Boyfriend discarded me so callously. Hurt

[basil67]

Because he was online and read my texts. Was posting on social media but literally was just ignoring me. I don't think what I said was aggressive. He would not reply to any of my texts. I said if he doesn't reply I'll assume it's his way of breaking up with me which anyone would think? He was texting me everyday before this. And no I don't know what his delay was because I asked him and he ignored that too. But he was online the whole day.

 

There were two unanswered texts. So it must be the second text you sent was the one asking what the delay was. To send a text asking "why the delay?" after just one missed text is needy, demanding and slightly aggressive on your part. Did you ask if he was OK?

 

Two bad days and two unanswered texts after a great 8 month relationship does not warrant texts about breakups. What it does warrant is reaching out by phone or in person to check in. And by check in, I refer to asking questions with concern about their welfare. Not getting cranky about a missed text or two.

 

As I said in my original post, I think there are two sides to this story.

[Minniemouse11]

There were two unanswered texts. So it must be the second text you sent was the one asking what the delay was. To send a text asking "why the delay?" after just one missed text is needy, demanding and slightly aggressive on your part. Did you ask if he was OK?

 

Two bad days and two unanswered texts after a great 8 month relationship does not warrant texts about breakups. What it does warrant is reaching out by phone or in person to check in. And by check in, I refer to asking questions with concern about their welfare. Not getting cranky about a missed text or two.

 

As I said in my original post, I think there are two sides to this story.

 

It was the day after when it was clear he was actually ignoring me and was okay. I literally said in one text you're hurting me by ignoring me when I don't know what's going on and he STILL read that, ignored it and continued posting online. If he wanted space from me he could have let me know that. He chose to not tell me what was wrong. I don't like being given the silent treatment I like talking things out.

[basil67]

It was the day after when it was clear he was actually ignoring me and was okay. I literally said in one text you're hurting me by ignoring me when I don't know what's going on and he STILL read that, ignored it and continued posting online. If he wanted space from me he could have let me know that. He chose to not tell me what was wrong. I don't like being given the silent treatment I like talking things out.

 

No, I don't like being given the silent treatment either. And yes, it's kind of thing which needs to be sorted out for the future if the relationship is to succeed.

 

But I maintain that your breakup text was the beginning of the end.

[Minniemouse11]

No, I don't like being given the silent treatment either. And yes, it's kind of thing which needs to be sorted out for the future if the relationship is to succeed.

 

But I maintain that your breakup text was the beginning of the end.

 

I didn't want to break up with him. I was extremely hurt by all this. I said I'll assume you're breaking up with me not that I want to break up! If he didn't want to break up he wouldn't have said "we are finished" just like that like it was nothing. He didn't seem to care. I didn't know what else to say to get him to stop ignoring me when I felt this was his way of breaking up with me. I miss him already and really want to just text him but I don't think he would even reply. He doesn't seem to be missing me. It's hard because we were supposed to spend Christmas together. Do you think he will ever contact me? Cause I feel like he won't.

Edited December 18, 2017 by Minniemouse11

[basil67]

I didn't want to break up with him. I was extremely hurt by all this. I said I'll assume you're breaking up with me not that I want to break up! If he didn't want to break up he wouldn't have said "we are finished" just like that like it was nothing. He didn't seem to care. I didn't know what else to say to get him to stop ignoring me when I felt this was his way of breaking up with me. I miss him already and really want to just text him but I don't think he would even reply. He doesn't seem to be missing me. It's hard because we were supposed to spend Christmas together. Do you think he will ever contact me? Cause I feel like he won't.

 

I know how frustrating hurtful it is when someone goes off the radar. And if it's a frequent occurrence with no explanation, it's completely unacceptable. Make no mistake, I do feel for you in this situation. But honestly, it's the only time it's happened and had been for only two days. It was far too early to invoke the word 'breakup'. It seems such a rash thing to text after an apparently wonderful 8 months.

 

Using the B word should come only after ALL OTHER AVENUES to fix a problem have been tried. And this includes giving him a bit more time to get sorted out and then discussing the situation and how it affected you afterwards.

 

Whether or not he will return could depend on his experiences of the previous 8 months. Did he ever express concerns about issues in the relationship? Was it all smooth sailing or were there ups and downs?

[Minniemouse11]

I know how frustrating hurtful it is when someone goes off the radar. And if it's a frequent occurrence with no explanation, it's completely unacceptable. Make no mistake, I do feel for you in this situation. But honestly, it's the only time it's happened and had been for only two days. It was far too early to invoke the word 'breakup'. It seems such a rash thing to text after an apparently wonderful 8 months.

 

Using the B word should come only after ALL OTHER AVENUES to fix a problem have been tried. And this includes giving him a bit more time to get sorted out and then discussing the situation and how it affected you afterwards.

 

Whether or not he will return could depend on his experiences of the previous 8 months. Did he ever express concerns about issues in the relationship? Was it all smooth sailing or were there ups and downs?

 

Thats the thing though, I previously said I hate being ignored because a few months before this he had a habit of ignoring me when he felt like it or if he was annoyed with me. Nothing could get him to stop ignoring me except when he felt like it. I asked him not to ignore me before and if he had a problem to talk about it with me. Guess he never listened. That's why it was very touchy for him to ignore me. He was going good for about 2 months with texting me and not ignoring me.

 

Well the relationship wasn't always smooth sailing but we both loved each other or so I thought. He only told me he loved me last week so the relationship can't of been that bad? I don't know

[Jdoublenn]

Ok so I'm gonna come in here and half agree with the poster acting as devil's advocate but first....

 

WHAT A POS BASTARD. Seriously, no matter WHAT happened on his end, you are wayyyy better off without him.

 

Ok so I agree its a little quick to assume he wants to breakup after only a couple ignored messages, however the fact that (i think you said) they were days apart is really weird. And then you said he took another few days before finally actually said 'its over'... which means it was a week of him ignoring you to actually say the words? Pathetic.

 

Now if thats wrong and it was a couple ignored messages the same day that you threaten he's suggesting BU and then he ignores that too, maybe he was just put off by the assumption, and then took a few days to get his sh*t together and end it.. in that case, it would be because he didn't actually WANT to end it but felt forced into it when you pushed the subject after 2 ignored messages. However, even in this case he's still pathetic and didn't care enough to fight for you or even explain why he didn't reply.

[Minniemouse11]

Ok so I'm gonna come in here and half agree with the poster acting as devil's advocate but first....

 

WHAT A POS BASTARD. Seriously, no matter WHAT happened on his end, you are wayyyy better off without him.

 

Ok so I agree its a little quick to assume he wants to breakup after only a couple ignored messages, however the fact that (i think you said) they were days apart is really weird. And then you said he took another few days before finally actually said 'its over'... which means it was a week of him ignoring you to actually say the words? Pathetic.

 

Now if thats wrong and it was a couple ignored messages the same day that you threaten he's suggesting BU and then he ignores that too, maybe he was just put off by the assumption, and then took a few days to get his sh*t together and end it.. in that case, it would be because he didn't actually WANT to end it but felt forced into it when you pushed the subject after 2 ignored messages. However, even in this case he's still pathetic and didn't care enough to fight for you or even explain why he didn't reply.

 

 

It was a few days of him ignoring me, not a week. He sent the "we are finished" text a few hours after I sent my final text assuming we were broken up. I didn't assume that right away only until it was apparent he was ignoring me. He never explained to this day why he didn't reply so it's my guess he was actually ignoring me. It just seems like to me, maybe I'm wrong that he did want to break up because he was so cold in his texts to me!

[Minniemouse11]

Ok so I'm gonna come in here and half agree with the poster acting as devil's advocate but first....

 

WHAT A POS BASTARD. Seriously, no matter WHAT happened on his end, you are wayyyy better off without him.

 

Ok so I agree its a little quick to assume he wants to breakup after only a couple ignored messages, however the fact that (i think you said) they were days apart is really weird. And then you said he took another few days before finally actually said 'its over'... which means it was a week of him ignoring you to actually say the words? Pathetic.

 

Now if thats wrong and it was a couple ignored messages the same day that you threaten he's suggesting BU and then he ignores that too, maybe he was just put off by the assumption, and then took a few days to get his sh*t together and end it.. in that case, it would be because he didn't actually WANT to end it but felt forced into it when you pushed the subject after 2 ignored messages. However, even in this case he's still pathetic and didn't care enough to fight for you or even explain why he didn't reply.

 

I would hold my hands up to my part in this, maybe I was too quick but it was a gut feeling and he kind of proved me right up until now. At this stage I just miss him, I do still have feelings for him I can't just turn them off like he seems to have done. It just feels like there's so much hate between us now. I'm kind of worried he will never contact me again and that will be that. But it seems so cold, I don't think I would be able to do that if I was him but I'm not him..

[Jdoublenn]

I would hold my hands up to my part in this, maybe I was too quick but it was a gut feeling and he kind of proved me right up until now. At this stage I just miss him, I do still have feelings for him I can't just turn them off like he seems to have done. It just feels like there's so much hate between us now. I'm kind of worried he will never contact me again and that will be that. But it seems so cold, I don't think I would be able to do that if I was him but I'm not him..

 

I, along with others, am willing to bet he comes back around at some point. But don't make the mistake I made and let him back in.. For it'll only end up the same way again when he decides to run off again and ghosts you. I went back and forth with a guy, embarrassingly, with him ghosting 3x before I was finally OVER him completely. What a waste of time!

 

I know its so hard missing someone, especially when you don't get any sort of closure.. but at this point maybe the disgust you feel towards the way he ended it will help you move on faster? You miss the man he pretended to be, but the way he ghosted you came out of nowhere so now you see this is the real him. And gross, why would you want anything to do with a guy who can act so coldly.

[Minniemouse11]

I, along with others, am willing to bet he comes back around at some point. But don't make the mistake I made and let him back in.. For it'll only end up the same way again when he decides to run off again and ghosts you. I went back and forth with a guy, embarrassingly, with him ghosting 3x before I was finally OVER him completely. What a waste of time!

 

I know its so hard missing someone, especially when you don't get any sort of closure.. but at this point maybe the disgust you feel towards the way he ended it will help you move on faster? You miss the man he pretended to be, but the way he ghosted you came out of nowhere so now you see this is the real him. And gross, why would you want anything to do with a guy who can act so coldly.

 

I'm on the way to getting over him. I've stayed no contact since he dumped me. I haven't unblocked him once and I don't plan on texting him first. It's just weird seeing him not even aknowledging me when he sees me. He seems fine without me apart from being uncomfortable looking at me. I genuinely think he hates me!

[Jdoublenn]

I'm on the way to getting over him. I've stayed no contact since he dumped me. I haven't unblocked him once and I don't plan on texting him first. It's just weird seeing him not even aknowledging me when he sees me. He seems fine without me apart from being uncomfortable looking at me. I genuinely think he hates me!

Thats awesome! You're being strong so far, just keep in mind you're only 4 days in... Hopefully you can keep this mentality as weeks and months roll by as well. But keep posting in LS. We're all here for ya.

[CantTakeMySmile]

What he did was a lame move! No denying. Question is “ are you going to take him back”? Because he may be. What is your decision on that?

 

You seem more concerned that he hates you than anything. If he does hate you, That’s on him..not you!!!

 

I can’t imagine how you can avoid him. I think it would make you feel better.

[Minniemouse11]

What he did was a lame move! No denying. Question is “ are you going to take him back”? Because he may be. What is your decision on that?

 

You seem more concerned that he hates you than anything. If he does hate you, That’s on him..not you!!!

 

I can’t imagine how you can avoid him. I think it would make you feel better.

 

I honestly don't think I would take him back after that. I suppose it would hurt more knowing he never bothered to text me ever again. I would feel better if I got some form of contact off him, but I don't think I will. To me it just makes me feel our whole relationship was insignificant if he can never look back! I'm used to exes wanting to be friends and stay in contact with me, I'm still good friends with all of them to this day. I'm not used to being hated and avoided by an ex!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I honestly don't think I would take him back after that. I suppose it would hurt more knowing he never bothered to text me ever again. I would feel better if I got some form of contact off him, but I don't think I will. To me it just makes me feel our whole relationship was insignificant if he can never look back! I'm used to exes wanting to be friends and stay in contact with me, I'm still good friends with all of them to this day. I'm not used to being hated and avoided by an ex!

 

Yeah, it sucks when it feels like someone really dislikes you. But as long as you know you did nothing to deserve it, you will get over it.

 

I'm not even one percent convinced, however, that when he comes crawling back to him you're going to say no. You're too concerned with the fact that you could possibly be disliked/hated.

[Ieris]

I genuinely think he hates me!

 

I just wonder what you did to make him hate you... I mean people lose interest but to jump from love to hate...? There seems to be some missing pieces...

[Minniemouse11]

I just wonder what you did to make him hate you... I mean people lose interest but to jump from love to hate...? There seems to be some missing pieces...

 

I didn't do anything. After he dumped me by text I told him I deserve way better than this and can do better than someone treating me like this. I just said he's not a nice person to dump me so callously. Then I blocked him and he blocked me after I did and that was it! I haven't spoken to him since so that seems to be why he hates me but he dumped me so? I don't know. I never cheated on him or lied to him. I don't think I did anything drastically wrong correct me if I'm wrong though! If anything I should be the one that hates him!

[preraph]

I feel bad for you, but let me give you a little advice. When a person is treating you bad, like not returning your texts, or not showing up on time or just in general bad treatment like you don't matter -- wise up. This is why you need boundaries and rules of ethics and behavior that a person has to measure up to. If you'd had that in place in your head, you'd have been done with him as soon as he stopped answering your texts and this wouldn't have come as a shock.

 

Please sit down and write down things that you wouldn't never to if you cared about someone. And don't hang on to people who treat you worse than you treat them. Have some standards, that's all. Don't give them the benefit of the doubt or make excuses. Try to face reality that "it is what it is" and what it is is this isn't a very nice person who really cares about you. Read the early signs. Don't wait until they ghost on you. Ghost on them once they're rude and inconsiderate, that's all.

 

Now, you are done with him and well rid of him. He probably acted better in the early days because they all do but the longer you know someone is when you get to know the real person. Be glad you didn't have a kid with him or marry him before you knew what a jerk he can be. Good luck.

[ExpatInItaly]

So there was a pattern of this type of behaviour in the relationship, it seems. Him going silent and you becoming anxious over what that silence implied.

 

I get where you're coming from, OP. Nobody likes to feel ignored. But if this had happened before, I agree with preraph that it's time for you to decide where your boundaries actually are, so you don't stick around next time someone goes cold.

 

It sounds to me like he was just not ever really as invested as you were, if this was not unusual behaviour for him.

 

How old are the both of you, by the way?

[Minniemouse11]

So there was a pattern of this type of behaviour in the relationship, it seems. Him going silent and you becoming anxious over what that silence implied.

 

I get where you're coming from, OP. Nobody likes to feel ignored. But if this had happened before, I agree with preraph that it's time for you to decide where your boundaries actually are, so you don't stick around next time someone goes cold.

 

It sounds to me like he was just not ever really as invested as you were, if this was not unusual behaviour for him.

 

How old are the both of you, by the way?

 

I'm 21. He is 27. Maybe he was never invested in me. But he did spend 8 months with me. HE wanted to move in with me. It was always his idea talking about future plans. Only about a week ago after we came back from a date he cupped my face with his hands, looked into my eyes and said he loved me! It didn't feel like he was lying he said it so sincerely. If he was never invested why tell me loved me? I don't know

[stillafool]

I'm 21. He is 27. Maybe he was never invested in me. But he did spend 8 months with me. HE wanted to move in with me. It was always his idea talking about future plans. Only about a week ago after we came back from a date he cupped my face with his hands, looked into my eyes and said he loved me! It didn't feel like he was lying he said it so sincerely. If he was never invested why tell me loved me? I don't know

 

The truth is some people are liars. Is he treating you like a man who is in love with you?

[Minniemouse11]

The truth is some people are liars. Is he treating you like a man who is in love with you?

 

No he's not. I guess it's hard to accept that he was lying to my face the whole. The realisation that someone would actually do that. That makes it worse for me because I believed him

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

No he's not. I guess it's hard to accept that he was lying to my face the whole. The realisation that someone would actually do that. That makes it worse for me because I believed him

 

I don't think he was lying to you the whole time. I think he just changed his mind. Happens all the time. It's why people get dumped.

[Minniemouse11]

I don't think he was lying to you the whole time. I think he just changed his mind. Happens all the time. It's why people get dumped.

 

He changed his mind in the space of a few days? He was still telling me he loved me right up until he dumped me

[Gr8fuln2020]

Some people are really good liars and enjoy manipulating others. When someone makes an abrupt change like that, he was never in love with you. He may have had 'feelings', but, love? Just my thoughts.