staggerlee71 Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 I have been on LS for a time. I am really interested in the different people who write, and look for advice. I have been loved, been in love, had a plan, lost my plan, expected, stop expecting, studied behavior, studied my own behavior and I find one general theme on this forum. INSTINCT!!. each and every person arrives here because their instinct is serving them well. They feel a certain way, and come here to be convinced of something different. Its a rarity that I read a post where there is a true gray area. Most responses, posts are a variation of the same thing...your instincts are are serving you well, so we will tell you. why do we ignore our Instincts? Each and every post, looking for advice, screams of inconsistency. Isnt the minute there is inconsistency, throw the flag? What I'm am looking for is those of you who have grown, look back and now know why there was inconsistency, and explain to those who are in the middle of it, who cant see, who are trying to convince themselves, the benefits, how you got out of it, and most important, how its not remotely as big as it seems!!
carhill Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 why do we ignore our Instincts? For those who do ignore their instincts, reasons will vary by person. IME, fear is a marked commonality at the base of ignoral. Of course, types and objects of fear vary markedly by person. Isn't the minute there is inconsistency, throw the flag? For some, sure. For others, they don't examine the minutiae of interactions and instincts with such a critical eye. It takes more, either stronger signals or more iterations, to move the inconsistency needle. What I'm am looking for is those of you who have grown, look back and now know why there was inconsistency, and explain to those who are in the middle of it, who cant see, who are trying to convince themselves, the benefits, how you got out of it, and most important, how its not remotely as big as it seems!! IME, for myself, too much socialization training in BOTD, seeing the best in people and giving people chances. I would strongly feel something was off but would still soldier on, filing that instinct away and playing the socialization tape. Getting beat up enough finally wore the tape out and the far more peaceful and far less surprising path of following instincts ensued, to the point that very little ever surprises me, about anything. Get tuned into the force and, well, enjoy. Sure, it means sometimes making seemingly crazy decisions but that's part of life and we each must live it for ourselves.
Steve51 Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 I have a very happy life and marriage because I went with my instincts. I never post asking for help from strangers who do not know me nor I them. I think you are correct in some respects because by posting asking strangers for advice, it says a lot about you. Why would anyone want complete strangers giving them advice? I do not know but it probably is for the reasons you said. Many people are afraid to go with what they feel and need validation. It is like my bi wife and girlfriend. Some of their bi friends needed to tell their families and friends to feel validated with their sexual preferences. They needed to know from others that it was OK. My wife and our girlfriend did not need outside validation of their sexual lifestyle. They just lived it and let people think whatever they wanted to. It is just the way some people are. I will say one thing, being a very successful businessman has shown me that those who reach the top are not afraid to go with their gut and make decisions. Sure they may ask advise from people qualified to give that advice. They never make their decisions based on the advice of strangers who may or may not be who they say they are. Yet, there is no harm if someone needs his or her decision validated. Religion exists for the same reason. Makes it easy to make choices.
Author staggerlee71 Posted December 11, 2017 Author Posted December 11, 2017 I do believe that religion has evolved into validation. but really, religion was originally was a means to control people. but that's for another day. It is truly amazing, how instinct will serve. my instincts in a social situation serve me well. in the arena of love, it becomes convoluted, but they are still live. I bet if you reviewed all the posts on LS, each poster is looking for advice against their instinct. That is why they are here!! Add to that, when do you challenge your instinct? that maybe its wrong. and how do you know? The variable of another human, is quite challenging
snowboy91 Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 I think a major reason for people not trusting their instincts is that in every other aspect of our lives, we look for evidence and reason to justify why we think and feel the way we do to others. Blindly following instinct doesn't always result in a positive outcome, and often results in very negative outcomes. Instinct is something that you just can't explain using logic... it just exists. If one can't explain their thoughts using logic or they don't make sense, they look for a second or third opinion to feel validated... if they don't have anyone in their support network who has been through what they're going through they end up in places like here.
Chilli Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 That's a funny interpretation , when l read through thls or other single forums ,l spend half the time laughing at some of the stuff because l can never believe how so many people have no instincts, a large proportion don't even seem remotely connected to anything resembling an instinct . But hey ,l spose you could look at it the other way and the glass half full.
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