Yosemite Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 My good friends (one of which who has known him since high school) has said he's always been very quiet and rarely talks. Is that what you like? A man who doesn’t talk. Doesn’t seem like it because you said that you felt he was standoffish because he didn’t speak during bowling or when he was hustling you out of his house. He got sex from you without having to put in much effort (barely spoke to you), didn’t even ask you out, (he asked his friend to ask you), and then rushes you out the next day. Is that how you like to be treated? Does that make you feel wanted and special? If not, why text him? How much older is he and how old are you? Old guys are set in their ways, so don’t think he’s going to change for you. If you want a partner that’s silent, go for it, otherwise bail. It’s pretty convenient how he knew to be sweet and talkative immediately leading up to and in the bedroom and felt no need to talk at any other time. 4
thefooloftheyear Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 I don't get it..... He seems disinterested, yet you go back to his place and sleep with him? Then he drops you off and barely talks to you? Makes no sense to me(your behavior-not his, btw)...Of course, perhaps he needed time to get to know you better, etc, but then you would probably be best advised to try another few dates(or a definitive amount of time to gauge interest) before jumping in the sack, no? I'm not being critical, and most posters already covered the main points...I guess just make better judgements and decisions...if what you actually want is a boyfriend.. TFY 1
Timshel Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Hey Kristine, it's ok no one has a crystal ball. It's his loss. You were right about him from the start, when you thought he was standoffish. Trust yourself next time...good instinct to question the situation. 2
salparadise Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Did he use me for sex? Perhaps the question should be who used whom. OK, well, I think his comment about "third time's a charm" was crass and all-telling, in my opinion. He really wanted to be the one to get you to have sex... Haha, so we're ascribing meaning, or more like evil motivations, to that little quip are we? Is that the secret phrase that predators use to disarm their victims? I think it's interesting that, even though OP describes the sex as mutually consensual and expressed no regrets, people are making moral judgements about the guy... as if he had a moral obligation to decline if he wasn't planning to go ring shopping the next day! If that's what you retained from your birds and bees talk, me thinks you might have been given the abridged version. :bunny:
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Perhaps the question should be who used whom. Haha, so we're ascribing meaning, or more like evil motivations, to that little quip are we? Is that the secret phrase that predators use to disarm their victims? I think it's interesting that, even though OP describes the sex as mutually consensual and expressed no regrets, people are making moral judgements about the guy... as if he had a moral obligation to decline if he wasn't planning to go ring shopping the next day! If that's what you retained from your birds and bees talk, me thinks you might have been given the abridged version. :bunny: The OP's question was about whether or not he was using her for sex, not about whether or not she used him for sex. Just giving my opinion.
d0nnivain Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 I agree you weren't used. You were a willing participant. Own your actions & take responsibility for the decisions you made. If you don't want to have sex with somebody early on, stay out of their homes & say no. It really is that simple & you have all the control He was up early because he had to go to work. His work schedule had nothing to do with you or what you shared the night before. Did you honestly expect him to call in sick & spend all day with you? It hasn't even been a few hours & he's at work. Simmer down. Give the guy a chance to get through his day & hope he calls tomorrow. If you don't hear from him by Tuesday then you can conclude he was only interested in NSA sex.
smackie9 Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Be interested in those who treat you the way you want to be treated. You were told his standoff-ish demeanor is how he is. If this bothers you, don't consider dating him.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Agree with others. He didn't use you to get to the first sex episode. You were a willing participant. No pattern at all has been established here, so one cannot begin to speak of "using." Your past is irrelevant. His "third is the charm" comment seems flippant and dismissive, but you won't know until your next encounter (w/o the sex). 1
smackie9 Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 I don't get it.....why do most women think them having sex is like a currency...like it's suppose to guarantee them a relationship. If it doesn't then they act like they were robbed or conned. 6
Els Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 (edited) I really don't understand how someone can "use you" for sex if you're having sex with them consensually on the first date. That's like a guy offering a girl from OLD whom he's never met an all-expense-paid cruise trip on their first date, and then complaining she "used him" when she declined a second date... "Using someone" by definition implies some level of deceit - for instance, you tell him you only have sex in exclusive relationships, he says he wants an exclusive relationship with you after a few months and then ghosts after you have sex. This man made zero promises to you, nor can a reasonable person even infer any promises based on what happened there. Edited December 17, 2017 by Elswyth 4
jjgitties Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 I told him I never had sex on the first date before. He was number three for me, which he replied, "Maybe third times a charm." lol Thats really cool of you. But if I was that guy, I wouldn't believe you. Why would you tell me the truth about your sex habits? 2
act00 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 I really don't understand how someone can "use you" for sex if you're having sex with them consensually on the first date. That's like a guy offering a girl from OLD whom he's never met an all-expense-paid cruise trip on their first date, and then complaining she "used him" when she declined a second date... "Using someone" by definition implies some level of deceit - for instance, you tell him you only have sex in exclusive relationships, he says he wants an exclusive relationship with you after a few months and then ghosts after you have sex. This man made zero promises to you, nor can a reasonable person even infer any promises based on what happened there. This, and also consider a pattern. This guy could be charming and friendly but only when he's feeling frisky and then go back to ignoring and unengaged when he got what he wanted until the next time. If the OP is in constant flux between an attentive man who disappears and is stand-offish, one might consider she is being used. It could just be "how he is," and not necessarily a purposeful act, in which case, who wants that kind of guy? She can stick it out and see if he warms up to her once he knows her more, but for me, I wouldn't tolerate it...but then, I already went through a bad relationship with one of these "quiet types," and hindsight is 20/20, I should have seen the behavior as a red flag. 1
caveman621 Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Just piling on here. Why did he maybe use you for sex? Did you maybe use him for sex? Let's not be misogynistic here people! 2
Purepony Posted December 18, 2017 Posted December 18, 2017 Has this guy made any contact after this encounter op?
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