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If you could give ONE relationship tip to someone younger, what would it be?

Nothingtolose

By Nothingtolose
in General Relationship Discussion

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aMguilts Established Member

aMguilts

Posted
Posted
I have seen incredible transformations from people close to me, and I firmly believe people can and do change - but only if they really want to. When staying within the same patterns, habits and thought processes starts to be more painful/damaging than doing the internal work required to change, that's when a person will change.

 

Sorry but you're wrong.

You are what you are

I don't mean YOU personally..

But it's defined.....people don't change. Ok they may give up a habit..

Psychologically.... genetically....they are the same.

Someone with bi polar depression for example can be controlled with meds

But it's their brains 'fix' .

No-one changes. They can pretend .....to appease whoever it is that wants them to change....but how wrong is that!!??

aM

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somanymistakes Established Member

somanymistakes

Posted
Posted
Sorry but you're wrong.

You are what you are

I don't mean YOU personally..

But it's defined.....people don't change. Ok they may give up a habit..

Psychologically.... genetically....they are the same.

Someone with bi polar depression for example can be controlled with meds

But it's their brains 'fix' .

No-one changes. They can pretend .....to appease whoever it is that wants them to change....but how wrong is that!!??

aM

 

People change all the time - they learn and grow. That's what makes us sentient human beings. You're not the same as you were when you were a toddler.

 

However, by the time we are adults, our core beliefs are often pretty set in their ways. We may pick up small amounts of new interests, but generally not ones that are as deep and meaningful as the ones we found when we were young. Mostly, we like the sorts of things we always liked, and behave in the sorts of ways we always behaved.

 

It generally takes a very traumatic event to make a substantial change in our adult personalities. The death of a loved one can be a catalyst for a dramatic personality shift, for example. Near-death experiences sometimes change people's whole perspective on life.

 

Physically, of course, brain changes can also bring about huge alterations in people. Tumors and injuries can turn someone you knew well into a stranger or a criminal. But these things are rare.

  • Like 1
SolG Established Member

SolG

Posted
Posted

I'm going to give props to Sesame Street and Cookie Monster in particular here. I LOVED the cookies are somtimes food campaign!

 

Some things in life are sometimes things. Cookies, swearing, extreme workout/diet plans, pretty bad boys... But the things that sustain you are more than that. Yummy fresh fruit and veggies, sustainable regular exercise, linguistic control, people with depth who aren't afraid of intimacy that are a pleasure to know indefinitely.

 

That's what I'd say. Experience both, but know the difference. Have wonderful fun, but never expect a sometimes to become an always. Because that will make you sick. And appreciate the beauty of sustainable desirability.

 

Whether it be food, language, excerise, sex or love... That which provides you succour and strength should be cultivated. And those things that are but transitory, meaningless pleasures should be relegated as such. Not denegrated, but relegated in the big scheme of things.

  • Like 3
wmacbride Established Member

wmacbride

Posted
Posted
I forgot to add my advice.

 

Try to follow your heart and your gut. Its very very hard to follow either one and it take a very self assured person to believe in themself to such an extent to follow their gut.

 

I would advise you to follow your gut and your head, and ignore your "heart".

 

Also, don't be too quick to pair up with someone. Give it time. Get to know them well.

 

Also, if you have opportunities to make platonic friends with single guys, do it. They can help give you insight into a man's perspective, and you never know. One of these friends may eventually become more. To me at least, that is the ideal. The romance is wonderful. and the friendship can see you through some very rough spots.

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Nothingtolose Established Member

Nothingtolose

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Sorry but you're wrong.

You are what you are

I don't mean YOU personally..

But it's defined.....people don't change. Ok they may give up a habit..

Psychologically.... genetically....they are the same.

Someone with bi polar depression for example can be controlled with meds

But it's their brains 'fix' .

No-one changes. They can pretend .....to appease whoever it is that wants them to change....but how wrong is that!!??

aM

 

LOL it's not a matter of being "right" or "wrong", it's simply a difference of opinion. The person I was at 25 was almost an entirely different person from who I am today. Many of the things I used to do/like, I have no interest in now. Even the person I was at 29 is different from who I am now at 33. Most of my core beliefs are the same, but some have changed! I have allowed myself to learn, be open to new findings, new ways of thinking/mindset, and to evolve.

 

To believe we're all little pre-programmed "robots" with no capacity to grow, evolve or change. is a little too narrow minded in my opinion, but that's just me.

littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

Posted
Posted

Woman, 43, single and happy.

 

Advice 1 : pay attention to actions, not words. Eg, if they apologised for being rude to you, remember they shouldn't have been rude to you in the first place, especially if there's a pattern (ie more than once).

 

Advice 2 : pay special attention to how they treat or talk about those who are close to them, family members, etc. If they trash-talk them all, or if they have a persecution complex, carefully remove yourself from the situation.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted

My advice to younger guys...

 

Don't lose yourself...Stay strong to who you are and hold firm on the things YOU want out of life and out of your mate/woman....And that goes for just about everything....Far too often guys just cave into women and all their demands ,then just become mindless drones only worthy as providers, while everything is done for the wife and kids......

 

This is especially true once marriage is on the table..The whole process is for the bride...The minute a guy reaches a certain age or duration of time in a r, then he better propose...He better get a ring that's bigger than her friends...He better get a house that's everything she wants...etc

 

There is a common saying... "if mama's not happy no one is" Well, that's great, but what about dad??...Is he not entitled to be happy??

 

Not being down on the process, and it's natural for guys to do for their family, but if you are a guy you need to be careful of not falling into that trap.. When it works well it's fantastic..Just don't get caught up..Be a man, but hold true to what you want out of life...If it means you never get married and never have kids, then fine, just don't be ashamed or bullied into it....;)

 

TFY

  • Like 5
aMguilts Established Member

aMguilts

Posted
Posted
LOL it's not a matter of being "right" or "wrong", it's simply a difference of opinion. The person I was at 25 was almost an entirely different person from who I am today. Many of the things I used to do/like, I have no interest in now. Even the person I was at 29 is different from who I am now at 33. Most of my core beliefs are the same, but some have changed! I have allowed myself to learn, be open to new findings, new ways of thinking/mindset, and to evolve.

 

To believe we're all little pre-programmed "robots" with no capacity to grow, evolve or change. is a little too narrow minded in my opinion, but that's just me.

 

Ok you missed the point completely.

 

But please... Don't laugh at me...or my opinions.

aM

rushed Established Member

rushed

Posted
Posted

If he/she consistently makes you cry, hurts your feelings, and/or makes you feel insecure, then he/she is not the one. Know your worth and do not be afraid to walk away.

  • Like 1
Shining One Established Member

Shining One

Posted
Posted

I have several I wish I could give to a younger me.

  • Promises are not legally-binding.
  • Commitment before sex is a bad idea, but compromise (both at the same time) is possible.
  • Don't be generous until he/she has proven worthy.
  • Don't emotionally invest until he/she has confirmed interest.
  • He/She is not the prize to be won. The prize is a mutually fulfilling relationship that both of you should be working as a team for.

  • Like 1
dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

Posted
Posted

Don't assume anything

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Nothingtolose Established Member

Nothingtolose

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I have several I wish I could give to a younger me.

[*]He/She is not the prize to be won. The prize is a mutually fulfilling relationship that both of you should be working as a team for.

 

My God, I 100% agree. This is so, so key.

 

Anyone who makes you jump through hoops to earn their attention and affection, who makes you feel anxious waiting for a text back, who blows hot and cold, doesn't let you know where you stand, etc...NOT WORTH IT. It took me so, so long to understand this, even though it's such a simple concept, holy crap.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

i agree with shining one about the prize thing .....love isnt a prize its a gift and its given.....deb

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