Jack1995 Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 Hiya, Not sure if this should go in LDR or here but anyway... I've been with with my current girlfriend for about 9 months now and have always been so happy together. We are both students (22 both of us) who live in Manchester, UK. I am British and she is Canadian and on a 18 month university exchange programme but will go home in May to complete her final year at her home uni in Toronto. I met her originally 2 years ago through a mutual friend and she had a boyfriend. She was back in Toronto at the time but she decided she liked the look of me and we talked as really good friends online for a while. We became fairly close and she would always want to help me with any ''relationship trouble'' if I had it etc. In January she had the chance to do 3 semesters at a uni in my city and decided she would do it. She broke up with her bf fairly quickly after moving here and cited that she felt he was being controlling and manipulative. The mutual friend of ours also felt that he had been mistreating her for a while. After she had time to heal she started flirting quite heavily with me and eventually we ended up being a couple. I sort of felt like it was inevitable as she had apparently always liked me and found me attractive. We have been together for about 9 months and the time we have had together has been amazing. We are both very committed to each other and all that sort of stuff couples describe each other as. She has said she can't see herself with any other guy and how I am the best guy she has ever met. She also seems to have ambitions of moving here or doing a masters degree in London at a later date. It all sounds ideal until I mention that she seems so certain that we will break up in May when she goes back home. I try not to think about it but she has said a few times how ''this will end'' etc. when she goes home and that she loves me so much that it would hurt her if I told her ''when I get a new girlfriend''. She also says she feels bad sometimes for always putting herself first and feels like she is always leaving people while she just goes and enjoys her life. It just hurts so much every time she talks about anything beyond May and also seems so contradictory. She talks about how I'm the best guy she has ever met yet seems so intent on things ending even if we have a really amazing relationship and were such good friends before that too. Anything she talks about from Summer 2018 onwards always sees me as a friend who might come and visit her at uni in Canada next year but nothing more than that. She has briefly mentioned long distance sometimes and said it just didn't work with her ex who was in a different city while she was at uni. I haven't properly asked her about the possibility of me and her trying it as she already seems so dismissive of any idea of it happening. I find this particularly sad as there is the possibility that she may move back here at a later date anyway. She does occasionally drop hints of long term future between us and our mutual friend has told me he thinks it could happen. She does really seem into me etc. and burst into tears at the airport when she flew home for Christmas on Tuesday saying how much she will miss me even if she is only gone for like 3 weeks. We have a lot in common and seem to work so well as a couple because we already got on so well as friends before so I feel like LDR wouldn't be the end of the world for me, particularly if it were only for a year. I feel like if I suggested a ''break'' I would worry too much that she would find another guy in that time. Would asking her about long distance nearer the time she is going home be a lost cause? I feel like I really do love her but although she seems to love me as well (much more than anyone in the past has) it seems like she is so intent on whatever we have being temporary and then a sad goodbye in May. I'm just not sure what she wants or if she knows what she wants either. tldr: gf of 9 months moving back home in May and seems totally committed to breaking up regardless of how strong our relationship is.
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 She had a BF. She moved across the pond for school & her relationship became an LDR. It ended shortly thereafter. Whether she acknowledges it or not, the distance contributed to the break up. She's now dating you but knows she will be leaving in May. in her experience LDRs don't work. So while she is perfectly happen to enjoy you right now, she has no expectations past her return to Canada. You need to make peace with that.
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