Allumere Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 I am very sad. I was dumped over poor communications and assumptions. I am hurt that he didn't communicate how he felt. He thought I had friend-zoned him. I thought I was being supportive and considerate by not putting any demands on his time. He had a boat-load on his plate so everyday I tried to be there by asking how he was and encouraging him every time he hit a goal. Last week on my birthday he said he wanted to take me to dinner over the weekend. I said that would be great, but he didn't ask when the weekend came so I figured with his studies he just didn't have time. Sunday morning he asked if I wanted to do brunch but I told him I had plans. I was spending time with my dad (he has dementia so quality time is precious). He said have a great day and I wished him luck studying. This weekend all his projects were finished so I was looking forward to spending time together. When I said lets get together he said he was busy but could do lunch on Sunday. I thought that was strange so I asked what was going on. He then proceeded to tell me he started to see someone a couple of weeks ago because he thought I wasn't interested. We had a conversation before Thanksgiving about children. He told me today he thought that was me pushing him away. It was so not the case. I thought it was something important he shouldn't ignore. He had had women pull the fade and assumed I was doing the same starting with a conversation before Thanksgiving. I said if he really wanted kids then he shouldn't give up on that. He certainly wasn't too old. I also said if he came to that conclusion, he may need to date younger women as older ones may not be in a position physical or mentally to go down that path. I brought up the topic because when he was moving from his big house He said he thought it was always going to be filled with children. I felt that at my core and felt so sad for him so that's why it was something I brought up. As someone who has always been the dumpee and has been cheated on I would never do the fade or intentionally leave them hanging. I know how much it hurts. I know his ego was driving his reaction and I can see how he came to that conclusion. I am just hurt he didn't simply ask me or thought I would do that. If he had decided definitively on the children situation and sat down and told me he agreed he really needed to be with someone who wanted kids I would be sad but I would have understood. He was genuinely shocked by my reaction today..me being hurt, crushed (and once again right before XMAS). It all just sucks.
basil67 Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 I'm sorry this happened to you. From your description of your interactions with him, I can certainly see why he got the impression that you weren't interested. It sounds to me like you put yourself last. That you are TOO giving. Yes, it's possible to be giving to a fault. In my experience, guys like a girl who's not afraid to say what she wants. If you wanted to see him, you should have said so. Worked out how and when to make it work around his schedule. And to be fair, he would have seen your overly passive actions as you doing the fade on him. You refer to always being the dumpee. Do you have a habit of putting yourself last? If so, I wonder if you're being seen as a doormat. Could you do with a injection of assertiveness? Assertive people are very attractive. More so than passive or aggressive. 1
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