with him. ANd yes, certainly he was right. Although that's not what he intended most likely. But I say it's about time women start thinking that way, it will lead to happiness and fewer crushing blows to the ego.
kendahke Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 No, but not because they clutched the pearls and recoiled in horror. I just never use people like that because I know how it feels to allow oneself to be used, thinking I was machining an outcome to my advantage. In my OP, I mean having sex with someone with no intention of pursuing a relationship. No, even in my younger days, I was always angling for relationship, hence the lesson I eventually learned.
grays Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 I have had a lot of sex that wasn't about relationships but the only time I ever felt like I "used" a guy it was for comfort and cuddles when I was feeling down and didn't want to be alone. The concept of using someone for sex really doesn't make sense to me. If we both want to have sex then nobody has done something bad to the other. 3
Author primer Posted December 19, 2017 Author Posted December 19, 2017 I have had a lot of sex that wasn't about relationships but the only time I ever felt like I "used" a guy it was for comfort and cuddles when I was feeling down and didn't want to be alone. The concept of using someone for sex really doesn't make sense to me. If we both want to have sex then nobody has done something bad to the other. But the guy I used for sex is an ex that wants me back. He realized the grass is not greener on the other side and now he regrets everything he did. I met up with him for sex. He did not care about my feelings before. Why should I care about his? This is a turning point for me. I don't feel bad.
rightondude Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 I dunno if that's really gonna teach him a lesson. 3
Author primer Posted December 19, 2017 Author Posted December 19, 2017 I dunno if that's really gonna teach him a lesson. Then I can keep on doing what I am doing. Whatever. I just wish he didn't ask to see me every day.
Maggie4 Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 I've been accused of it. But I really didn't mean to do that.
basil67 Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 In my OP, I mean having sex with someone with no intention of pursuing a relationship. Well yes, I have had sex without intention of a relationship, but he was on the same page, so I wouldn't consider it *using*. 2
snowboy91 Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 In my OP, I mean having sex with someone with no intention of pursuing a relationship. Well yes, I have had sex without intention of a relationship, but he was on the same page, so I wouldn't consider it *using*. I feel as if the word "using" is a little loaded, and it applies to situations of slight deception. For example, a situation where someone has sex with another multiple times, but actively not trying to get into a relationship and not talking about it, but maybe saying the right things at the right time. By OP's definition, any one night stand is using someone for sex, but if it's understood by both people that it's all it is, then it's just a bit of fun. Similarly as RecentChange mentioned, a FWB situation is also technically using someone for sex (but agreed to by both). 2
grays Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 The word "using" just makes no sense to me in this context. When I have sex with a guy I adore and treat well it's because I want to use him for all sorts of things. I want to come, I want to feel close to him. I want to get to touch his body and make him feel good because I find that exciting. Of course people treat people they have sex with badly all the time. I have probably done it, though I do try to treat people well whenever I can. Maybe the idea of "using" someone implies that you're treating them badly on purpose? I have NEVER done that.
SolG Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 But the guy I used for sex is an ex that wants me back. He realized the grass is not greener on the other side and now he regrets everything he did. I met up with him for sex. He did not care about my feelings before. Why should I care about his? This is a turning point for me. I don't feel bad. I also object to the term 'use' as applied to a person you have sex with. If two (or more) people have consensual sex, noone is being used as they both agreed to it. Having sex with the expectation that it will automatically lead to something beyond mutual enjoyment in these circumstances is not using a person. But rather trying to use sex as a tool to manipulate.
Author primer Posted December 19, 2017 Author Posted December 19, 2017 I am sorry I utilized the word "use" in my OP. Is there any way I can change it? I meant: Did you ever have sex with a man for your own benefit? Did you ever have sex with a man that knowingly wants to pursue a relationship and you do not want to pursue a relationship? 3
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