Mjm1014 Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Things have been going well in my relationship lately with a girl I’ve been dating for 4 months. I’ve met her family, and they all seem to really like me, and I’ve met most of her friends. We spend the past four days together and had a blast, things seriously couldn’t have been more perfect. She was so affectionate and telling me how happy she was and how lucky she was to have met me. Last night she wanted me to go to the bar to meet some of her other friends that I’ve never met before (she was really excited to invite me) and things have gone downhill since then. Soon as I walked into the bar I could tell my gf was acting distant with me, her friends wouldn’t even talk to me (she claimed afterward they were mad because they agreed it was a girls night out). At one point I overheard a conversation between my gf and her friend and her friend was basically like “why are you dating a guy that’s 5’6” and she started laughing at my girlfriend. A few guys in the group were also giving me ugly looks and talking about me for some reason. Anyways I ended up leaving after an hour because I felt so out of place. Girlfriend seemed really cold at the bar with me anyways. Late last night my gf stopped by my house after and basically told me all the negative stuff people had said about me (too short,they said I don’t seem like her type, and not bad boy enough for her) and she even went on to say her brother doesn’t think it will even work because I seem like such a great guy, and not a bad boy like she’s use to going out with and for once she’s dating someone with a stable job that has their act together. I’ve been nothing but friendly towards everyone, even bought her friends drinks last night. I just don’t get why everyone is telling her all this stuff and why she feels the need to tell me this to put me down. Since last night my gf says she wants to move forward and that I shouldn’t worry what anyone is saying about me, but at the same time her mood towards me seems to have changed a lot. Even on the phone she seems annoyed with me and distant. I’m so confused why she wouldn’t stick up for me a little more or be understanding when I tell her all this is bothering me-instead she just gets defensive and starts to get mad when I bring it up. I seriously feel like I’ve lost every bit of confidence around her now.
rushed Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Dude, that is not cool of her. At. All. She can't control how her friends and her family act nor what they say. What she can and should have done is stick up for you. Unless she starts defending you and making you feel better, personally, this would be a deal-breaker for me. 5
ShyLove Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Awww that is horrible!! I'm sorry that happened to you and my confidence would take a hit also if I went through what you went through! About how old are you guys? I had that happen once when I dated a guy that treated me well that wasn't my usual type when I was in my 20s. I found that the girls who would make snide comments had boyfriends that were very unattractive (but I never judged bc if someone makes my friend happy, then I'M happy) or had no boyfriend at all-one hadn't even been on a date in years (but still felt the need to judge the appearance of my guy). So what I'm trying to say is that people who are mature and in satisfying relationships usually don't go out of their way to make horrible comments about people's physical characteristics when their friend (your gf) is happy. I know its hard now but don't take it personal. And don't try harder to win her friends over. Stand up for yourself. Confidence is key...and sexy Your girlfriend needs to stand up to her friends as well. You two should have a talk face to face. Good Luck to ya 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Wow, this is awful . If your girlfriend isn't willing to stand up for you, you can find another who will. It's also concerning that her friends seem to WANT her to be with someone who doesn't have his life together. How old are these people?
Maggie4 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 You should be more confident around her now. Sorry to say this bluntly: this is not a classy gal. By now you must already know you can do better, right? She's not a keeper. If you continue to see her, wouldn't you just be using her until you can meet a nice girl? It's no-win for both of you.
greymatter Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 She sounds terribly immature to change her attitude and feelings for you based on what her friends (who sound like shallow, superficial idiots) said. That sounds horrible all around. You deserve so much better. 1
smackie9 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 (edited) Her friends were putting her down and making you the butt end of the joke. Like you, her self esteem has been shoved into the dirt. She's been rejected/verbally attacked by her friends, and doesn't know what to think right now. Their judgement is making her second guess herself.....she's feeling really down and very hurt too. Meh it's all about growing up. She needs to think about who her real friends are atm. If I were you I would just give her, her space....she really needs to think things over. Edited December 18, 2017 by smackie9 2
BaileyB Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Indeed, she needs to decide if she is going to live her life for herself, or based on the opinion of others. She has some thinking and growing to do... The best thing to do would have been to tell these people to keep their opinions to themself, and then not to tell you any of the hurtful things that were said. I'm sorry this has happened to you.
snowboy91 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Her friends basically steamrolled you, and once you left they steamrolled her. Some friends they are. I feel like she's become distant because the way she feels about you (and probably a lot of things) is dependent on what her friends think, whether it's conscious to her or not. She really needs to stick up for herself and call them out on what they were saying, which is awful and shallow in itself. I know that's easier said than done, learning to be assertive and trust one's own judgement and choices despite what others think is a heck of a tough thing to learn. This is a concern you should definitely raise with her though.
act00 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 That's tough and it was absolutely not necessary to fill you in on all the things they said about you to her. It's not something you needed to hear. It will be very difficult to be around them in the future, let alone know this is who she's hanging around with. Good friends wouldn't bash on who someone is dating like that. Personally, I think she needs to reevaluate who she hangs with. They didn't treat her well either. She ultimately kept to them and was closed off, maybe even embarrassed by you thanks to their commentary, when she should have stuck up for you and left with you when they treated you so badly, but she was treating you badly too and joining them, so not sure what that says about her. That really sucks, and I guess you need to think about if this is something you wish to continue in your life, particularly such a negative influence on her from her friends. See how it goes, though I question if I would want to continue. It does need to be discussed, but maybe put this on the back burner for a few days and give her a chance to digest everything and hopefully feel less attacked.
todreaminblue Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 your gf has a decision to make and something to understand...true friends would not have treated her or you this way......it really was in bad taste to let you know what they said that was horrible....and in bad taste not to walk out when you did....i would have asked them to stop or im leaving with my guy if you make him uncomfortable.......i would have told them to show respect to you or they were in actual fact disrespecting me and my ability to choose my own guy..... a friend is a friend when they are respectful of your choices however bad they think those choices may be she chose to be with you........they werent being true friends to your gf...i would never allow my friends to do this to a guy i was dating ..especially judging a guy physically on height...what is that?????..and they wouldn't do it ...if my friendship meant anything to them.. i wouldnt want to be friends with friends like that...your gf needs to assert her right to be happy with who she chooses to be with and for her friends to be happy for her.....just because she is happy.... deb
smackie9 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 I believe she told you everything because she was in shock and didn't really know what else to do. My guess she was looking for some reassurance, support, some positive words, and confidence.....and maybe some advice on how to handle them and this situation. She was dumbfounded that they would do such a thing. When you are young you have a narrow perception about your world until something like this happens. She just doesn't have the life experience to deal with it, in a mature manner.
ilovemefirst Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 No you did not overreact. She seems she gets influenced by her friends. If she cant stick up for you, shes wrong for you. I think you should take a step back from her and if she comes back, tell her its not ok how she made you feel.
kendahke Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Since she wants the bad boy, go NC until 1/2/18. That's some gangsta roughneck bad boy stuff right there. She should be a puddle for you by Jan 2. Stay ghosty til 2/15/18. She should be feeling her comfort level with you then.
PhillyLibertyBelle Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Tell her to jog on! You can get a woman who thinks and treats you as if you are a King!
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