I was abusive, now i'm blocked

[browzer]

Stay single, no way you are ready to be in a relationship.

 

[]

Edited December 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[MsJayne]

You're acknowledging that you're abusive and you're acknowledging the damage it's doing in your life, you're halfway there, so don't give up. Smoking weed and drinking heavily are two things that exacerbate depression, anxiety, etc. I have this whacky theory that when people self-medicate with booze and pot, they're blocking out unpleasant emotions, and that stops the mind's natural emotional process of healing and moving forward.

 

I'd have a bet with you that if you could stay straight for three weeks you'd begin to feel the positive effects of a clear mind. The first week would be hell, the second unhappy, the third you'd start to feel OK.

 

You say you get up and get motivated when you're in a relationship, until your jealousy gets in the way and it all turns to crap. That's probably the crux of all your problems, the low self esteem that needs to be propped up by another person. When you do that you're effectively making the other person responsible for your emotions, and that's a huge burden for a partner to carry. It's like having a big baby to look after, and it drags them down and they can't cope, so they turn away.

 

I just recently broke up with someone, (for the 3rd time - eye roll), because he was doing that to me, trying to make me responsible for his emotions and getting verbally abusive. I wasn't having it, and even though I miss him really badly I won't have him back because he won't take responsibility for his behaviour and it's embarrassing and infuriating having a partner who behaves like a 12 year old.

 

So at least you've got that going for you, you've got it in you to face up to your actions. That takes guts, millions of jerks stay a jerk all their life and think it's everyone else, (like my ex, he's 59 years old and at that age it's doubtful he'll ever grow up and stop slamming down the jerk pills).

Get rid of the gun. Seriously X

Edited December 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[MsJayne]

I called her again, i was so drunk. She asked me to no contact her, i threatened with uploading her nudes to internet. I deleted every nude so i can't do it but i threatened anyway. Today her father called me, they are going to sue me

 

Have a good think about this. You can not possibly love her, and never really did, if you could do that to her. Love isn't cruel or malicious. Think what you would have done to guy who did that to her while you were together. Don't be that guy. Stop using abuse to stay connected to her, you're just making the problem bigger.

[William]

Members, let's stay focused on the topic and refrain from using inflammatory or condescending language and particularly describing the thread starter with such. One member moderated and a few posts deleted and/or edited.

 

This topic starter is apparently going through a difficult time so let's keep that in mind. Thanks!

[GoreSP]

Any advice?

 

P.S I've been abusive in ALL my relationships. At the start i'm a good boyfriend but when things go wrong i transform myself and become abusive.

 

Fix this before getting into a relationship again.

[amaysngrace]

I'd back way off if I were you. You don't want to end up in trouble with the law over a girl, do you?

 

That record will follow you your whole entire life.

 

So not worth it.

[RecentChange]

Please please please please PLEASE get rid of the gun.

 

Store it with a friend - something, but get it out of your possession. That gun being in your home has made exponentially more likely that you will die from a bullet from it - or worse, hurt someone with it given your unstable mental state.

 

Now - you and her? You two never had a healthy relationship and never will. She has issues, she has been with multiple abusers now - that's because she chooses abusers, and abusers choose her.

 

And you - these things you have done to her - completely unexcusable and not an act of love - but rather selfishness and abuse on your part. You relationship was about co-dependancy and not anything healthy.

 

Until you love yourself, until you work on your mental health, you can never love another properly. You are not fit for a relationship at the moment.

 

Invest in yourself. Put the hard work that is needed to fix the holes so you can love yourself. You are worth it, and once you do - you will have something to offer a partner.

 

Until then? You are just looking for someone to fill your voids. To love you because you don't. To make you whole because you aren't. To make you successful because you think without someone else you won't be.

 

That's not a partner, that's a user. Someone you love deserves better. A better partner, a complete person, someone who truly loves themselves so that they can give love, and accept love.

 

There are few things more hurtful than loving someone that doesn't love themselves.

 

So, work on YOU. Quit abusing her, leave her alone - her father will ruin your life and rightly so if you keep trying to hurt her. Just STOP with that.

Edited December 13, 2017 by RecentChange

[tomyy]

Update: She has a new boyfriend. I know him from college but I always thought he was gay. She literally says to the whole world she is in love with him and she wants to start a relationship with him despite she met him a month ago...Maybe he is a rebound maybe it's true love who knows ?

 

I decided to quit contacting her. I don't think they will sue me if I quit contacting her, but they'll surely do it if I keep trying.

 

She sent me a text asking me to never contact her again after I threatened her. I answered agreeing with that, wishing her luck with this new guy. I thanked her for all the love she gave me, I dedicated her a last song and asked her that if someday she wants to talk again I will be willing to reconnect if I'm single by that time. I apologized for threatening her, too.

 

I got not answer. My therapist called my father yesterday because he thought I could go suicidal. Also, he wants for me to go with a psychiatrist.

 

I didn't drink nor smoked weed today. I feel bad but I feel clousere also. I won't be in a relationship untill I fix my own issues and I will focus in myself the following months

Edited December 14, 2017 by tomyy

[Jdoublenn]

 

I didn't drink nor smoked weed today. I feel bad but I feel clousere also. I won't be in a relationship untill I fix my own issues and I will focus in myself the following months

 

Good for you. Take it day by day and just focus on being healthier. Get yourself straight before anything else!

[healing light]

I'm going to tell you to look up a weird technique on YouTube that will make no sense in terms of how it works--but it works really, really well for trauma and emotional beliefs/baggage that are destructive. It's called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and involves tapping on specific parts of the body while thinking about emotional blockages and negative childhood memories. It will feel really foreign and odd when you first do it, but with any luck it will help you unlock some of the suppressed emotions and process them so they don't continue to pester you and sabotage your relationships. It takes all of about 3-5 minutes to learn, and you can apply it repeatedly in the privacy of your own home when you are not able to get in touch with your therapist.

 

The crux to your situation is being able to address the beliefs that are behind your addiction to people, substances, and things. Being able to process and subconsciously clean out the negative beliefs that are causing impulsive behaviors and self-sabotage patterns in your life. This technique has really helped me in my personal life in letting go of a lot of traumatic memories and beliefs (I also grew up in an abusive environment), and I believe it's responsible for a lot of the positive changes in my life this year.

 

So, if I were you, I would tap on your most traumatic memories and most destructive beliefs. Beliefs like:

 

I am not enough.

I am nothing without a partner.

No one loves me.

Etc.

 

I would tap on your earliest memories of abuse. Those usually are interconnected like a house of cards with other bad memories in your subconscious, and when you address one, it helps the rest of the dominoes to fall.

 

Since you've felt suicidal and you have a gun and your therapist doesn't know how to help you, you have nothing to lose in trying this. Even if you feel stupid or silly or can't explain why it would help at first.

 

Another technique that you can do that seems really simple and pointless is to take the predominant emotion that you're feeling and to ridddeee it out. Spend half a day in a room by yourself if that's how long it takes you, and just allow the emotion. Without judging it, without blaming it, without self talk if you can avoid it. Allow it. Allow the tears, allow the rage, allow whatever it is to come up without trying to do anything about it.

 

Often times addictions are coping mechanisms to escape painful emotions. When you sit with the emotion and you allow it without judging it or yourself, it gives you the opportunity to process it, to fully feel it, and to let it go. Rather than fighting with it, suppressing it, or trying to negotiate with it--those are the things that keep us locked into negative patterns and keep us from moving on. Unprocessed emotions do not just sit idly by--they either rise to the surface and boil over in self-sabotaging behaviors or they become a part of our physiology and can get locked up in our bodies, taxing our emotional and physical health.

 

You are worth taking the time out to address these emotions. You deserve to be free of them.

 

Please dispose of your gun, return it, do whatever you need to do so that it is not immediately accessible when you're in a depressive state.

 

Best of luck.

[Michelle ma Belle]

The only way you have a snowball's chance in hell at getting better is sticking with professional help. Your therapist sounds competent and invested in you which is a great thing. I would do whatever he says at this point.

 

The only thing about therapy, regardless of what kind you get, it's only as good as the work YOU put in once you leave the office. Even the most acclaimed therapist cannot 'fix' you or tell you what to do or stop you from doing something. YOU and only you can do that. That's where the hard work begins.

 

I think it's really telling that you hear your therapist in your head when you're about to do something bad or stupid. That tells me that, for the most part, you're listening to him, trust him and taking in what he says during your sessions. I have experienced the very same thing as well and it's been a defining moment in my life and my healing.

 

Since your father was abusive which constitutes as childhood trauma, you might ask your therapist about EMDR treatment. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment of trauma and many other mental health problems. It's proven to have helped millions of people of all ages relieve many types of psychological stress that ultimately impacts their daily lives many years later.

 

Not sure if your therapist is trained in this field or knows someone he can refer you. I would ask him about it and see what he says. I've used it to deal with my past trauma and I can testify that it has indeed helped.

 

Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

Update: She has a new boyfriend. I know him from college but I always thought he was gay. She literally says to the whole world she is in love with him and she wants to start a relationship with him despite she met him a month ago...Maybe he is a rebound maybe it's true love who knows ?

 

I decided to quit contacting her. I don't think they will sue me if I quit contacting her, but they'll surely do it if I keep trying.

 

She sent me a text asking me to never contact her again after I threatened her. I answered agreeing with that, wishing her luck with this new guy. I thanked her for all the love she gave me, I dedicated her a last song and asked her that if someday she wants to talk again I will be willing to reconnect if I'm single by that time. I apologized for threatening her, too.

 

I got not answer. My therapist called my father yesterday because he thought I could go suicidal. Also, he wants for me to go with a psychiatrist.

 

I didn't drink nor smoked weed today. I feel bad but I feel clousere also. I won't be in a relationship untill I fix my own issues and I will focus in myself the following months

 

This is exactly what you should do. If you keep contacting her, the family won't sue you but they may press charges against you.

 

Does your therapist know you have a gun? Have you gotten rid of it yet? Since your father is involved with you, give the gun to him.

 

The next time you are feel desperate, out of control or want to smoke / drink, call your therapist instead. Talk to this person about committing you for a short period. You are in a very troubled space right now where you are a danger to yourself & others. It won't always be this way if you get the help you need to turn things around. For your dad's sake, take care of yourself.