Adventuregirl Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 I met this guy 2 months ago. We've had roughly a date per week since then, sometimes twice a week. I'm 25, he's 6 months younger. We were pretty intense early on, talking about all sorts of things about ourselves and our past. We would have nice long conversations by text every night usually after I finish work as I work late. I find it really hard to hold back when I like someone early on and was pretty eager in terms of initiating plans to meet up at the weekends, which he was enthusiastic about. Now I feel maybe I've put too much effort in early on and he isn't interested as he didn't have to do much chasing. We had a lovely weekend where we just chilled at my place and spent pretty much the whole weekend together. Since then, he's been pretty sparse with texting, maybe sending 2-3 texts per night and texting late so that we can't really have a full conversation as we're going to sleep. This is even if I initiate the first message early on in the evening. We haven't seen each other this weekend even though we had planned to, but he had plans with his friends what with it being holiday season. I haven't heard from him all weekend and am so tempted to send a message. But I feel when I'm always putting in the effort, I don't know how he feels or if he were to make any effort without me initiating it. He's quite a shy guy in general but I think he has opened up alot since the start, so I'm not sure if it's shyness that's stopping him or if he's just losing interest. Any advice is much appreciated! I'm planning on speaking out about what I'm feeling when I next see him, which will hopefully be before Christmas comes around.
LoverOfDance Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 This sounds pretty similar to my last relationship. At the end, I begged him to tell me how he felt and he finally revealed to me that his feelings weren't very strong. I would advice you to take a step back. I think it is very possible that your feelings are stronger than his. I would say step back - distract yourself with other things or/and other people. Hopefully you guys are not exclusive yet. Maybe even date other people. With time his feelings might catch up with yours or maybe they won't and you'll end up being friends or simply moving on with your lives. I would say, just don't invest too much into this guy. When you know him much better and are sure that he likes you then you can start to invest a bit. It's too early right now and from what you've written, he doesn't seem very sure about you. Pull back and let him figure out what he wants.
act00 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Two months can be about the time that things settle into more of a realistic way of life. Communication might drop a little. You don't stay up late talking as much or at all anymore, as people have work and responsibility. People get back to some activities they may have brushed aside to be with this new person. You may see each other less or settle into a more realistic way of spending time together. Of course it can feel a little difficult, especially when everything was pretty fast and intense to start with. It can be more difficult when one person is less busy. Your differing schedules and his inability to be up too late make it hard for you at night, but it's not necessarily a slow fade...but it could be. It's also about the time that the new hotness starts to fade and people get more real, and it's a time where one person may feel like it's just not working for them. It's a natural point to part ways in many cases. I would be prepared for the latter, but things seemed to be going well, don't give up. Keep busy with your own stuff, and let the relationship just evolve. If you're not getting what you want out of it, then it may be time to part ways. It could be as stated above, he needs time to catch up to you. 1
caveman621 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 I think do what you said you would do. Ask him. You might not like the answer, but better to know than to guess.
Author Adventuregirl Posted December 18, 2017 Author Posted December 18, 2017 Thanks for the great advice. It helps when someone else spells it out. I'm going to take a step back and let him make the effort and make his feelings known. If things don't improve I think it's worth having a conversation about how I've been feeling, there's a possibility he's not aware that the way he's been acting is upsetting me. He's pretty inexperienced with dating.
ZoeGirl Posted December 20, 2017 Posted December 20, 2017 It is so hard not to be excited about someone in the beginning and then, we settle into our regular lives again. I remember reading in Captain Corelli's Mandolin "Love is what is left when falling in love has faded away." Speaks volumes about the initial chemistry and attraction when first meeting someone. Falling in love is easy. It is the long term feelings that matter. I think that stepping back is the right thing to do and let his feelings be known. It is hard, I know, but you have to let him have his space and see if is still interested.
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