Chilli Posted December 13, 2017 Posted December 13, 2017 Why can't you reach out? At some point it gets really frustrating when the burden of communicating falls on one person -- often it causes them to question the other person's level of interest and they will usually pull back because they feel the need to guard themselves due to feelings of uncertainty/insecurity. Plus, it's also a turn off when you have to keep chasing someone. I'm not sure why it's so hard for you to just send a text asking how her day is or picking up the phone and actually having a conversation. But rather you sit back and stay passive. and start a thread on loveshack about it
ChatroomHero Posted December 13, 2017 Posted December 13, 2017 No, I've been seeing her (dating, kissing) for over a month. It started with the first meeting and then she started texting me immediately after that. It has been five-six weeks now WITH the entire thing. You understand now? I've seen and dated this girl since late October or something. Seems like all the time you spent posting could have been better spent texting her and getting an actual answer FROM HER instead of making up scenarios in your mind and asking strangers to guess what she might be thinking. If after 5 weeks you can't muster a "hello" to her via text or you are counting up the number of times she initiated a text (from your posts it seems she always initiates much more than you, yet you hold that against her), you are not going to be very successful in this relationship for long. 1
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 13, 2017 Author Posted December 13, 2017 Edited to ask, was your heart badly broken in the past? And does it make you really nervous to put yourself on the line when reaching out? Yeah. My last two girlfriends ended up losing interest in me and those were relationships where I initiated more than the other person. I wasn't obsessed with them or anything, but I was really in love so I just didn't think of it too much. I'd call them once or twice a week, planned dates and was the first one to tell them I loved them. At the time, all my friends said I was the perfect partner/boyfriend and all their girlfriends envied them. Then one started cheating on me and dumped me. The other one got back together with her ex. So there I was, a little confused but mostly mad at myself for showing too much interest. So I started becoming a bit cold but that hasn't worked either. I tried the thin line in between but that didn't even result in any relationships. So I guess it all ****ed up my head and mind and what not and I've actually started BELIEVING that if I want someone to stay with me, I need to find someone who I'm not going to fall in love with. And when this current one stopped initiating I went back to 'cold mode' to protect my heart. Especially now since it's close to Christmas and New Year's Eve. I just don't want to be heartbroken this year, so I guess that's why I haven't texted her.
Mkn1010 Posted December 13, 2017 Posted December 13, 2017 Yeah. My last two girlfriends ended up losing interest in me and those were relationships where I initiated more than the other person. I wasn't obsessed with them or anything, but I was really in love so I just didn't think of it too much. I'd call them once or twice a week, planned dates and was the first one to tell them I loved them. At the time, all my friends said I was the perfect partner/boyfriend and all their girlfriends envied them. Then one started cheating on me and dumped me. The other one got back together with her ex. So there I was, a little confused but mostly mad at myself for showing too much interest. So I started becoming a bit cold but that hasn't worked either. I tried the thin line in between but that didn't even result in any relationships. So I guess it all ****ed up my head and mind and what not and I've actually started BELIEVING that if I want someone to stay with me, I need to find someone who I'm not going to fall in love with. And when this current one stopped initiating I went back to 'cold mode' to protect my heart. Especially now since it's close to Christmas and New Year's Eve. I just don't want to be heartbroken this year, so I guess that's why I haven't texted her. Yeah I can relate, believe me.... hence why in my current situation I've left it up to him to do most of the work. But I know that he will soon get tired of it, so I've started trying to just shoot out a "hey, how have you been" text or something funny we've both mentioned. Even if it seems lame, it lets them know you're thinking about them. And will you really be anymore heart broken than you are right now waiting around, if you shoot out a basic one-line text? I also think that if you've really been dating for 5 weeks and IF she's mature, then you should be able to communicate your fears to her so that she better understands why you're not initiating more. I find this very difficult in my case, but I've made a promise to myself to tell my guy about it next time I see him.
Versacehottie Posted December 13, 2017 Posted December 13, 2017 No, I've been seeing her (dating, kissing) for over a month. It started with the first meeting and then she started texting me immediately after that. It has been five-six weeks now WITH the entire thing. You understand now? I've seen and dated this girl since late October or something. all the more reason that you should feel comfortable getting in touch and definitely take some initiative. You are acting insecure and hiding; it's not attractive ultimately. And don't think she might not realize exactly what your game is: that you are AFRAID to put yourself out there with her, even a little bit, such as a text or a call, so that you let her do it all the time or try to sit back and act as if it isn't something you're excited or proactive about. Again that's the woman role, or hopefully no one's. She will lose interest if she gets a hint of this. People tend to like others wherein their effort PAYS OFF. That the course of their actions and efforts cause an action or effort by you. And simple Pavlov, if you stop providing a response when she pushes the button, then she will stop trying (psych 101). 1
Versacehottie Posted December 13, 2017 Posted December 13, 2017 Yeah. My last two girlfriends ended up losing interest in me and those were relationships where I initiated more than the other person. I wasn't obsessed with them or anything, but I was really in love so I just didn't think of it too much. I'd call them once or twice a week, planned dates and was the first one to tell them I loved them. At the time, all my friends said I was the perfect partner/boyfriend and all their girlfriends envied them. Then one started cheating on me and dumped me. The other one got back together with her ex. So there I was, a little confused but mostly mad at myself for showing too much interest. So I started becoming a bit cold but that hasn't worked either. I tried the thin line in between but that didn't even result in any relationships. So I guess it all ****ed up my head and mind and what not and I've actually started BELIEVING that if I want someone to stay with me, I need to find someone who I'm not going to fall in love with. And when this current one stopped initiating I went back to 'cold mode' to protect my heart. Especially now since it's close to Christmas and New Year's Eve. I just don't want to be heartbroken this year, so I guess that's why I haven't texted her. YOUR actions (or non-actions) are much more likely to bring heartbreak with this one onto you than sending a simple text or phone call would. You sound like you are too anxious or overthinking to be in a good place to date. As said above, you need to risk a little: and an initiating text or call is just that a LITTLE risk, not a great one by any means.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 13, 2017 Posted December 13, 2017 I do hope that by now you have reached out to her, OP. It's past time that you should. Show her you're interested too, or she will get fed up and move on. 1
GemmaUK Posted December 13, 2017 Posted December 13, 2017 I think it's way too late at this stage to contact her. It's all well and good learning from dating experience but someone who brings bitterness from past encounters and as a result piles that upon someone new IMO isn't ready to date. You're not contacting her because your last two dating potentials lost interest. That doesn't seem fair on this new lady to me. 1
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 13, 2017 Author Posted December 13, 2017 Why don't you ask her out on a real date? Texting is not dating. We've been seeing each other regularly and we have a date sort of because she's coming home for Christmas (her family lives where I currently live) and we talked about meeting up again then one of the last times we spoke.
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