She cancelled, now what?

[GemmaUK]

PS. Just because she cancelled and disappeared DOES NOT mean there was someone else. You need to get that insecurity out of your head thinking some “other guy” is always coming in and swooping the women away.

 

Sometimes people just lose interest. Especially where OLD is concerned.

 

This one fell flat when he said 'I don't drink and I don't like clubs' - but that only came out in the thread a lot later - in his last post.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Usually if someone cancels w/a lame excuse, I don't even try again. What had happened to me is that quite a few times is the guys flake again. One time a guy cancelled the date last minute and he ended up rushing our "make up" date because he made plans w/friends. Absolute waste of time.

[Miss Spider]

Ok so I set a Tinder date up for this evening (Wed) and all was well, I made sure not to over communicate with her and suchlike. All was well, now this afternoon she cancels because she has a project to complete, never mind she told me she was on holiday.

 

 

Great I say, lets reschedule to Friday, her response "well I will have to think about it".

 

 

Do I

 

 

1: Just walk away from this, I am highly inclined to do so because on the lack of enthusiasm.

2: Bend over backwards to accommodate a postponement?

 

 

You haven't met yet, so I think it would be ok to give leeway if she hadn't been so rude."I will have to think about it" is rude and saying your time doesn't matter, only hers. Don't want to date someone like that anyway.

 

Next!! =)

[Jdoublenn]

This one fell flat when he said 'I don't drink and I don't like clubs' - but that only came out in the thread a lot later - in his last post.

 

I just caught up on many of his old threads. I definitely stick by my advice lol. But it’s nice to get a better “feel” for someone’s background ya know.

 

I mean no offense, ZA. I hope you’re ok with that

[ZA Dater]

You have been hankering for K for years.

If you don't mentally move on how do you expect to be ready to date?

Do you expect a new woman you meet to just put up with the fact you're in (unrequited) love with K and have her on a pedestal and be OK with that?

 

Saying you are expressionless was not an insult. That was a critique of something they had noticed about you after observing you.

If you are expressionless or the only other expression you have on a date or when meeting people is a smile you will look like you are not a person someone can engage with.

Did you ever go back and ask K or more importantly the couple who set you up with her what it was that put her off you, the advice given in your first thread? Maybe you should.

 

As far as this lady goes, you have said loads of times you'd compromise on partying, sounds like she wasn't going to be around for long anyway, you could have given it a shot just for a few weeks.

 

I think you would be surprised at the amount of people who dated or had sex with people just to get experience.

You can put me down as one who has.

 

 

 

I think one thing needs to be made clear, I know I am not going to get anywhere with her but I do enjoy being friends with her, what this has done is allow me to open up a bit, I learn things and generally enjoy spending time with her and she takes an interest in me which nobody else has ever bothered to do.

 

 

Nothing I can convey in words can possibly describe how unattractive to me most of the people are who I match with are. If that's honestly the best I can do, then yes I'd rather have nothing.

 

 

People say I shouldn't worry about the competition, the truth is I have lost out on anyone I ever liked to some other guy so yes when suddenly warm becomes cold I know something apparently more fun and better has come up. Its basic logic.

 

 

You are right maybe I don't look like someone to engage with, sucks to be me in that case, guess some are luckier than others.

 

 

Bottom line is its probably wholly unacceptable to be inexperienced at 33/34 so I guess I'll keep the status quo because its a heck of a lot better than have to field 100 questions as to why much the same way I need to justify to and every date why I don't drink.

[GemmaUK]

I just caught up on many of his old threads. I definitely stick by my advice lol. But it’s nice to get a better “feel” for someone’s background ya know.

 

I mean no offense, ZA. I hope you’re ok with that

 

I agree with what you said J, that's why I clicked like on your post.

In this case it wasn't that reason at all and was likely down to OP saying what he did but way more than that how he said it.

[GemmaUK]

ZA, women don't date a guy they really like because another guy game along.

They might 'end up' dating someone else weeks or months later.

Women don't date men they don't want to date.

 

It was only a year or two ago when you were dissing the idea of a man needing to look good, hair and clothes wise., you went out and upgraded your image (great!). Even after wards though you still inherently didn't understand the need for it. It's common sense stuff.

 

In my earlier posts I was giving you a newer perspective, something to try out as a new thing for your own growth.

You sounded positive and interested for a brief time and then started generalising and getting negative about everything again.

 

When a person tries something different out they try it as a new mindset, they don't just try it one time - like your one night out the other night where you said you were looking around (for those interested in you I hope) - you got no results, so what? You won't give it a go again?

 

People do actually brighten their facial expression deliberately - I see it dozens of times a day even just at work - and people will say it too and talk about it.

Have you never heard anyone say 'If the wind doesn't change you'll stay looking like that'?.

 

It's just another step towards what you want, along with your image change and no doubt you've grown and altered that also the past couple of years. It's all part of the same thing.

 

Maybe the reason your friend has suggested you toy around with married women or maybe older women is to get experience with women and sexual experience?

Maybe not such a bad idea even but even so, if you were to do that you'd need to learn new things and accept instruction.

It would be a heck of a lot of pressure to put on a girl of your dreams to teach you the basics when as it is with each partner we all have to learn and take instruction on what they like whilst also expressing what we like.

 

I was really hoping you'd have some fun over the holidays with the ideas I'd given you.

Take a few new, different steps to grow just the same as we all do all of the time.

I still hope you take it, roll with it and have some fun along the way.

[ZA Dater]

ZA, women don't date a guy they really like because another guy game along.

They might 'end up' dating someone else weeks or months later.

Women don't date men they don't want to date.

 

It was only a year or two ago when you were dissing the idea of a man needing to look good, hair and clothes wise., you went out and upgraded your image (great!). Even after wards though you still inherently didn't understand the need for it. It's common sense stuff.

 

In my earlier posts I was giving you a newer perspective, something to try out as a new thing for your own growth.

You sounded positive and interested for a brief time and then started generalising and getting negative about everything again.

 

When a person tries something different out they try it as a new mindset, they don't just try it one time - like your one night out the other night where you said you were looking around (for those interested in you I hope) - you got no results, so what? You won't give it a go again?

 

People do actually brighten their facial expression deliberately - I see it dozens of times a day even just at work - and people will say it too and talk about it.

Have you never heard anyone say 'If the wind doesn't change you'll stay looking like that'?.

 

It's just another step towards what you want, along with your image change and no doubt you've grown and altered that also the past couple of years. It's all part of the same thing.

 

Maybe the reason your friend has suggested you toy around with married women or maybe older women is to get experience with women and sexual experience?

Maybe not such a bad idea even but even so, if you were to do that you'd need to learn new things and accept instruction.

It would be a heck of a lot of pressure to put on a girl of your dreams to teach you the basics when as it is with each partner we all have to learn and take instruction on what they like whilst also expressing what we like.

I was really hoping you'd have some fun over the holidays with the ideas I'd given you.

Take a few new, different steps to grow just the same as we all do all of the time.

I still hope you take it, roll with it and have some fun along the way.

 

 

 

I suppose there are numerous reasons people like what they do and like what they like, what those reasons might be is probably a question which cannot be answered without moving in towards the superficial.

 

 

You are right ladies don't date for the sake of it but guys do compete, of that there is not doubt, simplistically it happens all day everywhere.

 

 

I still don't think there was anything wrong with how I looked, I did all the work and the result remains exactly the same so whether you can actually say any of these new looks and styles were successful is a moot point. Had there been a dramatic improvement it would be easy to say it was really worthwhile, the ONLY real improvement I have got from this whole exercise is a friend who exactly accepts me for who I am.

 

 

Its perspective and opportunity cost, the reality is I can expend energy into other areas of life and get a much higher return on that time than I get trying to date and understand how to date. I have dumped the dinner idea on dates and now do water/coffee but find I just don't connect with people at all.

 

 

What I cannot convey here is just how badly I fit in and how horrible this is, there is a reason I sit and work on things and don't go out, its simple I have lots to talk about but nothing of relevance or interest, it is unfortunately who I am, which is why I guess when every so rarely often I do find someone I can get on well with its so nice to have that person around and I over invest.

 

 

The point is nobody should have to teach a 33/34yo things people learnt at 19. That's an inherently unfair thing to place on anyone.

 

 

The reality for me is all I really need is a friend because that's really all I can offer at least I am apparently very good at being that based on the comments from the few very diverse friends I do have.

 

 

I agree, I did try it again this week and had a similar experience, I'll keep rather half heartedly trying it though in the back of my mind I am realistic. I get what you are saying and its very valid but its also extremely difficult to be upbeat about something there doesn't seem to be an upside to.

 

 

Advice is probably one of the most valuable things we as people can give because its based on perspective and to some extent experience. People perceive me as not taking advice on board which isn't true, I do try and smile at people, I do try project confidence even when I don't feel confident at all. What I take out of here cant be overstated, yes I do feel unbelievably down at the moment and these posts probably reflect that, I was genuinely looking forward to meeting this Tinder lady.

 

 

While I am obviously not happy to not have experienced anything I do have an untainted eye so when I go to breakfast or lunch with a girl "friend" its a new experience and because I have never had that before I enjoy it all the more, for many its a stupid thing they have done countless times, for me its something new and nice. It doesn't happen often but when I does I get a sense of how nice things could be on the other side and find some motivation to go back to OLD and the like and try again.

 

 

Deleted my Tinder profile and started again with new pictures, no matches at all.

[ZA Dater]

I'll try get noticed somehow, maybe that's the answer to a lot of this. What might make some feel a bit better is I am slim and athletic but guys I know who aren't in shape completely kill me at the dating game by virtue of personality and charm so looks it appears aren't really that helpful or enough to overcome other "issues".

 

 

There have been a few other matches but nothing that shouts at me "meet me" because the conversation generally doesn't go anywhere.

 

 

What is probably needed is a mind set change on my part. It doesn't help that for the most part the non dating site people I meet have "spoilt" me to a certain standard which perhaps is not representative of what is actually out there.

[GemmaUK]

I posted this and I've made bold the same part which you did when you quoted me:

 

Maybe the reason your friend has suggested you toy around with married women or maybe older women is to get experience with women and sexual experience?

Maybe not such a bad idea even but even so, if you were to do that you'd need to learn new things and accept instruction.

It would be a heck of a lot of pressure to put on a girl of your dreams to teach you the basics when as it is with each partner we all have to learn and take instruction on what they like whilst also expressing what we like.

.

 

You replied with this:

I suppose there are numerous reasons people like what they do and like what they like, what those reasons might be is probably a question which cannot be answered without moving in towards the superficial.

If you were responding to the section you made bold I have to strongly disagree with any talk about this being at all superficial. It's really not at all.

Sexual compatibility, being open to learning how a person likes to be handled is crucial to overall compatibility and healthy relationships.

Unless someone is really lucky or a mind reader there's always things to learn about what a new/newish partner likes, just the same as expressing your own likes and dislikes they will have theirs too.

It can be a quick learn but even so exploration is continual.

Every woman likes different things just the same as every man does.

Humans grow and adapt, communicate, try different things out.

But it's not superficial.

 

I still don't think there was anything wrong with how I looked, I did all the work and the result remains exactly the same so whether you can actually say any of these new looks and styles were successful is a moot point. Had there been a dramatic improvement it would be easy to say it was really worthwhile, the ONLY real improvement I have got from this whole exercise is a friend who exactly accepts me for who I am.

Do you actually like the image change you went through?

Does it make you feel good when you get your monthly/bi-monthly haircut? Do you love wearing your new style?

If you don't (and it sounds like you don't actually) then the new style isn't for you and you would be best asking for advice from someone else (if someone helped you).

You should feel great and sexy in a new look or a few new items.

We all have normal every day clothes but we all also have a great shirt, pair of jeans or a great sweater or top which just makes us feel good and gets compliments too.

If your style isn't working for you find a better style helper!

 

Its perspective and opportunity cost, the reality is I can expend energy into other areas of life and get a much higher return on that time than I get trying to date and understand how to date. I have dumped the dinner idea on dates and now do water/coffee but find I just don't connect with people at all.

But you put more work into you work life don't you. You put less effort into dating and that side of things because your over-riding end result feeling is that it'll fail. It will if you don't work on you a bit though.

Brightening the face, smiling real sincere smiles at anyone (not just the object of your own attraction), passing the time of day in a queue with a bit of a chat.

There was a guy I was behind the queue in just last week - he was 80ish I'd say. He smiled at the young lady on the till and she joked with him the whole time she was serving him and then when he came to go she made a point of wishing him a lovely evening, 'whatever you are doing sir, have a lovely evening and it's always so nice to see you and your smile'.

The young lady is about 20 - she melted me - I do the same kind of thing when I have an opportunity with young and old, male and female. It's about making someone else's day.

I noticed her and him and how they interacted and she served me and I said 'that was so sweet! i'm a total sucker for an older gentleman and I call them 'sir' too!

She said she sees him often and he just always smiles this beautiful smile so she always makes a point to make it special when he comes to her till.

I love that!!

 

What I cannot convey here is just how badly I fit in and how horrible this is, there is a reason I sit and work on things and don't go out, its simple I have lots to talk about but nothing of relevance or interest, it is unfortunately who I am, which is why I guess when every so rarely often I do find someone I can get on well with its so nice to have that person around and I over invest.

Stop making dating work and start making interactions with people your goal - get some confidence via that first.

Right now, it's Christmas - go get some reindeer horns or a Santa hat, tinesl as a scarf and wear it when shopping - you will get smiles - as long as you smile...sincerely where your eyes wrinkle up. You have the Christmas excuse.....

 

I'll try get noticed somehow, maybe that's the answer to a lot of this. What might make some feel a bit better is I am slim and athletic but guys I know who aren't in shape completely kill me at the dating game by virtue of personality and charm so looks it appears aren't really that helpful or enough to overcome other "issues".

 

 

There have been a few other matches but nothing that shouts at me "meet me" because the conversation generally doesn't go anywhere.

 

 

What is probably needed is a mind set change on my part. It doesn't help that for the most part the non dating site people I meet have "spoilt" me to a certain standard which perhaps is not representative of what is actually out there.

 

100%

 

Just give a few things a go ZA.

But give humans of any age. sex a go in that, be friendly, see if they are back - they might not be but most folk are.

We're all human - go out every day - have a few smiles ans make it fun.

 

Get those mirrors set up to check your resting face.

Look out for women looking at you.

 

But, above all, your life will feel so much fuller if you let people into it and make it happen even if it's brief and an old lady you'll never see again - make it happen - you never know she may have a daughter or a grandaughter...

They might be shopping together nest time.

 

Relax into being just a bit more vulnerable and not so 'stuck up', ya know?

OK...I'm running now...I can already feel the bruises my bum is going to have....

[ZA Dater]

I posted this and I've made bold the same part which you did when you quoted me:

 

 

 

You replied with this:

 

If you were responding to the section you made bold I have to strongly disagree with any talk about this being at all superficial. It's really not at all.

Sexual compatibility, being open to learning how a person likes to be handled is crucial to overall compatibility and healthy relationships.

Unless someone is really lucky or a mind reader there's always things to learn about what a new/newish partner likes, just the same as expressing your own likes and dislikes they will have theirs too.

It can be a quick learn but even so exploration is continual.

Every woman likes different things just the same as every man does.

Humans grow and adapt, communicate, try different things out.

But it's not superficial.

 

 

Do you actually like the image change you went through?

Does it make you feel good when you get your monthly/bi-monthly haircut? Do you love wearing your new style?

If you don't (and it sounds like you don't actually) then the new style isn't for you and you would be best asking for advice from someone else (if someone helped you).

You should feel great and sexy in a new look or a few new items.

We all have normal every day clothes but we all also have a great shirt, pair of jeans or a great sweater or top which just makes us feel good and gets compliments too.

If your style isn't working for you find a better style helper!

 

 

But you put more work into you work life don't you. You put less effort into dating and that side of things because your over-riding end result feeling is that it'll fail. It will if you don't work on you a bit though.

Brightening the face, smiling real sincere smiles at anyone (not just the object of your own attraction), passing the time of day in a queue with a bit of a chat.

There was a guy I was behind the queue in just last week - he was 80ish I'd say. He smiled at the young lady on the till and she joked with him the whole time she was serving him and then when he came to go she made a point of wishing him a lovely evening, 'whatever you are doing sir, have a lovely evening and it's always so nice to see you and your smile'.

The young lady is about 20 - she melted me - I do the same kind of thing when I have an opportunity with young and old, male and female. It's about making someone else's day.

I noticed her and him and how they interacted and she served me and I said 'that was so sweet! i'm a total sucker for an older gentleman and I call them 'sir' too!

She said she sees him often and he just always smiles this beautiful smile so she always makes a point to make it special when he comes to her till.

I love that!!

 

 

Stop making dating work and start making interactions with people your goal - get some confidence via that first.

Right now, it's Christmas - go get some reindeer horns or a Santa hat, tinesl as a scarf and wear it when shopping - you will get smiles - as long as you smile...sincerely where your eyes wrinkle up. You have the Christmas excuse.....

 

 

 

100%

 

Just give a few things a go ZA.

But give humans of any age. sex a go in that, be friendly, see if they are back - they might not be but most folk are.

We're all human - go out every day - have a few smiles ans make it fun.

 

Get those mirrors set up to check your resting face.

Look out for women looking at you.

 

But, above all, your life will feel so much fuller if you let people into it and make it happen even if it's brief and an old lady you'll never see again - make it happen - you never know she may have a daughter or a grandaughter...

They might be shopping together nest time.

 

Relax into being just a bit more vulnerable and not so 'stuck up', ya know?

OK...I'm running now...I can already feel the bruises my bum is going to have....

 

 

 

I wasn't going to post this but decided to because you might laugh at it. On Wednesday I was sitting with a few co workers at lunch and this blond walks past and waves, I didn't think much of it because there were other people, albeit not many around and it seemed she was waving specifically at me.

 

 

Yesterday I am sitting with same co workers at a coffee shop and again its fairly quiet but sitting on the balcony at street level I notice this rather nice looking blond, well what she was wearing I couldn't but not notice. After parading around a bit and runs past me and waves, same person from the previous day.

 

 

One thing I am not good at is remembering names and faces so whether this is someone I actually know or have met I cant recall but assuming its someone random....the3 attention was nice.

 

 

To answer the above, sure he look is nice and the style is nice but I wouldn't have done it had I not thought there might be something to be gained from doing it, turns out I wasn't too correct in that, above disregarded.

 

 

Interactions on a business level are perfectly fine for me, its where I do most of my interacting, sure I can talk to random people about random things but it doesn't happen often, probably because of my serious "resting" face.

 

 

Yes, I do put more work into work, purely because I can actually see improvements and the end result can be better. I have never got any real positive end result out of dating, its always just been much of the same and when it goes badly that negativity seeps into everything else I do which is of no benefit at all to me or anyone else.

 

 

My superficial comment was not directed at sex per se it was directed at the entire process of how people end up pairing up. Cynically I sometimes liken it to shopping in some respects.

 

 

Absolutely, nice people do make peoples day but I never seem to run into those or not very often anyway. When I was talking to a friend about this whole saga he mentioned the issue with me is I am too serious and lack any sort of fun aspect, which I guess is spot on, he should know, he has known me half my life! What I do know is most of the couples I know have some sort of "glue" or mutual interest and I think that's another area where I don't really work out that well.

 

 

At the end of the day, I have some days off, will do what I like doing, if I meet someone(unlikely) great, if not well the status quo remains.

[Jdoublenn]

I agree with what you said J, that's why I clicked like on your post.

In this case it wasn't that reason at all and was likely down to OP saying what he did but way more than that how he said it.

Oh totally! I think i was agreeing back with you? tbh I'm not quite sure LOL

[Jdoublenn]

 

 

Yesterday I am sitting with same co workers at a coffee shop and again its fairly quiet but sitting on the balcony at street level I notice this rather nice looking blond, well what she was wearing I couldn't but not notice. After parading around a bit and runs past me and waves, same person from the previous day.

 

 

One thing I am not good at is remembering names and faces so whether this is someone I actually know or have met I cant recall but assuming its someone random....the3 attention was nice..

 

If it happens again call her over and ask how she's doing! Give her your # or ask for hers!

[GemmaUK]

Did you think to ask whether you knew each other or at least wave and smile back?

[ZA Dater]

Did you think to ask whether you knew each other or at least wave and smile back?

 

Can't say I did either of those things. She literally ran past me and waved. Way out of my league so obviously someone I must have met in work related scenario.

[GemmaUK]

Can't say I did either of those things. She literally ran past me and waved. Way out of my league so obviously someone I must have met in work related scenario.

 

Talk about missing a potential opportunity. - two days in a row..

 

Any plans to go back there at the same time?

Even if this is a work contact she clearly remembered you and made a very clear point to say hello - twice. Does that not tell you anything at all?

[ZA Dater]

Talk about missing a potential opportunity. - two days in a row..

 

Any plans to go back there at the same time?

Even if this is a work contact she clearly remembered you and made a very clear point to say hello - twice. Does that not tell you anything at all?

 

 

 

I didn't really see much of an opportunity there. Most probably someone who met me at some point, just cannot recall when or where.

 

 

Saying hello is quite anonymous to me. Sorry but years of cynicism and lack of interest mean I don't really read much into such gestures. Especially when I know that sort of person never finds me attractive.

[ZA Dater]

A good prospect was a Tinder match I had today but she clearly didn't want to talk and un-matched me.

 

 

It probably sounds stupid not seeing someone waving at you as a prospect but I don't really give the best first impression so hoping for something like that to go well is just hoping for the impossible. Most people say I just seem odd when they first meet me so I guess its this vibe which puts everyone off and why I persist with Tinder.

[BarbedFenceRider]

I didn't really see much of an opportunity there. Most probably someone who met me at some point, just cannot recall when or where.

 

 

Saying hello is quite anonymous to me. Sorry but years of cynicism and lack of interest mean I don't really read much into such gestures. Especially when I know that sort of person never finds me attractive.

 

 

Jesus man! With that outlook, no wonder! Please, if not for her, the decent girl thats right next to her is watching...Wave and smile back. Most likely she isn't a tax lawyer, so she won't bite. Its a girl for goodness sakes. Try innocuous conversation with random females when out and about to help boost your confidence. Don't read into anything, just carry on like if it was a guy you were speaking to. ie..Restaurant : "Excuse me, can I grab those napkins there..." etc, etc..

Just small conversation with opposite sex. It will work wonders.

Best of luck, happy holidays.

[ZA Dater]

Jesus man! With that outlook, no wonder! Please, if not for her, the decent girl thats right next to her is watching...Wave and smile back. Most likely she isn't a tax lawyer, so she won't bite. Its a girl for goodness sakes. Try innocuous conversation with random females when out and about to help boost your confidence. Don't read into anything, just carry on like if it was a guy you were speaking to. ie..Restaurant : "Excuse me, can I grab those napkins there..." etc, etc..

Just small conversation with opposite sex. It will work wonders.

Best of luck, happy holidays.

 

 

 

Never the way I have walked through life, I do my thing, they do theirs, cant say I have seen many random guys talking to random girls in shopping malls, those that do, have the looks to do so and probably the charm too.

 

 

I mean this subject of this thread, we chatted on and off for 4 days, all was going well and then it fell apart, like it always does, few months back met up with someone nice, went well, blocked two days later. No success stories here unfortunately.

 

 

Met someone else nice, again blocked with no reason given. So when someone waves at me, its a nothing thing for me because if everything else to do with dating is negative why wouldn't that be to? When its a 10/10 blond waving at me, I just see it for what it is...a wave and nothing more because such a person has choices and I don't rank very high up that list, an introvert, quiet, tall, skinny guy who doesn't drink or get what "fun" means.

[GemmaUK]

Whatever happened between matching and getting blocked will tell you the reason why you got blocked.

What happened this time?

[browzer]

I mean this subject of this thread, we chatted on and off for 4 days, all was going well and then it fell apart, like it always does, few months back met up with someone nice, went well, blocked two days later.

 

Met someone else nice, again blocked with no reason given.

 

You've been dating and experiencing failure after failure for a long time, and like you said, they not only go silent but they take the additional measure of blocking you.

 

There's a common denominater here- and that's you.

 

You're missing something.

 

Something that is really putting off these women.

 

Something that you think is a completely normal thing for you to be doing so you repeat it, over and over without having a clue what it is.

 

Perhaps go into more detail as to exactly what you say and do on these dates especially the last time you see or speak to these women. The answer is in there somewhere. But you need our help to find it.

 

Here's a few things that get guys into trouble early on, perhaps as you read them a light bulb will come on.

 

-Politics, especially in favor or against the current POTUS

-ANY talk of sex or being overly aggressive in a sexual way, too early on, and misreading her signs. If she turns her cheek when you go in for a good night kiss and you pin her against the car with your hard on firmly against her, you're doing it wrong. I read a thread recently written by a girl who was asked by a guy after ONE date to give him a BJ while he recorded it. To him, this was a perfectly reasonable request.

-Unusual history that may be viewed in a negative light, such as recent incarceration

-Weird habits or fetishes or controlling behavior. "I require all my girlfriends to wear pink socks in public" (that's just a random example of course)

-Unemployed, living with parents even though mid 20's or older

-History of domestic abuse or stalker charges, shooting up a local shopping mall with a semi automatic weapon

-Poor personal hygiene. If you can't recall your last shower, or you don't believe in underarm deoderant, or you show up for the date in sweatpants and a stained T shirt, that can be the issue

Edited December 23, 2017 by browzer

[ZA Dater]

You've been dating and experiencing failure after failure for a long time, and like you said, they not only go silent but they take the additional measure of blocking you.

 

There's a common denominater here- and that's you.

 

You're missing something.

 

Something that is really putting off these women.

 

Something that you think is a completely normal thing for you to be doing so you repeat it, over and over without having a clue what it is.

 

Perhaps go into more detail as to exactly what you say and do on these dates especially the last time you see or speak to these women. The answer is in there somewhere. But you need our help to find it.

 

Here's a few things that get guys into trouble early on, perhaps as you read them a light bulb will come on.

 

-Politics, especially in favor or against the current POTUS

-ANY talk of sex or being overly aggressive in a sexual way, too early on, and misreading her signs. If she turns her cheek when you go in for a good night kiss and you pin her against the car with your hard on firmly against her, you're doing it wrong. I read a thread recently written by a girl who was asked by a guy after ONE date to give him a BJ while he recorded it. To him, this was a perfectly reasonable request.

-Unusual history that may be viewed in a negative light, such as recent incarceration

-Weird habits or fetishes or controlling behavior. "I require all my girlfriends to wear pink socks in public" (that's just a random example of course)

-Unemployed, living with parents even though mid 20's or older

-History of domestic abuse or stalker charges, shooting up a local shopping mall with a semi automatic weapon

-Poor personal hygiene. If you can't recall your last shower, or you don't believe in underarm deoderant, or you show up for the date in sweatpants and a stained T shirt, that can be the issue

 

 

 

None of those things to be honest. I just think fundamentally there is something they don't like about me, whatever that is I have no idea barring the fact I wear individuality on my sleeve metaphorically speaking.

 

 

I suppose unusual history in my case would be no dating history at all, perhaps that's enough to put anyone off. Just today I matched with someone, start chatting but within 5 minutes and then I get this famous line "I am looking for friends first", that's all good and well but with nothing in common not sure how we could be friends, friends assumes some common interest or belief.

 

 

The "best" date I had this year was the one who turned up quite tipsy and left even more so, we made arrangements for another date, I kept in contact not overly so and when I asked about the date I was blocked, hardly my fault in my opinion.

 

 

A huge part of me says the off putting things are

: no sense of fun

: serious

: doesn't flirt

: too business like

: doesn't make any moves.

: doesn't smile too much

 

 

Somewhere along the line I just haven't learnt/am not that person and as someone once said "you need to play to what the market wants" and very clearly I am not what the market wants.

 

 

My only goal on a date is to try and get a second one and I haven't ever managed that. Never.

 

 

Granted there have been many, many times where I am glad I didn't get a second date. Maybe half a dozen times I wish I did.

 

 

Everything about me I think is off putting, my interests aren't mainstream at all, I work too much for some, too ambitious for others. Finding that happy balance has been impossible barring perhaps three people where it has worked to lesser or greater degrees but none were interested in me or single.

 

 

I am very observant and its easy to see why some are successful at this and I just don't have those character traits, charming, not really, sense of humour, yes but its dry and most completely miss it and confidence, well I don't have that because the spectre of rejection is always there.

Yes, people don't make eye contact with me and yes I have seen other guys do quite well off random interactions, just this week a friend befriended two tourists by going up to them and starting a conversation, though again he has the gift of charm.

 

 

Perhaps its simply true, we cant all have the things we want.

[GemmaUK]

You've been dating and experiencing failure after failure for a long time, and like you said, they not only go silent but they take the additional measure of blocking you.

 

There's a common denominater here- and that's you.

 

You're missing something.

 

Something that is really putting off these women.

 

Something that you think is a completely normal thing for you to be doing so you repeat it, over and over without having a clue what it is.

 

Perhaps go into more detail as to exactly what you say and do on these dates especially the last time you see or speak to these women. The answer is in there somewhere. But you need our help to find it.

 

Agreed.

What we know so far:

Dress sense and looks is not a issue - assuming photos are a realistic interpretation.

We know that the OP doesn't do small talk and doesn't understand what fun is and he has been called expressionless which I believe was not an insult but an observation.

 

The woman this thread started about OP said dropped contact and OP suspected she found someone better.

What actually happened was OP wrote in a message 'I don't like clubs and I don't like drinking' after summing up she was a party girl.

OP has said he would be open to going clubbing etc but that statement in a message on a dating site is so very blunt and me, I like a drink so I would feel he is thinking I am beneath him for something which is actually pretty normal behaviour. Many people like a drink or two, a few even and we're still just normal folk, we don't fall over, don't get abusive, don't drink to the point of excess.

 

OP also doesn't roll with just being social with anyone on a day to day basis (he said so a few posts back) - at a shop, in a queue - the kind of thing that is spontaneous and really brightens someone's day.

I was in a queue this week and a boy of about 7 said way too loudly to the woman with him 'you have a really long grey hair!'. Me and her glanced at each other, she rolled her eyes, I was giggling already, her boy is giggling like a mischievous beast and backing off as he knows full well he would be in trouble - the fun kind.

I said 'Nooooo! Don't say that about your Mum out loud! You meanie!!

Don't say that in PUBLIC!!!!' and I was laughing she was laughing and she grabbed him and moved him around from behind her to in front and got him in a headlock, he was giggling his head off!

I said to his Mum 'To be honest I could do with a grey hair spotter but I don't have one - but I SO DON'T want your one - he says it all out loud!! Is he always like this?'

Her : Yeah - totally uncontrollable!!!'

Him: Mum, you're old, I'm just HELPING!!'

Her: I'm not old!!

Him: Yes you are your're THIRTY SEVEN!!!!

Me: Good good I am ancient then!!! Merry Christmas you two and young man - be good to your Mum or she.....will kill you....she will give you a slow death by not ever feeding you again.........!!! Lol!

All good fun it was..and a little bond made between a few folk - but a tellable story of strangers and interactions. I bloody well loved it!

 

I don't know if hygiene is an issue with the OP but I am assuming it isn't(?) It could be another thing.

 

He doesn't like many people from the sound of things. He says so.

This won't help in a friendship nor a dating life as people notice when people are like that. It can also hinder business greatly too - but OP seems to do well in business so he obviously manages small talk and expressions etc in that realm.

 

The common denominator is ZA.

 

He doesn't see any need to alter anything for a long or total life changing amount of time - once is enough as a try out - if that fails OP rules it out and always reverts to Tinder or any other dating app/site. He has always said that OLD is pointless as there are no women intelligent or attractive enough for him on there - same line for his 10 years of using OLD/apps.

Possibly a lack of common sense?

[ZA Dater]

Whatever happened between matching and getting blocked will tell you the reason why you got blocked.

What happened this time?

 

 

 

Absolutely nothing at all. All was going well and then block. At the end of the day so what, I simply couldn't care less.

 

 

Friend tries to haul me off to a music festival today "there will be lots of girls there" cool yes there might be but I don't enjoy music festivals and for every nice lady there will be 10 guys all competing and no prizes guessing who will be bottom of the list. Me, by virtue of not drinking among other things.

 

 

I don't feel bad about the apparent "loss of opportunity" because there never was an opportunity to begin with, all I would accomplish going there would be to feel bad about myself because I don't fit in and I'd also feel like the kid outside a locked sweet shop.

 

 

There are much happier ways to spend time than feeling like that!