How to move on

[Truth10000]

Hi friends,

I broke up with my girlfriend about 3 months ago, ending a one and a half year serious relationship, because i found out she was cheating on me. But i am not able to forget her.

I am a 26 yr old entrepreneur. i moved to my current city about 5 years ago and set up a couple of businesses, which have been doing well. Eventually i met this girl online in the same city and we gelled very well, soon getting very close, and even planning marriage.

From the start i noticed this girl was a socialite while i am an introvert, preferring to hang out with a cup of coffee or a couple of trusted friends, while she partied with all sorts of rich shady people without me, but she was so loving and supportive of me that i tended to overlook that, trusting her blindly.

I asked her to only go to clubs with me or trusted friends, which she agreed to.

This girl wasn't in a good position financially so i, having fallen in love with her despite our different natures, started supporting her financially ( Her college expenses, bought her a small car and phone. I even paid for her father's treatment. Please note i did this without expectation as i loved this girl a lot.)

However i always noticed over the year the amount of boys she was friends with, eventually finding evidence of her 'trips' and overnight parties with her shady friends. whenever i would voice my suspicion she would fight with me, saying she would never do so as she was fully loyal to me. i dont know how crazy i was in her love that i mentally forgave her a number of times.

Eventually in september i incurred a big loss in one of my businesses and had to go on an emergency trip to dubai. there i found out through our friends that she had gone to late night parties thrown by the same horny, shady guys i had requested her not to meet, instead of worrying over me.

I finally started investigating and found out a lot; she had gone out with a guy behind my back for over 2 months, and that she had done so with another guy during the beginning few months of our relationship, even spending the night with them. I had proofs to back it up.

I had had enough and broke up with her on my return, even though it killed me inside. She threw tantrums, cried over the first month, but never accepted any of the proofs i showed her, even going on to say that i had gotten bored with her so i was dumping her and that she thought of me as her soulmate, and that she could not leave her 'friends' as i had left her. I blocked her.

i came to know that about a week after break up she again went to overnight trips with a couple of guys along with her friend, while i was down in the dumps. she has gone out and partied consistently while i haven't been able to smile for the past 3 months, and not met another girl. despite this she told our mutual friends that she was devastated without me , something which even they dont believe.

she has tried to contact the same couple of mutual friends to try and get in touch with me and get back with me. they all support me and say i deserve much better.

Thing is, i still miss this girl, and i dont know why. I also dont know why she cheated on me.

Please dont think i am boasting but i am a tall, good looking, relatively-rich guy and have had girls swoon over me in the past.

I feel i never disappointed this girl even in bed, with her literally begging me to tone it down many times. She would always be fascinated with my virility.I remained fiercely loyal to this girl, cutting off other girls who approached me.

I gave this girl everything, took her to the best places and clubs WITH ME, literally told her she was my princess and i would marry her and support her and always remain loyal to her.

Still she did this to me.

I just don't know what is wrong with me, this girl cheated on me, lied to me, fought with me. She wasn't even that pretty, still i miss her.

Please friends help me come out of my depression, i can never forgive a cheater so there is no going back. I just am not able to believe this woman would say things like she wanted to be the mother of my children while sleeping with other guys behind my back.

I just want to move on but i am having a lot of trouble doing it, maybe because i am an introvert. i feel less of a man, and miserable sometimes.

i have never felt like asking for help but couldn't hold it in any longer.

Its been 3 months and i just want to move on.

Please guide.

[HumanMachine]

It’s strange isn’t it? Someone completely screws you over and makes a fool of you but you still miss them. My ex was the same - guy ‘friends’, secretive, not trustworthy, EXTREMELY manipulative yet I’m sitting here on a Sunday missing her smile and the stupid things we used to laugh about. Why don’t our brains feel relieved of the stress and pain that these individuals bring to us?

 

Anyway back on topic, all I can recommend is keep yourself busy and keep dating. Eventually you will feel better, if you break NC you’re guaranteed to start the healing process again!

[Been]

I'm sorry you went through that. It sucks because you did a lot for someone who ended up betraying you in the worst way.

I think you have to sit back and realize that everything she told you I suspect. Everything.

I think your looking more so for closure and the why she did what she did when you pretty much gave her everything.

My ex was like yours. I gave a lot and in the end she cheated and I couldn't figure out why and for the longest time it bothered me.

I think some people crave attention and in order to get attention and keep it going they do things like cheat. If you can't give her 100% of your attention- and nobody can do that - and let's say you end up giving her 90% of your attention she needs that 10% from somewhere.

I bet her dating history will show she's cheated on a lot of people she's dated.

You can't get closure with her. She will never accept responsibility for her actions and if she does somehow its your fault. You dated someone that is concerned about only THEMSELVES.

Keep doing NC. Its the only way to move forward.

[toomanyquestions123]

she is simply a gold digger and a s***. Miss her and cry and let it out as much as you can. She does not deserve your love !! You are a loyal guy, thats smth rare to find you even supported her financially !!! now thats wow !!! marry us all of the girls in here lol !! and what did she do ? girls that cheat on good successful guys are b**** and sick !!! please please do not go back to this girl !!

[d0nnivain]

You were together for almost 5 years. That is a long time. Especially at the holidays when everything is focused on home & family, you are not going to move on in 3 mere months. It takes time to grieve a loss. Even if you intellectually realize that she's not worth it, you still lost the illusion that you two were a happy couple & you miss that companionship; you miss the faithful loyal woman you wanted her to be.

 

First give yourself time to grieve. As an entrepreneur you understand the importance of resilience in the face of failure; you analyze what went wrong, tweak the process & try again. The same holds true for relationships.

 

Next if you haven't already, get rid of all the mementos. If you can't bear to throw them out box 'em all up. Any digital photos get put on a thumb drive & put away too.

 

Rearrange your living space. Move a chair. Get some new throw pillows. Put your dishes in a different cabin. Get new sheets. In essence, exorcize her from your house. Change up something in your life too -- new hair cut, renewed commitment to exercise, some new clothes.

 

Keep busy. Work out. Start another new business or dive farther into work. Volunteer somewhere. Reconnect with old friends who may have fallen by the wayside while you were dating her.

 

Surround yourself with supportive friends & family.

 

Don't rush into anything else & understand healing takes time.

[Truth10000]

Thanks for your support. Means a lot.

Isn't it? I have found out that this girl cheated on me over and over, yet i miss her lol.

Trouble is because of the nature of my work, i meet relatively few women my age, and and am just dead scared to go online again. What is worse is that i have few friends in this city, so i am thinking of just picking up my old hobbies again and immersing myself in them during free time....

[d0nnivain]

What is worse is that i have few friends in this city, so i am thinking of just picking up my old hobbies again and immersing myself in them during free time....

 

That is an excellent plan.

 

When you are ready to date again, skip the OLD thing. Instead, throw yourself into business / networking meetings. Even if your ideal client isn't at the local chamber of commerce meeting your new GF might be. Try getting involved in some groups that will improve the way you do business. Also consider something charitable like Rotary to improve your local profile, do good in the world & meet new people.

 

I met my husband at a business card exchange.

[Truth10000]

Thank you for your kind words. All of you.

Yes that is what i am trying to do, picking up old hobbies (trap shooting, swimming, i am also a car nut) and friends. Concentrating on my work and attending seminars.

I am really not the "party till you pass out" kind of guy as i mentioned earlier, preferring to spend my time in activities that are relaxing or constructive. I have started working out again as i was a competitive swimmer, and years of immersing myself in my work has taken a bit of a toll on my body.

Its just a question always remains in my head; was there something that she didn't get from me? I was a guy who loved her truly, while she preferred guys who treated her like a piece of meat. Is there something fundamentally wrong with these kind of women/people?

[d0nnivain]

Its just a question always remains in my head; was there something that she didn't get from me? * * * Is there something fundamentally wrong with these kind of women/people?

 

Yes to both. She has some sort of hole in her life / soul that she hasn't figured out how to fill. She needed a lot of attention & unfortunately was getting it in unhealthy places. She may have not even fully understood how good she had it with you because she so much wanted the "glamourous" party life.

 

It's not something you could have done differently.

[Truth10000]

@toomanyquestions123 Thank you so much for your words!

I did not mean to sound like a snob. I just let it all out. I supported this girl because i truly loved her. I expected loyalty from her because I myself have NEVER cheated. Its the one thing that has no excuse, no forgiveness. I am thankful to god to give me success at this age, but just stumped at what this girl did to me.

[Truth10000]

@donnivain Thank you for your support and advice.

Its just that despite realizing this, i remain disturbed.

I guess only time and good company will heal my mental state.

[Truth10000]

The thing i feel worst about is that i broke up with her. She left no stone unturned in making me feel that i was abandoning her, the villain who had left her lol

[toomanyquestions123]

The thing i feel worst about is that i broke up with her. She left no stone unturned in making me feel that i was abandoning her, the villain who had left her lol

 

Please dont feel guilty for dumping a girl who cheated on you several times. There ARE no excuse for cheating. The pain you are feeling is so normal. Take the whole time you need. You may sometimes justify the reasons why she did this and blame yourself. But seriously do you think there is any reason for cheating ? if she was not happy she could have left you.

[Truth10000]

You are right. Thank you. I guess the pain will only go away with time.