Author edgygirl Posted December 14, 2017 Author Posted December 14, 2017 LOL That's great, you're close in age to him, so I'm even more thankful you posted - your thoughts made sense 51... That's 357 in dog years.
Space Ritual Posted December 14, 2017 Posted December 14, 2017 As a guy in his 50's who regularly dates women in their 20's and 30's, perhaps all I can lend to your discussion is the reason I am still able to do it is because I make everything as causal as possible. My reasoning over the last 20 years or so is that the initial flood of confidence is usually tempered by the realization that eventually there will be some guy who comes along that will be better looking, have more money or a bigger dick. So I usually allow these things to run their natural course and walk away when it is prudent. There are many men like me, but when we get into our middle age we tend to find ourselves in 2 camps. One, where we are desperate to find someone or Two, where we are just happy we still have some looks and appeal and ride it for all it's worth and get out while the getting is good. I fall into the latter. I think the guy you are dating right now is inhabiting both camps. He wants to be respectful and take it slow in the event something more concrete does develop, but he is not betting the farm on it and wants to have some control over his own situation when and if he feels the need to bail. One thing is fairly certain: With the Holidays fast approaching you will get a definitive answer one way or the other in a short time. Emotions tend to run very high in everyone this time of year and I would not be surprised if he has cast his lot one way or the other by the end of the year. 1
Chilli Posted December 14, 2017 Posted December 14, 2017 (edited) It's nothing to do with age ,lm older but l'd be jumping on you much sooner than that you'd know all about it.lf that's what l wanted. It's either just his way or the way he wants this right now anyway and that could be a 100 reasons, or somethings missing for him so he's just not interested enough to go any faster or further. Edited December 14, 2017 by Chilli
Author edgygirl Posted December 16, 2017 Author Posted December 16, 2017 Thanks. What you said makes sense. I feel he was kinda giving up on finding someone. He keeps saying his mom lost hope already. And you're also right that he's in between both camps, despite always booking the next date before the one we're in ends. He doesn't seem desperate in the least. I like that he didn't try to get in my pants like everyone else right away. But man... I'm starting to get uneasy now. If he doesn't try something before the year ends, I might start thinking there's something wrong There are many men like me, but when we get into our middle age we tend to find ourselves in 2 camps. One, where we are desperate to find someone or Two, where we are just happy we still have some looks and appeal and ride it for all it's worth and get out while the getting is good. I fall into the latter. I think the guy you are dating right now is inhabiting both camps. He wants to be respectful and take it slow in the event something more concrete does develop, but he is not betting the farm on it and wants to have some control over his own situation when and if he feels the need to bail.
Author edgygirl Posted December 16, 2017 Author Posted December 16, 2017 Well if he wasn't interested I don't think he'd be always booking the next date before the one we're in ends. Or contacting me every single day in the last month. Still... it's starting to get suspicious. It's nothing to do with age ,lm older but l'd be jumping on you much sooner than that you'd know all about it.lf that's what l wanted. It's either just his way or the way he wants this right now anyway and that could be a 100 reasons, or somethings missing for him so he's just not interested enough to go any faster or further.
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2017 Posted December 16, 2017 I feel he is being respectful....and much more indicative of a serious relationship goal with you...its the mark of a man........deb 1
Author edgygirl Posted December 16, 2017 Author Posted December 16, 2017 Thanks deb. Your intuition is usually right I feel he is being respectful....and much more indicative of a serious relationship goal with you...its the mark of a man........deb
Lphan301 Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 I read your problem with this gentlemen in his late 40’s.. I was in the same shoe as you. We had intense chemistry, we held hands and kiss here and there. But when it came to sex, he wanted to wait and take it slow. At first, I thought he was respectful like everyone else here telling you. But too be honest, he was actually insecure about his performance. Because right about 5 weeks, we had sex. He was the most selfish lover I ever had. It was horrible. Looking back, I think there was red flags with some of the things he mentioned. But I sorta overlooked it.. I remembered, he mentioned something like girls would disappeared after they had sex with him and he didn’t understand why. But I figured, he met them online so it can be anything. I stop seeing him after my 2nd attempt of giving him the benefit of the doubt. He left me sexually frustrated both time. You can read my thread if you like. I hope this is not the case for you but it sounded too familiar on my end. Thought I shared it with you. 1
greymatter Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Thanks. If you were 10 years younger than him I could see him shying a little bit, but it sounds like he just might truly be respecting you. FWIW, I have a 90 day rule with any woman I see a possible future with. If it's just a fun fling that rule goes out the window, but if I see a possible future, I'll wait 90 days before sleeping with her as a way to show her that I see a possible future... This is interesting, FL, but I have to say as a woman that if I were interested in an LTR with someone who made it clear this was his rule, I wouldn't like the arbitrary nature of it, or feel that that holding off of sex for 90 days would make me feel like "he sees a future with me." This isn't the 1950s and sex is a really important part of a relationship for me. I would want the decision of when to begin having sex with someone to be a mutual decision that arises out of the wish to be with each other, and not based on the calendar. 2
SunnyWeather Posted December 17, 2017 Posted December 17, 2017 Others have said this but I'll highlight it here: You haven't said anything about chemistry, do you feel it? If so, to what degree? Are there prolonged periods of direct eye contact? I'd be concerned by the lack of displays of affection after going out with someone for that long. It doesn't mean it has to escalate to sex if you both want to wait, but not having that insatiable pull toward each other would be concerning. Does he show emotion? Are you comfortable showing emotion yet?
Author edgygirl Posted December 17, 2017 Author Posted December 17, 2017 Thanks for sharing, Lphan. That's certainly one of my fears! I will look up your thread.
Author edgygirl Posted December 17, 2017 Author Posted December 17, 2017 SunnyWeather, I'm not completely sure on the romantic chemistry to be honest. We have good intellectual chemistry, we "get" each other. I think because he doesn't touch me so much and there's no french kissing in each date, my ability to feel romantic chemistry is impaired. And honestly I am losing a bit of enthusiasm. Yesterday he got a flu so we did not meet. He wanted to meet today instead but for the first time I don't even feel like meeting. If I am honest, as he commented I seemed aloof in the beginning, (he's prob right as I was trying to determine if I was into him), it might be that he's waiting for a strong green light from me now. Unfortunately all this is making me less pulled to him. He said a few times that he "can be very affectionate" - maybe he realizes he's not being affectionate towards me physically. No, I am not that comfy showing emotion either, as he is not doing it physically. I have to say this is a really weird situation I never been in. I think I will just open up when we talk next, saying it feels more like a friendship than romantic connection.
Author edgygirl Posted December 18, 2017 Author Posted December 18, 2017 We talked about it. I asked if he sees us more like a romantic of friendship compatibility. He asked me to explain and I said there's little physical affection, or kissing. He said a few things: 1. that on first date we went wild (kissing etc), but then it seemed like I thought it was too fast so he "was just hanging" - whatever that means. 2. that I didn't give him a good opportunity; 3. that I keep complaining on dates about things I dislike about him (politically he bashes a certain religion which upsets me quite a bit, and he's a picky eater which makes it hard to enjoy dinners). I told him those are the only things I dislike about him... Ok. At least now he knows I need more physical affection. Let's see how it goes. And I will try to get over my complaints about him too.
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