Loveydovey101 Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 So I talked to this guy for about 5 days. We were really open about everything. What we wanted, and we were really falling for eachother. We both wanted a relationship and everything. We went on a date on Friday and it was amazing. We held hands, kissed, played piano, a standout date and we talked about much we enjoyed each other’s company, felt like had been together forever. Anyways I wake up the next morning just with anxiety. I’m scared that he’s gonna drop me or something. There’s no reason behind these feelings other than that’s what my ex did to me. It’s all in my head and I’m wondering if anyone else has this anxiety and need for constant reassurance, and how to get over it. I wish I could just go back to feeling all happy and not scared of getting hurt again. Thanks.
Gaeta Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 Your ex did it to you and you moved on just fine. Look at you dating again. Heart-breaks are part of life. You roll with the punches and never give up till you get what you want. You have no control over the beginning of a relationship, no amount of worrying will make this guy like you more or make him stay. You can only be yourself and let life take care of the rest. If this guy doesn't call you back it's no big deal, he's just a dude you had ONE date with. He's a nobody. Don't put your sanity and happiness in the hand of stranger. When you meet someone remember a guy can disappear anytime under 3 months and sometimes even after. Don't worry there are plenty of men for you to date and if this guy here doesn't stick around well another guy will eventually. 1
Mr.Me Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 Putting all your eggs in someones else's basket sure is a lot of responsibility for that other person.
Loveydovey101 Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 I need some advice, motivation, and perspective. I keep talking to these guys and we talk for a bit about how we want a relationship and other life things blah blah blah, and then we go on a date where we have a great connection talk, hold hands, kiss, cuddle, normal things. Nothing sexual. I leave they text me how much of an amazing time we had and how we need to do it again. I agree. And then immediately the next day they just get distant and it just deteriorates. I’m sick of this because I catch feelings hard. I do this because these guys tell me how much they like me and and how amazing of a connection we have. So I get my hopes up thinking it’s going somewhere. When they call things off after one amazing date I get heartbroken. I’m sick of this pattern and I don’t know why it’s happening. If they didn’t like me they wouldn’t spend 5 hours on a date talking and holding hands. They wouldn’t tell me how amazing it was. Unless I’m choosing evil guys I don’t know why this keeps happening. I’m ready to just give up on finding love. I’m sick of being hurt over and over again. Any advice, insight, or motivation would be greatly appreciated.
kendahke Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 I need some advice, motivation, and perspective. I keep talking to these guys and we talk for a bit about how we want a relationship and other life things blah blah blah, and then we go on a date where we have a great connection talk, hold hands, kiss, cuddle, normal things. Nothing sexual. I leave they text me how much of an amazing time we had and how we need to do it again. I agree. And then immediately the next day they just get distant and it just deteriorates. Next time, try this experiment: When they tell you that they had a great time and want to do it again, come back with a time, date and an activity--your treat this time--and see what your response is. I’m sick of this because I catch feelings hard. I do this because these guys tell me how much they like me and and how amazing of a connection we have. So I get my hopes up thinking it’s going somewhere. When they call things off after one amazing date I get heartbroken. I’m sick of this pattern and I don’t know why it’s happening. If they didn’t like me they wouldn’t spend 5 hours on a date talking and holding hands. They wouldn’t tell me how amazing it was. Unless I’m choosing evil guys I don’t know why this keeps happening. I’m ready to just give up on finding love. I’m sick of being hurt over and over again. Any advice, insight, or motivation would be greatly appreciated. That's because you're living in the future when you do this. Basically, it's like living on credit: you don't have the money now, but you want the goods now. You have to learn to keep your feelings in check until they have shown you that they want to proceed with you. They can tell you anything to get their ends met and that doesn't mean it's going to lead to a relationship that you want. Whenever they are saying things like they feel a great connection, blah blah blah, remind yourself that right now, they are thinking out loud--loud enough for you to hear. That's it. It's not a contract for anything more.
alphamale Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 18 years old well Thisisevan717, at your age you should not be looking to get in a serious relationship. There are more things that are more important such as school. You'll have plenty of time for dating and relationships down the road. And remember that boys your age are pretty messed up and wishy washy. 1
basil67 Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 Are you meeting these guys with online dating? Or do you meet them at school/college/parties? At your age, there are many single young men around, so I'd suggest you stick to dating guys who you meet in person. You are much more likely to find success in dating if you've already built a face-to-face rapport before you start texting and go on your first date. 1
kendahke Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 So I talked to this guy for about 5 days. We were really open about everything. What we wanted, and we were really falling for eachother. We both wanted a relationship and everything. We went on a date on Friday and it was amazing. We held hands, kissed, played piano, a standout date and we talked about much we enjoyed each other’s company, felt like had been together forever. Anyways I wake up the next morning just with anxiety. I’m scared that he’s gonna drop me or something. There’s no reason behind these feelings other than that’s what my ex did to me. It’s all in my head and I’m wondering if anyone else has this anxiety and need for constant reassurance, and how to get over it. I wish I could just go back to feeling all happy and not scared of getting hurt again. Thanks. There a big difference between the amount of time you and your ex spent with one another and some guy you've known less than a week.
stillafool Posted December 15, 2017 Posted December 15, 2017 I need some advice, motivation, and perspective. I keep talking to these guys and we talk for a bit about how we want a relationship and other life things blah blah blah, and then we go on a date where we have a great connection talk, hold hands, kiss, cuddle, normal things. Nothing sexual. I leave they text me how much of an amazing time we had and how we need to do it again. I agree. And then immediately the next day they just get distant and it just deteriorates. I’m sick of this because I catch feelings hard. I do this because these guys tell me how much they like me and and how amazing of a connection we have. So I get my hopes up thinking it’s going somewhere. When they call things off after one amazing date I get heartbroken. I’m sick of this pattern and I don’t know why it’s happening. If they didn’t like me they wouldn’t spend 5 hours on a date talking and holding hands. They wouldn’t tell me how amazing it was. Unless I’m choosing evil guys I don’t know why this keeps happening. I’m ready to just give up on finding love. I’m sick of being hurt over and over again. Any advice, insight, or motivation would be greatly appreciated. Don't fall so fast for these guys. A first date is to see if you have chemistry and are compatible. If they aren't following up after the first date they probably didn't feel chemistry with you. That's okay it means you are with the wrong guy. Always assume that the guy LIKES you and that is why he asked you out. If he is feeling more than that remains to be seen.
act00 Posted December 16, 2017 Posted December 16, 2017 Try not thinking further than one date. You have no idea how this relationship is going to go. After you've been going out for a couple weeks, you can start thinking about next week. Later, you can start thinking about next month or a few months. By then, if things are going well, you'll have a lot more security in the relationship. For now, one date.
edgygirl Posted December 16, 2017 Posted December 16, 2017 (edited) You're setting yourself up for the mini heartbreaks you're having. I know you want a awesome guy to connect to, but you're putting too much hope on... words. Words don't mean much. Guys will say anything you want to hear in the beginning, to make you go out with them, and other things too. Don't believe them. Take things lighter. You are super young and shouldn't be so stressed about finding a boyfriend. Take these dates and talks as a way to getting to know people. DO NOT expect anything or get too hopeful by what a guy says. You should really trust guys by their ACTIONS. You went on a date and now he's in contact and planning more dates frequently? Only then you start getting attached and thinking it might lead somewhere. Don't do it before. I'm double your age and still go by that rule cause I finally learned. Also you sound super needy and a bit desperate and men RUN from it. Also, as much as you say you're looking for a serious relationship, I honestly don't think it means much at your age - men who are 18 are not really looking for that. Put your head in school, do things you like, don't feel so much pressure to find a boyfriend, and then you will find one. Edited December 16, 2017 by edgygirl
mortensorchid Posted December 16, 2017 Posted December 16, 2017 You're 18? Hon, you have an entire lifetime ahead of you to do so much you can't believe it. And you're going to be hurt and beaten down by many a cruel person in ways you can't imagine either. But you are in a certain phase of your life right now, which lasts until about age 24/25 when you just automatically assume that the man who is before you is going to be THE ONE. And ... He's not. For a few reasons which I will not get into right now. You're not an adult yet. You think you are but you are not. You will not know what that means until later on in life. Don't be needy and clingy, you will be okay. There will be a so many links in the chain you won't be able to count them after a while. Trust me. You'll be okay. 1
ZoeGirl Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 Indeed. You are so very young - there is so much in your romantic life to look forward to my dear.
alphamale Posted December 19, 2017 Posted December 19, 2017 You're 18? Hon, you have an entire lifetime ahead of you to do so much you can't believe it. And you're going to be hurt and beaten down by many a cruel person in ways you can't imagine either. But you are in a certain phase of your life right now, which lasts until about age 24/25 when you just automatically assume that the man who is before you is going to be THE ONE. And ... He's not. For a few reasons which I will not get into right now. You're not an adult yet. You think you are but you are not. You will not know what that means until later on in life. Don't be needy and clingy, you will be okay. There will be a so many links in the chain you won't be able to count them after a while. Trust me. You'll be okay. boy, that's the truth
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