rduket Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 So here's the cliff notes version of what's been keeping me awake for the last couple of nights... I'm feeling selfish, but also- I don't want to be waisting my time. I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost a year now. She has a young daughter, and doesn't keep in contact with her family. She lived with her baby's daddy's mom and her husband, up until 2 or 3 months ago; although, he, for all I know, doesn't get along all too well with that side of the family. (Ok I know this should have been a red flag, but I can understand her needing help- because she doesn't have anyone else to help her with child care and all.) Anyhow, I know that her past is her past, and I shouldn't expect for her to change her feelings just because I feel weird about the situation. She calls them her family. Which makes me uncomfortable as well. I get along really well with her daughter and she does with me. I can see us becoming a family, but fear that her "family" will be an issue if we continue our relationship. I've only met these people once or twice, and they seem like nice people... but I just feel distant, because it seems like I only get to see my girlfriend 1 or 2 a week- and she spends almost everyday with them- either shopping, having dinner or socializing. I don't really fear that she could be messing around with her ex, because he really is a total loser and she knows it. But when I discuss our future, like maybe her moving to the area where I live, she named one of the reasons why she wouldn't want to move to this location- is because she would be moving away from her "family." Last year she went on a trip with them- and earlier tonight I asked her to go on a trip with me and my parents next year. She said she wouldn't want to go because she thought my parents would not want her to be with us. That kind of mad me a little mad... that is partly why i can't sleep and felt like seeing if my feelings are justifiable. I want to talk to her about this, because I haven't yet. How could I best approach this? Well it's late, hopefully I can get some sleep. Thanks. RD
lostinmymind Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 You need to find out if she sees a future for the two of you. She seems really resistant to make any kind of commitment. Ask her flat out. Communication is key. If you can't communicate this with her and have her respond with understanding and respect for what you feel, then the relationship isn't worth pursuing. Just ask her what she sees in the future for you two. If she says no to the future or that she 'doesn't know', you have to start moving on. That may spark her to really think hard about what she wants. It may take her awhile to realize what she wants, but you need to leave or she will never figure it out. Don't wait for her, if she still wants in on this relationship she will chase you. If she doesn't, then take it as a cue you need to find someone who respects and appreciates you more. Unless of course you are comfortable with this current arrangment, which you don't seem to be. You need to take some kind of action sooner rather than later. All this is way easier said than done (as with just about every piece of advice given on this site). But, I believe it is a basic idea of what you need to do and what is going on. Good luck.
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