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Am I just weak?

N2017

By N2017,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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N2017

N2017

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I've written on here a long time ago for advice. I had been dealing with a guy for a few months that is obviously just a player and was after me for sex. He lied making it seem like I meant more to him than that, but when push came to shove, he didn't give a crap and bailed when I didn't want to sleep with him. Being an already too emotional person and this the first time I had felt strongly about a guy and gotten close to I didn't handle it well and kept letting him back into my life only to fight and spend a few days not talking and then start the cycle all over again.

 

The last time I "spoke" (more like texted) to him, he crossed the line and said some very offensive things. I decided I really needed to spend time completely separated from him-- no contact whatsoever. I needed to regain my sense and get back to how I used to be when I didn't tolerate crap from guys. It's been I believe exactly a month now that I have not talked to him but I've gotten message and friend requests from him that I've ignored.

 

Has this ever happened to anyone where they're dealing with a douche but still have lingering feelings that won't go away? I'm not planning on acting on them but I'm frustrating myself because I keep feeling sorry for the jerk. Any advice and insight greatly appreciated, be as candid as you like.

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Fair

Fair

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It's not uncommon to have feelings with those we know are wrong for us... I wouldn't beat myself up over it. But you're doing the right thing by no contact. Keep it up and eventually you'll get over it. It's inevitable.

 

But block him from contacting you on social media or it'll make it harder to do. You might even give in and answer back and then live to regret it.

 

Good luck. There are better ones out there. :)

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Been

Been

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Yes it happens. I did the something. Met a woman in where every red flag went up and ignored it. Broke up I can't tell you how many times- keep in mind she was cheating/lying the whole time.

Kept taking her back only to have her break up until the last time. I had just had enough I think and was TIRED of the back and forth even though in the past I had tolerated it. And I can't tell you why all the sudden it just happened. I just remember looking at her and thinking all of the sudden I'm DONE with her. And I wasn't even mad.

I wanna say maybe I finally had the closure I needed?

But I also think at first the problem with moving on was it was so intense.

When it was good it was awesome. When it was bad it was the worst ever so I got used to that- the all or nothing. The trying to get the better of her or trying to one up her- of something always going on.

Maybe that's what your caught up in- the drama?

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Beachead

Beachead

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I've written on here a long time ago for advice. I had been dealing with a guy for a few months that is obviously just a player and was after me for sex. He lied making it seem like I meant more to him than that, but when push came to shove, he didn't give a crap and bailed when I didn't want to sleep with him. Being an already too emotional person and this the first time I had felt strongly about a guy and gotten close to I didn't handle it well and kept letting him back into my life only to fight and spend a few days not talking and then start the cycle all over again.

 

The last time I "spoke" (more like texted) to him, he crossed the line and said some very offensive things. I decided I really needed to spend time completely separated from him-- no contact whatsoever. I needed to regain my sense and get back to how I used to be when I didn't tolerate crap from guys. It's been I believe exactly a month now that I have not talked to him but I've gotten message and friend requests from him that I've ignored.

 

Has this ever happened to anyone where they're dealing with a douche but still have lingering feelings that won't go away? I'm not planning on acting on them but I'm frustrating myself because I keep feeling sorry for the jerk. Any advice and insight greatly appreciated, be as candid as you like.

 

It's very normal OP.

 

Matter of fact, it pretty much sounds like the story of my life. My recent ex wasn't over her ex and basically used me as a way to teach him what life would be like without her. Needless to say, he got the message, she got the job done, and I was left like a piece of trash. A lot of the relationship was her comparing him to me, complaining about him, being miserable over it. She was a good person and we shared a lot of good times together but she wasn't over him. It also didn't help that he was still very much in the picture trying to win her back. I was patient at first but over time, it started to wear on me. She made me feel like I had to be okay with all the crap she was putting me through or she would leave. That wasn't a relationship I wanted to be in. Like you, I didn't handle things too well. I had been burned in the past and had really lost my ability to tolerate emotional stress. It turned out my patience was really the only thing holding us together by the end of it because once I lost it, we ended shortly afterwards. 2 days later she was back with her ex and I haven't heard from her in over 2 months. So yea..I was used. But I miss her and still wish she'd come back despite it. So I get it and no you're not weak for feeling this way.

 

You're doing the best thing by remaining in No Contact. Block him off of social media and perhaps his number as well and keep focusing on yourself. The healing will taking a lot of time so be patient and understanding with yourself. Don't let anyone try to rush you. Also use Loveshack as an outlet, talk to one or two trusted friends. Perhaps even try a therapist if needed. I've done all of this so I can vouch that it does help you heal.

 

Goodluck OP

Edited by Beachead
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Fever of love

Fever of love

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It's very normal OP.

 

Matter of fact, it pretty much sounds like the story of my life. My recent ex wasn't over her ex and basically used me as a way to teach him what life would be like without her. Needless to say, he got the message, she got the job done, and I was left like a piece of trash. A lot of the relationship was her comparing him to me, complaining about him, being miserable over it.

 

We seem to see this story a lot on LS, Beached and OP, and although we're on this board sharing our heartache and journey to recovery, I see myself as being in the opposing 'team' to yourself.

 

You see in my case I would be what you describe as 'the ex', while you would be the 'rebound.' I was with my gf for 22 years, and she was with someone else 4 weeks later, nearly 6 months ago. So your story, Beached, and all the dozens like it on LS, give me some kind of (unwanted) hope that exes often do dump rebounds and return to the primary relationship.

 

That's not to minimize our shared pain- I'm sure it hurts the same way from either side of the coin, but nevertheless returning to LTR exes seems to be a pretty common dynamic.

 

Not that I personally would even take mine back now (...), just an observation. How long were you with your ex, Beached, before he/she dumped you for their ex?

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Downanddown

Downanddown

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Figured I'd share my story here since my ex went back to her ex but the catch is we were together for 6 years lol.

 

She would bring him up in fights. Mention good things/bad things etc.. it was annoying and a major red flag. Although 6 years is a long time and I'm sure at point she truly loved me the fact of her going back was inevitable and was going to happen at sometime point. Oh and I was ring shopping too.

 

Keep no contact OP. Best advice you will get here forsure. Disappear and things will start to get better. Time is on your side!

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Beachead

Beachead

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We seem to see this story a lot on LS, Beached and OP, and although we're on this board sharing our heartache and journey to recovery, I see myself as being in the opposing 'team' to yourself.

 

You see in my case I would be what you describe as 'the ex', while you would be the 'rebound.' I was with my gf for 22 years, and she was with someone else 4 weeks later, nearly 6 months ago. So your story, Beached, and all the dozens like it on LS, give me some kind of (unwanted) hope that exes often do dump rebounds and return to the primary relationship.

 

That's not to minimize our shared pain- I'm sure it hurts the same way from either side of the coin, but nevertheless returning to LTR exes seems to be a pretty common dynamic.

 

Not that I personally would even take mine back now (...), just an observation. How long were you with your ex, Beached, before he/she dumped you for their ex?

 

My relationship with her wasn't long. 3 months. I could go into details about all the good she did and the sweet things she said but it's all fluff and "In the moment" feelings and none of it matters anymore.

 

What were her reasons for the breakup? Who ended it? What was it like in the final year before she left? I could shed some light on the situation for you.

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Beachead

Beachead

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@beachead, I've read your posts. You have great advice.

 

Care to shed some light on my story? ☺

 

Sure thing. I don't want hijack OP's thread so just shoot me a private message and I'll see if I can be of some help to you.

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Beachead

Beachead

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Thanks.

 

Sorry OP. Don't want to hijack it either but how do you private message? Do you need a certain amount of posts?

 

Hmm, I don't think so.

 

There's a Tab up on the top left called "My Profile/CP." Click on it. Under "Settings and Options" click on "Edit Options" and you'll see an option to enable private messaging. Give that a try.

 

If you don't see anything, no worries. Start up a new thread with some details or link me to a previous one that you had made regarding your situation and I'll give it a look. :)

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