PegNosePete Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 I've tried to show this in my OLD profile but it's hard to find full length photographs. Yeah they don't grow on trees do they? Look, everyone HATES their date turning up and looking nothing like their photos. It is number 1 most hated thing on dating sites. Many people make the most absurd excuses for not having photos. I don't like having my pic taken, I'm usually behind the lens, I don't like smiling, my camera is broken, I don't have any... bla bla. As if those issues are dead-end unsolvable problems. There is a simple solution: get some good photos. If you put your mind to it, it's really not that hard. Get dressed nicely, go to your local park and ask the first stranger you see to take your pic. If you're embarrassed then say it's to send to your mum or something. Nobody EVER refuses a polite request like that. Ask them to snap off 3 or 4 so you can choose the best one. Repeat with the next stranger. Go home, get changed go to a new location and repeat. Pretty soon you'll have a good selection of photos. I KNOW guys on the whole don't like bigger women. I wouldn't necessarily say that's true. But even if it is, the solution is quite simple. You find one of the men who does like bigger women. There are plenty around. If you're honest and up-front about it (including pics) then anyone who agrees to meet you will be one of the guys who do like bigger women. The ones looking for a skinny will not bother agreeing to meet, so it won't be a problem. I'm not looking for a relationship but equally am not up to rejection, due to my size, yet. I'm still vulnerable due to being dumped (11 year relationship). Err. So what are you looking for exactly...? Hookups? If you're vulnerable then to be honest I'd avoid all dating until you've recovered. You will always face rejection of one sort or another when dating. Very few people meet Mr Right first time. 3
some_username1 Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 Yeah they don't grow on trees do they? Look, everyone HATES their date turning up and looking nothing like their photos. It is number 1 most hated thing on dating sites. Many people make the most absurd excuses for not having photos. I don't like having my pic taken, I'm usually behind the lens, I don't like smiling, my camera is broken, I don't have any... bla bla. As if those issues are dead-end unsolvable problems. There is a simple solution: get some good photos. If you put your mind to it, it's really not that hard. Get dressed nicely, go to your local park and ask the first stranger you see to take your pic. If you're embarrassed then say it's to send to your mum or something. Nobody EVER refuses a polite request like that. Ask them to snap off 3 or 4 so you can choose the best one. Repeat with the next stranger. Go home, get changed go to a new location and repeat. Pretty soon you'll have a good selection of photos. I wouldn't necessarily say that's true. But even if it is, the solution is quite simple. You find one of the men who does like bigger women. There are plenty around. If you're honest and up-front about it (including pics) then anyone who agrees to meet you will be one of the guys who do like bigger women. The ones looking for a skinny will not bother agreeing to meet, so it won't be a problem. Err. So what are you looking for exactly...? Hookups? If you're vulnerable then to be honest I'd avoid all dating until you've recovered. You will always face rejection of one sort or another when dating. Very few people meet Mr Right first time. Ha ha, totally I find it quite cute in a way, the rationalising women come up with: "God,full length photos are sooo hard to find!" Like it's flying to the moon or something. Imagine if a guy said that, he wouldn't be getting any dates because he would be considered the biggest wet blanket ever! OP would you not be a bit wary of a guy who was hiding his frame in his pics? Or would that not bother you? Just be who you are and don't hide it because any chance of them looking past your size will be lost in resentment of you trying to hide it in the first place. I speak from experience on that front and it makes for a very awkward date!
BluEyeL Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 Now I'm curious what types of exercises you did together to get those injuries? We went ziplining and there were obstacles, it was a 3h course. There were some kind of dangling steps at one point, you had to walk across some sort of bridge made of "swings" where wodden planks were hanging from some rope and one of those wooden swings hit my leg and I have a scar to this day . It was painful lol And the knee was from skiing, I fell and the ski didn't fly out of my foot and my leg was twisted outwards, so the interior side of my knee hurt for a long time and now I just "feel" it
JuneL Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 Oh sorry, I hope you saw a doctor for your knee injury. To be fair, though, those two activities are relatively common among the general population. It doesn't take someone particularly into fitness or sports to do either! We went ziplining and there were obstacles, it was a 3h course. There were some kind of dangling steps at one point, you had to walk across some sort of bridge made of "swings" where wodden planks were hanging from some rope and one of those wooden swings hit my leg and I have a scar to this day . It was painful lol And the knee was from skiing, I fell and the ski didn't fly out of my foot and my leg was twisted outwards, so the interior side of my knee hurt for a long time and now I just "feel" it 1
No_Go Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 Totally true: if you post realistic pictures you attract people that are attracted to you. If you enhance the pictures, hide any features that you dislike - guys will feel misled and even if they'll brush it off otherwise - they'll probably not move forward because of the dishonesty. At least that's how I feel about guys lying about their height: I can brush off a couple of inches under my desired height, but someone claiming they are 5'10 and visibly being shorter than me at 5'7 - c'mon. It was not a slip of the meter, it was an intentional lie. On a side not @BluEyeL - how did you like "It's just lunch"? I admit I've been curious to try it, but it seems pricey. Is it worth it? OP, like others said, post extremely realistic pictures online. Do it today, don't wait! I don't know how big you are, when I was dating, I was size 12 US, so not skinny, not very big, but overweight nevertheless. I put multiple pictures that showed me the way I am. Yeah, the six pack guys didn't message me, but guys who did, liked me just the way I was and I didn't have to see their face fall when I walked in. I did see their face fall a couple of times when I did "It's just lunch", because they don't share pictures there, it's truly blind dating. It's not a good feeling. I was what the forking fork dude, I'm not that fat and who do you think you are, do you even own a mirror ?lol But truth be told, men have types and I wasn't their type. Not that they were mine, but I am not as judgemental about looks to start with. So don't have that experience. Post the pictures that show you just the way you are. It's better, believe me. 2
JuneL Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 Perhaps the worst thing about your scar and injury is that you'll be reminded of him for years We went ziplining and there were obstacles, it was a 3h course. There were some kind of dangling steps at one point, you had to walk across some sort of bridge made of "swings" where wodden planks were hanging from some rope and one of those wooden swings hit my leg and I have a scar to this day . It was painful lol And the knee was from skiing, I fell and the ski didn't fly out of my foot and my leg was twisted outwards, so the interior side of my knee hurt for a long time and now I just "feel" it
BluEyeL Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 (edited) Oh sorry, I hope you saw a doctor for your knee injury. To be fair, though, those two activities are relatively common among the general population. It doesn't take someone particularly into fitness or sports to do either! That's true. i did those without him too, but I got injured when i was with him only lol Anyway, almost all dates with him were active, and I'm not too active myself, so I felt kinda worn out Edited December 19, 2017 by BluEyeL
JuneL Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 Sounds like he's just looking for an activity partner That's true. i did those without him too, but I got injured when i was with him only lol Anyway, almost all dates with him were active, and I'm not too active myself, so I felt kinda worn out 1
JuneL Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 OP, sorry for the above digression. I was looking at some pictures of plus size models the other day. They're quite heavy and overweight for sure, but some of them also looked quite nice. I notice that they all have a relatively toned body that is in proportion. So the moral is: You can still be in shape while being (very) overweight. The worst is to have the extra loose weight all concentrated in the middle part of your body. 2
carhill Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 I've got a couple of full length photos on there but they don't exactly show my body so... How did that work out? Given your situation, you have the skills since you were in a 11 year LTR, which is longer than some marriages, so it's simply a matter of attracting a compatible man. I'll echo being straightforward about who you are, both in the relationship arena and physically and leave the rest to compatibility and attraction. Here's a tidbit I learned from accepting, being attracted to and marrying a plus-size gal, imagine Valerie Bertinelli when she was heavy, and it was two-fold. One, she always put her best foot forward, perhaps natural since she worked in the image industry. She couldn't really hide her weight so didn't try to and kept up with the latest styles and fashions and always strove to look her best. Two, she liked men and never had any problem attracting men. I think, in retrospect, I was her 'experiment' since she'd always married skinny guys. I met her 2nd husband and he was like 6'2" and 170 or thereabouts and saw pictures of her 1st H. The guy she's with now whom she was living with while we were getting divorced (see, how fast!) whom I've also met is a wiry little guy like my dad was. Comparatively, I was the big, bruising Russian guy. Personally, I don't think I challenged her enough to be slender and fit. Perhaps the more fashionably slim guys do. So, watch out for that if you need that kind of challenge. Don't get with a guy who's easy-going about your weight. That's my .02 as an old guy who dated all sizes and married a lady who was overweight when I met her and pretty much stayed the same for the entirety of our M, about the same time as your past LTR. Good luck with dating!
No_Go Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 Yes - the common denominator of the plus sized models is that they have hourglass shape. The sad truth is though that this is largely genetic - you can change the weight but hardly the shape. Still, with appropriate clothing hourglass figure can be mimicked in both extremes (under- and over-weight)... So it is not a lost battle OP, sorry for the above digression. I was looking at some pictures of plus size models the other day. They're quite heavy and overweight for sure, but some of them also looked quite nice. I notice that they all have a relatively toned body that is in proportion. So the moral is: You can still be in shape while being (very) overweight. The worst is to have the extra loose weight all concentrated in the middle part of your body. 1
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 What you wear well should be confidence. I had a friend who was plus size. The way she dressed and carried herself, guys were clamoring to meet her everywhere we went. She didn't need a dating site to men that's for sure. So Attitude is KEY. I think her most striking feature was her beautiful long dark brown hair and her big smile. She got way more attention than this skinny ass girl ever did.
Quagmire243 Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 I don't have any advice for OP other than what others have said, but I do wonder why we never have any questions/threads from men with a similar issue? Men are just supposed to deal with rejection and body image. 1
Author heartbrokenlady Posted December 19, 2017 Author Posted December 19, 2017 Basically, I just went through the Facebook photographs posted by other people and picked full length pics. A lot weren't suitable because they had my ex in them. I'm not expecting a relationship. NOT hookups. Just to get used to dating again. It's been an awfully long time. I'm v ambivalent about it all. I let the guy know I'm not slim. But I'm still not 100% sure I'll go either.
elaine567 Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 I don't have any advice for OP other than what others have said, but I do wonder why we never have any questions/threads from men with a similar issue? I don't know why either as plenty guys are willing to bear their soul over being short or bald or being socially inadequate or generally unattractive to women, but never it seems about being "plus size". I suppose there would be wall to wall suggestions to "go to the gym and work out" from other guys, so maybe no point. 1
browzer Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 Take more honest pictures, and tell any potential dating partners upfront that you are a large woman. It really is that simple. 1
edgygirl Posted December 20, 2017 Posted December 20, 2017 I'm thin size 0-2 and I LOVE me a chubby man. There are people for all shapes and sizes! I also been quite overweight for a few years, and still got married to a super good looking intelligent tall man. When we broke up I was fat and got rejected once. It was one of the most horrible feeling I ever had in my life. I learned to always disclose EXACTLY what shape I was in in pictures... this way you get the right person who values your looks. Sometimes I get men now telling me they prefer chubby women and I am too thin lol. Go find a man who appreciates YOU! Good luck!
BlueIvy Posted December 20, 2017 Posted December 20, 2017 I'm on an infamous OLD site, following being dumped a few months ago. I've been asked out by a guy, and I'm tempted to go. I think dating would help me move on a bit from my ex, because I haven't at all. My query is, I'm a big girl. I've tried to show this in my OLD profile but it's hard to find full length photographs. I KNOW guys on the whole don't like bigger women. What do I do about this date? I'm not looking for a relationship but equally am not up to rejection, due to my size, yet. I'm still vulnerable due to being dumped (11 year relationship). How big are you? Like super big or plus size big like Ashley Graham, thick but still have a shape? If the latter, many men won't have an issue since you aren't sloppy. Especially, if you date Black/Latino/Arab men who don't mind more cushion. If you are sloppy big, it might mean more of a challenge but there are men who are into that aesthetic. Not every guy likes skinny or athletic women. Most women are 6 feet tall and a size 4, most women in America are short and overweight and plenty are in loving relationships. On most sites, you can list your body type. So, you can put it out there what you look like. Also, you can have a friend take full length photos. If you are that insecure though, probably best to hold off from dating. Men can sense insecurity and wolves will use that to exploit you.
Author heartbrokenlady Posted December 20, 2017 Author Posted December 20, 2017 How big are you? Like super big or plus size big like Ashley Graham, thick but still have a shape? If the latter, many men won't have an issue since you aren't sloppy. Especially, if you date Black/Latino/Arab men who don't mind more cushion. If you are sloppy big, it might mean more of a challenge but there are men who are into that aesthetic. Not every guy likes skinny or athletic women. Most women are 6 feet tall and a size 4, most women in America are short and overweight and plenty are in loving relationships. On most sites, you can list your body type. So, you can put it out there what you look like. Also, you can have a friend take full length photos. If you are that insecure though, probably best to hold off from dating. Men can sense insecurity and wolves will use that to exploit you. 3 things. 1 I don't look like Ashley Graham. I'm bigger with a different shape, resulting from cancer treatment. 2 Sloppy is an offensive word. Best to stick to technical terms if you don't intend to be rude. Obese, grossly obese, morbidly obese. 3 True, about the insecurity thing.
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