batjokes92 Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 (edited) Hello, I've posted on this site before many times about how I am a 25 year old female and I have always been single. I am at my lowest point now and I am really trying hard to understand what my problem is. I have dated before but I never make it past the third date with a guy, they eventually reveal to me that they are not ready for commitment and it makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. I've maybe dated 5 guys in my life, I started dating later, first was when I was 21, dated for 2 months, I fell hard for him, got attached, after we got intimate he ghosted me, left me traumatized and too scared to even try dating again afterward. Next was a year later, went out on a date with a guy I wasn't physically attracted to, it was one date, I could tell he felt uncomfortable, he later texted me "It's not working out" never heard from him again. Next was a few months later. Guy I met in college, 3 dates, he tried to get physical with me on the second but I stopped him, the third date he told me he wasn't ready for commitment. 23 again I met a guy through work who seemed very interested in me. He was very outgoing and easy to talk to. He was 10 years older than me, we became friends with benefits, he was the guy I probably felt most comfortable with but he only wanted me for sex, which was fine (or I convinced myself that it was) since I felt he was a bit too old for me anyway. Still was disappointment to know that that was all he wanted. We never went on a real date he'd just come to my house to "chill". A few years before this I met a guy online. (Never met in person because he lives in England) He claimed he loved me, wanted to protect me but, also said he was not ready to fully commit. I really fell for him hard but he started triangulating me with younger girls he also knew online, called me names, devalued/discarded me when I refused to send him nude photos. And just recently, I got up the courage to give dating sites a try. A few weeks ago I met with a guy I met on an online dating site. We had only chatted for one night and he asked to meet! He had me choose the meeting place and I feel I may have chosen a bad one, the food wasn't good at all and the date wasn't that great. I tried to be chatty, friendly, optimistic. He smiled, never seemed uncomfortable or anything.. at the end he hugged me and told me he'd "maybe" text to hang out again. He had been texting me consistently the days before our meet up so I thought I'd send him a text letting him know I enjoyed getting to know him and that I'd like to meet again. He just replied "nice chatting with you too :D". I haven't heard from him since. Does anyone have any advice that could help me? I am frustrated beyond belief with this casual dating scene which just seems to end in disappointment for me time after time. I don't get asked out often. I am an introvert, average intelligence, average looks (I think), skinny, healthy. Maybe I am shy and awkward but I know many shy girls who have boyfriends. I just don't know what the problem is. Edited December 9, 2017 by batjokes92
Sm12345 Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 I’d give you the advice I wish I’d taken at your age, join a club or something you’re interested in and meet like minded individuals. If you’re into comic books, hang out a local comic book store. If you’re into cooking, join a local cooking club. I don’t think the issue is necessarily you, but perhaps the guys that you’re attracting are low value (only looking for some physical/casual) or low interest. Ps, just out of curiosity, which part of Canada are you in? I’m in Ottawa. 2
Author batjokes92 Posted December 9, 2017 Author Posted December 9, 2017 I’d give you the advice I wish I’d taken at your age, join a club or something you’re interested in and meet like minded individuals. If you’re into comic books, hang out a local comic book store. If you’re into cooking, join a local cooking club. I don’t think the issue is necessarily you, but perhaps the guys that you’re attracting are low value (only looking for some physical/casual) or low interest. Ps, just out of curiosity, which part of Canada are you in? I’m in Ottawa. I live in Windsor Ontario. It's a very small city bordered by the US (Detroit). I've looked online for clubs like "meetup.com" but none of them seem to be here in Canada they are all in the US. I truly wish that I could find a club here that suits me.
Sm12345 Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 I used to live in London, and went to Detroit a lot. I know exactly where Windsor is. Not a great city dating scene wise. Perhaps you might try looking for people in Sarnia or even Toronto?
Author batjokes92 Posted December 9, 2017 Author Posted December 9, 2017 I used to live in London, and went to Detroit a lot. I know exactly where Windsor is. Not a great city dating scene wise. Perhaps you might try looking for people in Sarnia or even Toronto? Ah! Glad you understand! It really is hard to date here. I'm on okcupid but most of my matches are in the US. Both Sarnia and Toronto are kind of far. I doubt anyone that far would want to date someone from Windsor.
LoverOfDance Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 Lots of meetup groups here in Toronto :-) I'm 26 and just recently had my first bf at 25. You have to have faith. This is how I get through anything in life - faith. Be confident that it will happen. It has to happen at some point. You don't seem to like Windsor very much. You're an adult. If you don't like where you live, move. Make a bold choice. Life is too short to live in a city you don't like, TRUST ME. Make plans, get up and leave. We are not trees. You're free to do whatever you want. You just have to make a decision :-)
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 I live in Windsor Ontario. It's a very small city bordered by the US (Detroit). I've looked online for clubs like "meetup.com" but none of them seem to be here in Canada they are all in the US. I truly wish that I could find a club here that suits me. That is not true; I am from Toronto and there were plenty. Granted, Toronto is much bigger than Windsor but meetup.com does exist in Canada. They're out there, I promise! You could also consider joining a local volunteer organization; have a look through local charity groups to see which ones are seeking volunteers.
BaileyB Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 There are meetup groups in Canada, just as there are volunteer organizations, church groups, sports clubs, cooking classes, dancing lessons, and any number of other ways to meet new people. I would suggest that you think about what would make you happy to do and give you the opportunity to meet new people - and just go out and try it. Do it not with the intention of meeting someone to date, but with he intention of having fun doing something you enjoy, and making new social connections. You have nothing to lose. 1
jjgitties Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 I am familiar with your geographic location and here is my 2 cents. I dont think its you. Its just the men you have met so far. Nothing wrong with being shy and introverted. Some people are like that and they do find compatible mates. As others have said, perhaps look at what you like to do and try to find things that allow you to interact and meet other people in real life (not online) that are into the things you like to do. Be it music concerts, night classes, other stuff that can be done in safe public places. Windsor is very close to the US and Detriot.. I fail to see why you aren't able to expand your search to include Detroit. I have a relative in Toronto who is in a relationship with some guy in Rochester.. so this person is obviously driving 2 to 3 hours regularly to see her. I fail to see why moving to Toronto will increase your chances. Sure, there are more people, and there are also going to be more competition in the dating scene in your age group and there is also going to be more guys looking for casual sex and so on.
smackie9 Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 Sorry but it's your inexperience. Getting too attached can repel most people...and that goes for girls too, from guys being too eager. That one guy may have taken advantage of you, or maybe he did not. Some people get freaked out and don't know what they got themselves into. FWB doesn't usually lead to a relationship. So if you are looking for something serious, FWB is NOT the way to go. Everyone here has some great ideas. I agree that you are best to meet others through social groups, make friends, and build a good social circle. That's when you will have the opportunity to meet someone nice. Tho online dating can be a great tool, it is very tainted by guys simply looking for hookups. It's definitely not for the inexperienced.
Quagmire243 Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 Ah! Glad you understand! It really is hard to date here. I'm on okcupid but most of my matches are in the US. Both Sarnia and Toronto are kind of far. I doubt anyone that far would want to date someone from Windsor. I'm in the same situation as you are except I'm 32. Any reason you wouldn't consider a match in the US? I'm from Detroit and would gladly meet someone from Windsor. In some ways, I may even prefer it. I don't get many matches from Windsor. Expanding just across the border will open up a lot of matches. 1
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