Can you love again with the same intensity once you've given someone your all?

[Nothingtolose]

I was having a conversation with a friend this week who is seeing a guy who got out of a long-term relationship a few months ago. She says it appears from social media posts she's seen that he was crazy about the girl and did everything for her, and that the break up hit him pretty hard. My friend has been seeing him for 6 months and says she has a strong feeling he isn't in love with her, and although he is sweet and seems to want to stick around, his heart's not fully in it.

 

She says she has noticed this with guys in the past, that once they've really loved one girl and given that person their all, they are never able to love with the same intensity again - so the girl that comes next just gets a 'watered-down' version of them.

 

It got me thinking back to a time when I was in a similar situation (with a guy that never fully got over his ex he had broken up with 7 years before he met me!), and to how I feel now...having got out of a 3 year relationship (4.5 year history) with a guy I was crazy about, but had to end as he wasn't the right guy for me and was not giving me what I wanted and needed in the relationship - plus other issues with addictions. It's been 3 months so still fairly recent, but I have been on many dates, and sometimes I have the feeling I'm never going to be able to love with the same intensity again, or to give and try as hard as I did with him. I feel broken, empty, you name it. I want to rebuild so I can be able to give another man the same level of love/devotion, but I wonder if I can. And I also worry that I could meet someone who's on the same boat, perpetually 'broken' from a relationship to which they gave their everything.

 

What do you guys think? Can you fully love with your whole heart again, once you've had that type of intense love for someone? Or will the next poor bastard just get a watered-down version of you, because the best version was already given to someone else?

[somanymistakes]

Depends on the person, and how well they've recovered from the past. Some people rebound passionately and love TOO hard TOO fast because they're reeling from losing a big love. Some people have trouble ever connecting the same way they did before. Sometimes their first passionate love was so passionate because it was unhealthy. Certain kinds of toxic/abusive relationships can feel more intense than a sane, stable relationship does.

 

Being the first rebound after a big relationship is always tricky and generally has bad odds.

 

But people live long lives. They generally recover.

[todreaminblue]

i feel that love is endless...we as human beings were given the capacity to love endlessly so i believe that you are able to love as much as you want and are able to give.....and it doesnt matter how many you have loved or who little or intensely loved....i dont know if it could be a watered down version of love...or it isnt love...i think its fear to give love and be burnt.

 

giving your all ...is a choice you make......and i believe ....it is the only way to love.....to give everything you have to the one you are with....even to the point if it ends you having nothing left...thats when it should end....

 

love is a renewable source....an eternal well of hope,warmth,your best efforts and good intentions......you keep mutually filling the bucket...your love will always feel full......deb.....

[basil67]

I'm sure people can experience that deep love again. But in order to do so, one can't be carting around baggage.

 

I wonder if your mistake was to try so hard for someone who was never going to meet your needs. Such a terrible waste of your love and energy.

[CptInsano]

I'm with todreaminblue in that regard: Love is endless, you just add to it. It also doesn't necessarily stops, you can still feel that love to some degree.

 

At the same time it is never the same, but not definitely less or more, just a different kind of love.

[GoodOnPaper]

I'm sure people can experience that deep love again. But in order to do so, one can't be carting around baggage.

 

Agree. I have grown to believe that you should either make something permanent work with the first or second relationship you have or else wait until you have completely figured yourself out and resolved most of your baggage. Of course, most of us do neither - that's what helps keep LS in business!