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She went from in love to breaking up suddenly over the course of two weeks

nhowe29

By nhowe29
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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nhowe29 New Member

nhowe29

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Thanks in advance everyone. I follow this forum but have never posted. We only dated for 3 months, but the break-up came suddenly this past Sunday. More than anything I'm shocked. I'm 25. she's 22.

 

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Background

 

 

In my opinion she was kind-hearted, caring, but troubled. She had awful past experiences with relationships. One time the ex was laying in his hospital bed recovering from a crash and he told her he had cheated on her long ago. Another ended with her breaking up with someone and he destroyed her car in retaliation.

 

She told me she was very insecure about her body (even though she was stunningly gorgeous), has personal issues including anxiety attacks, and seemed to have bouts of depression. And once went to rehab for alcoholism.

 

For context, I have a great professional career, own a house, and all around feel like I put myself in a good place in life. I decided I'd form my own opinion of her and the past is the past. Maybe a mistake.

 

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Recent

 

 

Over Thanksgiving we are gone and only chatting. It's gushy and she's happy. Even says she fell for me at one point. She also mentions wanting to finally get a job again, go back to school, move back with her mom until she got her life together, stop smoking, stop drinking (we drank 2 nights a week usually), etc.

 

Fast forward 1 week. She ghosted me twice on dates. The first time because moving in with her mom she was prevented from going out. Okay, her house, her rules. I get it. Second time, couple days later, she ghosts me again. Nothing. I text her reassuring her it's out of our control and we'll discuss later.

 

Sunday rolls around. 4-5 days without any communication except "I'll call in a bit" and a few casual attempts to regain contact. At this point, I'm getting scared. Something is happening and a friend warns me she has been at the bars all weekend.

 

I call. Nothing. Call again. Nothing. At this point my heart drops. I ask if she's okay. Finally, hours later. I get the text: "I've been drunk the past 3 days so not really." I say that's a poor excuse to drop all communication for 5 days. Her later: "I'm sorry, I can't talk to you right now. I guess I just lost interest."

 

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The end

 

The breakup chat commences. I never convince her to talk on the phone like adults. Yes.. a text break up. Yikes.

 

I called it a cowardly way to break up. And then said I shouldn't date someone who can't seem to get their life together anyway. I am out of her league anyway. Pretty mean I know -- not proud of it.

 

She follows with saying she just lost interest. Wanted to call but hesitated because she felt she couldn't explain.

 

Here goes the tough one. After I said the dicky comment telling her I shouldn't have dated her anyway and it's over, just go away, she says "Yeah. I wasn't sexually attracted to you. I felt weird getting sexual with you. Sorry if that hurts but that's my honesty." **Ouch**

 

Finally I say I had happy times and appreciated the memories, and I won't be speaking to her again. Cue graceful-ish exit. **Annnd done**

 

Confusion has set in. She said things that led me to believe she was attracted ("you're really hot", etc), seemed to enjoy our intimacy. Her sex drive did seem low, but even then would initiate every now and then or at least aim to please. So I'm scratching my head how the attraction issues be true, but suppose I could see it. She is definitely stunning and I'm probably just "okay". She said she fell for me just two weeks ago and was nervous I'd abandon her while she was going through changes. So this sudden flip is so very shocking.

 

Does it seem like her behavior in the relationship was a lie? Attraction, her being happy, and all?

 

Any insight as to how someone could flip a switch like this would also be appreciated.

 

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tl;dr: Ex goes from being happily in a relationship to ghosting me and with no communication for 5 days. Her breaking it off commences and she said she lost interest and wasn't sexually attracted. Were we just a lie?

Edited by nhowe29
Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

Posted
Posted

She's 22 and in your words "troubled".

 

I'm surrounded by boys and girls in their early twenties and all I can say is VERY few of them have their sh*t together never mind have any idea how to navigate a relationship in an honest and mature way.

 

Add in a troubled background and good luck. Girls in their twenties tend to be hot messes at the best of time.

 

Going from hot to cold doesn't seem all that surprising, especially after only 3 months together.

 

Chalk it up to a crash and burn relationship. I'm sure it won't be your last one and that's just part of life.

 

Maybe try dating girls who are a bit older or don't come with so much baggage.

 

Good luck.

  • Like 1
PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted
I decided I'd form my own opinion of her and the past is the past. Maybe a mistake.

Yes. She sounds pretty messed up. Not really surprising that your brief relationship ended in a messed up way.

 

Any insight as to how someone could flip a switch like this would also be appreciated.

You hurt her with your comment, so she said something to hurt you back. I wouldn't take it personally. I would file this under the category of, if you play with fire, you're gonna get burned.

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

Posted
Posted

She’s mental and she’s done you a favour. Run away and never look back.

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nhowe29 New Member

nhowe29

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks everyone.

 

Yes. She sounds pretty messed up. Not really surprising that your brief relationship ended in a messed up way.

 

 

You hurt her with your comment, so she said something to hurt you back. I wouldn't take it personally. I would file this under the category of, if you play with fire, you're gonna get burned.

 

Seems like the case. I feel like, at least for the most part, given her behavior during the relationship she wasn't putting on a face. If so, what in the world... who would do that and why. Sure, I have a great career and I'm relatively successful. But to date someone on just those merits? Yikes. At the same time, I kind of believe it.

 

She's 22 and in your words "troubled".

 

I'm surrounded by boys and girls in their early twenties and all I can say is VERY few of them have their sh*t together never mind have any idea how to navigate a relationship in an honest and mature way.

 

Add in a troubled background and good luck. Girls in their twenties tend to be hot messes at the best of time.

 

Going from hot to cold doesn't seem all that surprising, especially after only 3 months together.

 

Chalk it up to a crash and burn relationship. I'm sure it won't be your last one and that's just part of life.

 

Maybe try dating girls who are a bit older or don't come with so much baggage.

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks, I'm definitely reevaluating my standards. I got caught up in the fun that we had. But a relationship requires much more than just silly fun. Funny enough, she admitted in the end we were a ton of fun and she feels awful to let go. Sounded like typical "It's me not you" crap to me though.

 

Yea, it was only 3 months. I'm not upset it didn't work out nor do I want her back in any way. I suppose what rattles me most was how happy she told me she was with our relationship, even going so far to say she loved me two weeks ago, which came as a surprise. And just one week later to flip a switch? I don't want to feel like the whole time she didn't actually feel that way.

 

It feels awful to look back and wonder if anything was genuine that she felt in the first place.

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

Posted
Posted

It feels awful to look back and wonder if anything was genuine that she felt in the first place.

 

Just because someone flip flops like that doesn't necessarily mean there wasn't any trace of genuine feelings at any point.

 

I'm sure, in HER mind, she meant what she said but because she's a bit f*cked up, young and immature, she got carried away with it all and said things she probably either shouldn't have or should have waited to say.

 

If you think that's bad, wait until you've been with someone you love for several years and they suddenly decide to end things. Talk about a mindf*ck.

 

I promise, this is one relationship you shouldn't wonderabout. It's a waste of your time and energy. You'll have bigger fish to fry.

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nhowe29 New Member

nhowe29

Posted
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Yikes. Found out she actually made out with some guy at the bar the day before it ended.

 

More people are telling me just how much she gets around. And with so many undesirable people too.

 

Yeesh.

 

People like that, I'll never understand. Just insecurity in its purest form and the need for validation? I guess that's probably it.

alterest Established Member

alterest

Posted
Posted

I agree with Michelle ma Belle.

"Maybe try dating girls who are a bit older or don't come with so much baggage."

 

She is pretty young and, man, I was in your shoes a year ago, even told my story here in LS. She is not a mess, she is just young and she want to live her life, and being in a relationship only hold her to see more and more from world. Stop complain about that and move on, it's the best thing you can do right now. Holding hope for someone is completly pointless cause there is no guarantee that your hopes become truth... And you will be completly broken if that happens. Cry, be sad, stay in bed for a week, but move on.

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