When am I going to be ready to settle down

[jerrygordon3]

If you read my previous post: I dated someone for three years and she always wants to stay together. She always gets me back. But when we are together she picks fights and we argue and then I feel crazy for Breaking things off. She’ll talk about how I gave up.

 

I’ll evaluate my feelings and realize I love her and want things to work out, but feel emotionally exhausted because she may start a fight about one thing but it ends up taking up an entire day. She’ll be pissy/ unhappy for days on end. Well talk about it in retrospect and she said well... it’s cause you did this and this and you gave up and checked out.. and I’ll say ya, I went out w my friends and didn’t want to spend the day with you and I was checked out but it was because I was absolutely miserable being in the house still.

 

I’m honestly just confused. I don’t feel ready for a relationship. I’m 31... I don’t think about marriage and family and think about all the little things like birthdays parties. I think about traveling. I feel emotionally drained but worry that I just have commitment issues. I’m trying to make sense of all this. Inside I feel drained. And objectively my ex tells me I have commitment issues. I do seem to see scenarios when it gets serious and get anxiety.

 

Whether it be moving in together or children. My ex moved in w me for three weeks pregnant and it was constant fighting and threats and she ended up moving out and getting an abortion but when I think back I remember how happy I was being w her and her daughter before she moved in and all I wanted was a figure w this girl. Then she moved in... and screaming, throwing things, up all night. Not alllwed to sleep.

 

At this point idk what to do. Cut ties w my ex and get counseling and be single for a long long time??? Because eventually I want a family. Whatever bone people have in their bodies where they put family and their children first. I feel emotionally drained and removed from loving other people. I think about how a father thinks of throwing some super cool special birthday party for his kids and I realize I don’t know if I would think of that. If I would ever be able to just sit in a relationship and work hard and be successful.

 

I’m starting to doubt myself because of the last relationship and wonder if I have massive commitment issues. And how do I heal and become the kind of guy that wants a marriage. Or should I just accept that I’m not ever going to get married. I’ve never felt so lost... I just feel like I’ve been single for a month and beautiful women are calling me, I have tons of opppturnities and I just see them as commitments and I’m not ready. I need a break. But I’m 31. I contacted a shrink because I need to find out if I have a baseline commitment issue

Edited December 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and link to backstory

[Chilli]

don't get ya sorry.

Who in their right mind would wanna commit to those types of relationships. You'd just be setting yourself up one miserable life and a divorce later.

 

Apart from just not being with the right women yet, you sound like your just not feeling like it yet anyway, only 31 , not a biggie these days.

 

Maybe when the right women comes along and your all head over heals in love but still can't commit maybe then yeah you got some stuff but right now your just playing it smart from what l can see.

[sdraw108]

I agree with the above. There are three scenarios here:

 

1. You're fine with commitment and starting a family, but you're with the wrong person. In this case you need to find the right person.

 

2. You're fundamentally fine with commitment, but you're not ready yet. In this case you just need time.

 

3. You actually have commitment issues. I've never experienced that, so I can't advise on this one!

[mortensorchid]

Dude, what kind of b******* is this woman you are with? The reason you have commitment issues is because she's not the right person. GET OUT NOW before you do something completely ridiculous like marry her and let it turn into more of a nightmare you're never going to wake up from.

[BaileyB]

It's good that you are going to talk with a counsellor. Definitely, the best thing you can do before you get into another relationship.

 

I'm not sure that you have commitment issues, as much as you had a very unhealthy partner and very poor boundaries.

 

Good luck.

[viatori patuit]

Wow, do they still teach grammar structure in schools?

[smackie9]

What I see is a guy that has had a bad experience with a bad GF. I wouldn't be thinking about marriage or kids after an experience like that. You just to simply have some time for yourself to clear your head and meet the right person. I hope you have learned from this experience and know what is right, what is not right and how to handle it. Going back repeatedly is not how to handle this type of relationship.