Eddie Gonzales Posted December 11, 2017 Share Posted December 11, 2017 Hi guys, So I've been seeing this girl for these past couple of weeks. We've hung out, made out, had heavy petting and stuff, but haven't done the dirty deed yet. During these four-five weeks, she's been texting me FIRST almost every day, about non-sense and all that. She usually called me twice a week. We only saw each other during the weekends because I live two hours away from her. During this whole time, I've initiated convos very rarely, but I didn't need to because she'd always text me first. Three days ago, she was having a party at her place so I was there too. It ended with us being drunk and in bed. We started out making out, then a little more but she stopped me saying she wasn't ready to go all the way. So we just went to sleep. The day after I went back and she texted me asking if I had made it back home etc. We had a short little convo and that was that. Yesterday, I was a bit confused as to why she didn't want to go all the way with me, but figured nothing was wrong and she'd text me in the evening anyways. She didn't. I had a thought cross my mind that last week I'd text her every other day, so I figured that maybe she expected me to text yesterday. But I didn't and figured she must've had a lot of work and that she'd text me today. She didn't. So now I'm worried about what's happening? She's been online on messenger a lot, but she has yet to text. This is weird as it's the first time in over a month where we didn't speak for longer than a day. What's going on???? Can anyone please tell me? My mind is going bananas right now :( Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted December 11, 2017 Share Posted December 11, 2017 (edited) Is there a reason why you can't just text her yourself? OR instead, actually CALL her... Maybe SHE is the one pulling back to see if you will step forward, and she is disappointed that you have not so far.... Edited December 11, 2017 by Imajerk17 8 Link to post Share on other sites
jjgitties Posted December 11, 2017 Share Posted December 11, 2017 Games and mind games... Isn't it such fun? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 11, 2017 Share Posted December 11, 2017 Why can't you reach out? At some point it gets really frustrating when the burden of communicating falls on one person -- often it causes them to question the other person's level of interest and they will usually pull back because they feel the need to guard themselves due to feelings of uncertainty/insecurity. Plus, it's also a turn off when you have to keep chasing someone. I'm not sure why it's so hard for you to just send a text asking how her day is or picking up the phone and actually having a conversation. But rather you sit back and stay passive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 It's best you text her. You can't leave her to take all the initiative. You need to show her that you like her and care about her. Maybe she felt you didn't. Not contacting her after you have been fairly intimate will only confirm her feelings that you don't care. If you like her, get in touch with her and show you are interested in her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) It's best you text her. You can't leave her to take all the initiative. You need to show her that you like her and care about her. Maybe she felt you didn't. Not contacting her after you have been fairly intimate will only confirm her feelings that you don't care. If you like her, get in touch with her and show you are interested in her. Indeed. Many many women wait for the guy to contact them, *especially* after sleeping together. I mean, cripes she made herself vulnerable to you by letting you into your bed. The advice I gave to contact her first (for a change) yourself is valid in general, as we guys should be the ones leading. But this advice goes at least DOUBLE in this situation, where you and she actually slept together (even if you didn't have full-on sex). There is quite the possibility that she is thinking YOU were the one dropping the ball here. Or even that you aren't into her anymore just because she didn't go all the way with you this one time. Edited December 12, 2017 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 12, 2017 Author Share Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) Indeed. Many many women wait for the guy to contact them, *especially* after sleeping together. I mean, cripes she made herself vulnerable to you by letting you into your bed. The advice I gave to contact her first (for a change) yourself is valid in general, as we guys should be the ones leading. But this advice goes at least DOUBLE in this situation, where you and she actually slept together (even if you didn't have full-on sex). There is quite the possibility that she is thinking YOU were the one dropping the ball here. Or even that you aren't into her anymore just because she didn't go all the way with you this one time. I mean it's childish to count who initiated when but last week was like this: Monday: She initiates Tuesday: No text from her, no initiating on my part Wednesday: I initiate Thursday: She initiates Friday: She initiates Saturday: She initiates TWICE Sunday: No text Monday: No text The only reason I didn't text her Sunday was because I had thoughts that she didn't want to go all the way because she's not into me anymore. Maybe just paranoia, but that made me think: "well, I'm not gonna text because if she's interested she'll text me." Edited December 12, 2017 by Eddie Gonzales Link to post Share on other sites
fmfan08 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 I mean it's childish to count who initiated when but last week was like this: Monday: She initiates Tuesday: No text from her, no initiating on my part Wednesday: I initiate Thursday: She initiates Friday: She initiates Saturday: She initiates TWICE Sunday: No text Monday: No text The only reason I didn't text her Sunday was because I had thoughts that she didn't want to go all the way because she's not into me anymore. Maybe just paranoia, but that made me think: "well, I'm not gonna text because if she's interested she'll text me." Maybe she got fed up initiating four times in a row and is waiting for you. Do you have a date set? Why not just initiate and stop playing games by waiting? Having a day or two without contact is fine, but initiate tomorrow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 I think at one month, these sorts of games should be over with at this point. If you want to talk to her, talk to her. That's the only way you'll know if she's interested. TBH though you seem a little too worried about sex, when that should be more natural. If I can pick up on that online, she probably has too. I can understand you want to know if she wants to carry things forward or not, but you seem to rely on her to do most of the work. By now going without touching base, you've proven it to her. If she doesn't reach out, nothing happens, yet you want her to sleep with you. I think this is salvageable, but I'd recommend to drop the games and contact her. But if you are too proud, I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't feel its worth it to stick around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 I mean it's childish to count who initiated when but last week was like this: Monday: She initiates Tuesday: No text from her, no initiating on my part Wednesday: I initiate Thursday: She initiates Friday: She initiates Saturday: She initiates TWICE Sunday: No text Monday: No text The only reason I didn't text her Sunday was because I had thoughts that she didn't want to go all the way because she's not into me anymore. Maybe just paranoia, but that made me think: "well, I'm not gonna text because if she's interested she'll text me." I'm going to point out the obvious: you are taking the woman role. it's gonna backfire on you at some point, which might be right now. After spending the night, you should contact her or not be worried about putting yourself "out there". It's really not that "out there". If YOU like her, man up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sara1989 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 I'm going to point out the obvious: you are taking the woman role. it's gonna backfire on you at some point, which might be right now. After spending the night, you should contact her or not be worried about putting yourself "out there". It's really not that "out there". If YOU like her, man up. Yep he is taking the woman role and she got fed up with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 You've proven to her that you're lazy in relationships. Or at least that's how it would come across to me. She is prepared to do leg work, you're not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 OP, come on, man. Take the bull by the horns and contact her first. You have been letting her do most of the work and now she is probably wondering why she always needs to reach out first. I guarantee you she is getting a little tired of this. You need to pull up your socks or you will miss this boat. Why are you being so lackadaisical about this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 If this is the girl who's still sleeping with her ex, I'm tempted to say she's got other options! He's across the street, you're two hours away. Then, of course, there's the whole issue of you not making any effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 I agree with everyone. YOU can reach out to her. Especially after (reasonably) turning down sex, it's more important for you to reach out and let her know that you want her and like her for more than sex. Stop playing games. If you like her, contact her. You live too far away to lose this momentum, and you are demonstrating you don't care the same for her as she does you with your passive approach. I'm going to tell you that being alone and not getting texts and calls is better than being with someone who blows you off and the only time you have contact and communication is when you do it first. You spend a lot of time sniffing after this guy who is seemingly not interested. You spend a lot of time worrying about if he's into you or not, and you realize at some point that if you don't text or call, it's not going to happen...he's not interested...so you stop. By now it's about three days and I hope you reached out by now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 12, 2017 Author Share Posted December 12, 2017 Thx for all the replies so far. While I have decided to initiate today, I'm still paranoid by the thought that maybe SHE doesn't want to continue, which is why she's not texting. If that's the case, wouldn't it be better to just not text her either? I mean, if I text her and she says that she doesn't want to continue anymore, then I'll be the one who's heartbroken Am I just f_cking overthinking? Are there some girls here who've been through the same thing with a guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Thx for all the replies so far. While I have decided to initiate today, I'm still paranoid by the thought that maybe SHE doesn't want to continue, which is why she's not texting. If that's the case, wouldn't it be better to just not text her either? I mean, if I text her and she says that she doesn't want to continue anymore, then I'll be the one who's heartbroken Am I just f_cking overthinking? Are there some girls here who've been through the same thing with a guy? You sound very insecure and anxious. You can't enter the dating scene when you're a ball of nerves and constantly overthinking. She is not texting because you present NO initiative. You want to sit there and hide? Dating is a risk. Two weeks in an you are all over the place -- what happens when this goes further? Why will you be "heartbroken" after two weeks of dating someone? That's too much emotional investment -- you need to check into why you magnify and attach to such extremes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 12, 2017 Author Share Posted December 12, 2017 You sound very insecure and anxious. You can't enter the dating scene when you're a ball of nerves and constantly overthinking. She is not texting because you present NO initiative. You want to sit there and hide? Dating is a risk. Two weeks in an you are all over the place -- what happens when this goes further? Why will you be "heartbroken" after two weeks of dating someone? That's too much emotional investment -- you need to check into why you magnify and attach to such extremes. And you need to re-read this entire thread. We've been seeing each other for over 5 weeks, not two weeks. It's over a month now. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) Hi guys, So I've been seeing this girl for these past couple of weeks. We've hung out, made out, had heavy petting and stuff, but haven't done the dirty deed yet. You stated that you started seeing her these past couple of weeks. The two weeks before you met her, you noted was her texting you first about "non-sense and all that". Doesn't sound like it was very significant to cause such angst then. Again, too much emotional investment over a two week period of physical interaction to the point of you retreating in fear of being heartbroken. Edited December 12, 2017 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 If nothing ever comes of this......people can have a change of heart and lose interest. Been there done that. When I was your age, I would get excited about a guy for about two weeks, but after the making out, something would just click and I lost interest...got too serious too fast maybe? saw that his feelings were too much too fast? All I know is that I broke a lot of hearts. I think I just enjoyed the chase, and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted December 12, 2017 Author Share Posted December 12, 2017 You stated that you started seeing her these past couple of weeks. The two weeks before you met her, you noted was her texting you first about "non-sense and all that". Doesn't sound like it was very significant to cause such angst then. Again, too much emotional investment over a two week period of physical interaction to the point of you retreating in fear of being heartbroken. No, I've been seeing her (dating, kissing) for over a month. It started with the first meeting and then she started texting me immediately after that. It has been five-six weeks now WITH the entire thing. You understand now? I've seen and dated this girl since late October or something. Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 If nothing ever comes of this......people can have a change of heart and lose interest. Been there done that. When I was your age, I would get excited about a guy for about two weeks, but after the making out, something would just click and I lost interest...got too serious too fast maybe? saw that his feelings were too much too fast? All I know is that I broke a lot of hearts. I think I just enjoyed the chase, and nothing more. Probably because deep down, you didn't want anything serious at the time and/or those guys weren't right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) No, I've been seeing her (dating, kissing) for over a month. It started with the first meeting and then she started texting me immediately after that. It has been five-six weeks now WITH the entire thing. You understand now? I've seen and dated this girl since late October or something. Who knows what your timeline is at this point. In any case, you can't place most of the responsibility of communication on the other person and then wonder why they're not contacting you. At some point the other person will get bored, lose interest, etc. I stand by you being insecure and anxious. Dating/relationships are a risk. You can't expect to date when you're too afraid to put yourself out there or be vulnerable. No one wants to chase, especially a woman chasing a man. Good luck in your dating efforts. Edited December 12, 2017 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Do you ever plan a date out - and invite her for that date? Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 (edited) Yep, came here to reiterate that haven't initiated enough in my view. I would have totally bailed as a woman, particularly if you weren't reaching out after we slept in the same bed. My perception would be that you are not happy about not getting sex and that YOU are now walking away because that's what you were after all along! I'd definitely pull back at that point. Just for a comparison, the guy I'm seeing initiated the first 8 dates and texted me first on about a 80/20 ratio. Now that's probably a bit of an extreme case as I like the man to take the lead, but you get the point. IN your case, SHE is initiating MORE convos than you. Edited to ask, was your heart badly broken in the past? And does it make you really nervous to put yourself on the line when reaching out? Edited December 13, 2017 by Mkn1010 Link to post Share on other sites
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