Love and Marriage Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 (edited) I’ve been dating a Man for 6 years. We’ve lived together for two years. We have a close relationship and enjoyed many date nights and lots of time spent together. His Mom has recently moved to the area from out of state. It’s been very nice having her close and we have a great relationship. My concern is this... it seems as my boyfriend feels he has to include his Mom in everything we do now because he imagines her sitting at home all alone. She’s 77 years old and is widowed. There are several times a year that we’ve always had special date nights. One being Christmas Eve and the other is New Years Eve. Is it wrong of me to want to keep these special date nights or am I being selfish. We’d still be spending Christmas Day and New Years Day with Mom and kids. Edited December 9, 2017 by Love and Marriage
Gaeta Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 In my book yes, extremely selfish but I am big on family and would never leave a family member alone on xmas or NYE. My brain could not even process leaving my mother of 77 alone on xmas Eve. You have 365 days with him, you live with him, xmas is about opening our arms to others, move your romantic night to Valentine day. His mom will need more of him as she aged, you better get used to it now. 2
iVisa Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 But you still can spend a night with him rest of nights, right? So where is the problem?
dude360 Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 I’ve been dating a Man for 6 years. We’ve lived together for two years. We have a close relationship and enjoyed many date nights and lots of time spent together. His Mom has recently moved to the area from out of state. It’s been very nice having her close and we have a great relationship. My concern is this... it seems as my boyfriend feels he has to include his Mom in everything we do now because he imagines her sitting at home all alone. She’s 77 years old and is widowed. There are several times a year that we’ve always had special date nights. One being Christmas Eve and the other is New Years Eve. Is it wrong of me to want to keep these special date nights or am I being selfish. We’d still be spending Christmas Day and New Years Day with Mom and kids. I'm sorry but that is extremely selfish. She is 77 years old. Just moved to a new area. No husband. Her son is in the area. For Christ's sake, c'mon! These are special days, Christmas Eve, New Years and what not. Like someone else mentioned, you get to spend any and every other day with him. Besides that, you voicing displeasure at this tells him the kind of wife or future partner you would be. When you start dating someone, you inevitably start dating that person's family as well (depending on how close their family is). Also, not to sound morbid but at 77, she doesn't have very long left. If you try to push him away from his mom. All that'll happen is resentment will grow when he regrets spending time with his mom. Let things be. 2
kendahke Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 Has his mother moved in with you two or something or is she just in the area? Meaning, she's got her own place--is she in a retirement community? I mean, I can see that she's new to the area, wants to be near her son because of her age and possibly health and he's helping her to transition and get settled into the new surroundings. Is she the one who initiates the inclusion into your plans or is it just him projecting? I think you need to tread very carefully here because one thing said the wrong way can result in him changing his mind about your relationship. Chances are, she'd rather not be the third wheel, but he's including her--so he needs to talk with her about how often she feels like going along. Also, since you two live together, it's not like you never see one another and he's standing you up. Christmas Eve, for him growing up, may have included some sort of tradition that she was involved in, so you're going to have to pull up your big girl pants on that one this year. New Years Eve, yeah I can see you two having your date night and chances are, his mom isn't going to want to be out/up that late anyway, unless old girl goes beast mode with the partying.
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