Chewbacca1974 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Hi guys & gals, Just would like to get peoples opinions on this question. My ex partner wanted a single life after a 2.5 year relationship, her reason was that she has never had her time to herself, she wants to have a single life and fill it with friends & family. Her reason was that since the age of 17 years old she has been in a relationship, she is now 38. So my question, has this happened to anyone else, basically timing she says was wrong, genuine or not? Chewy x Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 All you need to know is what she's told you. She doesn't want a relationship. You'll either let her go or keep yourself bound up in this. You can't fix this Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Chewy, this is just womanspeak for “I don’t love you anymore”. It’s a lame excuse which may have some basis in reality, but the fact is she won’t be single forever. I’ve found that women tend to be less direct then men and the intent is usually to soften the blow. What it does is keeps you hanging on to false hope. No one is worth waiting for. If she happens to come back one day decide then but go NC and pretend that she’s dead. If she does come back you will likely not want her anymore because you have moved on. The universe seems to send out a signal to dumpers letting them know the dumpee has moved on and it’s only then that they come back....after it’s too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca1974 Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 Thanks for your replies. What I don’t understand is that 3 months ago when we broke up we have met up and she messages me out the blue. Recently she popped round and dropped a few things off and she said who knows what will happen in a few years, what’s meant to be won’t pass you by and she wants to meetup between Xmas and new year! Only if I want to...what do I do? I don’t want to come across desperate. I know I have to move on, which I will do, but how confusing is this message! I would much prefer the hammer blow.... Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 My ex of 7 years said “Maybe we’ll get back together” like 15 tines on the day she moved out. She also said she loved me and would always be there for me. Last time she emailed about something logistical I asked her if she wanted to get together. She stopped responding. I made the mistake of reaching out to her the other day (1.5 years later) to see maybe if something changed and she sent the call to voicemail after two rings and never responded to my message. The last time I responded to her reaching out was 6 months ago so not like I was harassing her. Who knows. Women think differently than us and most base actions on emotions which run the gambit of the spectrum and are subject to frequent change. . You can meet with her if you want but make it clear you are only interested in something romantic and don’t send yourself to the friend zone. Fact is once a woman leaves she rarely comes back unless the guy she left you for doesn’t work out or she needs an ego boost. And there is almost always another guy. Even if it’s someone she just had an interest in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca1974 Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 Cheers Seven, I think deep down we know its over but fail to move on, I’ll rephrase that we fail to accept. So with your experience Seven (anyone) would you recommend I ignore her, she knows already I want to only be romantic with her. I said to her Tuesday if either of us meet anyone then it would be unfair to stay in contact, she then said she wouldn’t like that... My previous partner came back after 3 months wanting to get back together, I then moved on met someone who I really liked...really liked but I decided to get back with ex (bad move) it turned out the same... I dont want to do the same thing this time in case she does regret. So seven, when did you separate? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 IME, it's unlikely for a person to change their entrenched relationship style but anything is possible. People who move from relationship to relationship since a teenager rarely get a hankering for the solitary life or, if they do, the reality of it is sobering and sometimes even scary. Back to the familiar they go. However, since no one can read her mind, IMO a change of heart is just that. Happens. Doesn't need a reason. Done, over. You can have changes of heart too. Part of being human. Don't deny yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca1974 Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 Thanks carhill, I think commitment really frightens her. If I was being honest with myself it would be best if I do move on... if she is having this single/break from relationships to have her “me” time just like she told me then I would not want to change her mind, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who really would not want to be with me on their own accord. I really do hate feeling like this, I need to accept this is over. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Cheers Seven, I think deep down we know its over but fail to move on, I’ll rephrase that we fail to accept. So with your experience Seven (anyone) would you recommend I ignore her, she knows already I want to only be romantic with her. I said to her Tuesday if either of us meet anyone then it would be unfair to stay in contact, she then said she wouldn’t like that... My previous partner came back after 3 months wanting to get back together, I then moved on met someone who I really liked...really liked but I decided to get back with ex (bad move) it turned out the same... I dont want to do the same thing this time in case she does regret. So seven, when did you separate? It’s hard to do the right thing when you are emotionally involved. But the right thing to do is walk away and never look back. Unless you did something to cause her to leave, and change your behavior, things will end up the same again. For me, she left June of 2016. For 3 months I tried to work it out with her but apparently everything I was doing was what she wanted all along which was a bad thing for some reason. All I did to cause her to leave was give her alone time rather then prying to find the underlying issue when she said “nothing is wrong”. I’ve learned that women often don’t share the problem easily and feel you don’t care if you don’t pry and get to the bottom of it. Now I know. The sad thing is I’ve never connected with someone like that in my life and I don’t think I will again which is why I tried so hard to get her back. It was all a waste. Now if a girl says it’s over, I say “Ok, good luck” and disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chewbacca1974 Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 Thanks for sharing, it helped me in a way of thinking maybe I’m wasting my time. If I done anything to cause the breakup then I would certainly understand but I never which makes me more confused of the reasons. The only reason I have is she wants her “me” time... as mentioned above it’s a reason and that’s enough. Time to move on I think...... Although my problem is letting go! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts