Author Cam1 Posted December 10, 2017 Author Posted December 10, 2017 You spooked him a little and he was befuddled in how to respond. That last text to him, you just friend zoned yourself...yer real smooth lol. How did I spook him? I feel like he set me up and there was no other way for me to respond. Also the fact "its weird when work life and social life are mixed", yet he's like "oh let me know when you want to climbing or hiking next"--that's totally contradictory. Does he not realize going to the gym with someone is even a social thing?
heavenonearth Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 I have had so many bad experiences dating younger guys throughout my 20s. I dated a 19 year old when I was 24, a 21 year old when I was 26 and a 23 year old when I was 29! NEVER AGAIN! The first was way too dramatic and immature. The second was just looking to screw whatever came his way, and the third ended up needing to 'focus on himself to figure out his life' before being able to settle. That being said, although the last guy regrets it now, they all were not worth it, and the two latter really broke my heart. I think I dated a lot of young guys because I forgot myself that I was getting older... and never even had people older than me on the radar. Then I turned 30 and realized... gosh, I guess me dating people in their 30s now is not weird, but the new normal. My partner is 38, I finally found my match. Took a while, but I am glad I stopped my pattern of dating people who did not know what they wanted. Of course there are a lot of people in their 20s who have their stuff figured out. But let's face it - most of these young relationships don't last. If you are looking for something exciting and temporary, go for it. You may even get lucky. But I don't see a 21 year old college guy sticking around forever. Good luck!
snowboy91 Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 How did I spook him? I feel like he set me up and there was no other way for me to respond. Also the fact "its weird when work life and social life are mixed", yet he's like "oh let me know when you want to climbing or hiking next"--that's totally contradictory. Does he not realize going to the gym with someone is even a social thing? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say he probably hasn't had a lot of experience in work life. At the age of 21 he's only a couple of years out of school. He's probably used to his parents working and coming home, and not hearing much from anyone they work with. A work environment where employees are friends and do social activities together doesn't happen everywhere (although it isn't uncommon). He's not used to the idea that you can be friends with people you work with - which is kind of odd because school is no different. You need to show him otherwise
heavenonearth Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 You spooked him a little and he was befuddled in how to respond. That last text to him, you just friend zoned yourself...yer real smooth lol. This! Your responses were everything but smooth Sorry to say but your insecurity shined through a bit! How did I spook him? I feel like he set me up and there was no other way for me to respond. Also the fact "its weird when work life and social life are mixed", yet he's like "oh let me know when you want to climbing or hiking next"--that's totally contradictory. Does he not realize going to the gym with someone is even a social thing? He was trying to be nice.. :/
Author Cam1 Posted December 11, 2017 Author Posted December 11, 2017 He was trying to be nice.. :/ I guess I don't quite get what you mean? Like he was trying to be nice while rejecting me, and doesnt actually like to hike or climb? That doesn't make sense, either..
heavenonearth Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 I guess I don't quite get what you mean? Like he was trying to be nice while rejecting me, and doesnt actually like to hike or climb? That doesn't make sense, either.. He probably likes hiking and climbing, but not with you. At least not in a romantic way.
smackie9 Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 How did I spook him? I feel like he set me up and there was no other way for me to respond. Also the fact "its weird when work life and social life are mixed", yet he's like "oh let me know when you want to climbing or hiking next"--that's totally contradictory. Does he not realize going to the gym with someone is even a social thing? You spooked him by messaging him out of the blue that knocked him out of kilter. we can read into this many different ways...he's ok with climbing with you, but not get romantically involved, or he likes you but is shy about it, and you freaked him out a bit messaging him, or he's pacifying you by saying he's down for going climbing again...in other words saying it just to be nice. Do you have trouble reading a man's body language by any chance? How much dating experience do yo have? Do guys find you attractive and hit in you?
Author Cam1 Posted December 11, 2017 Author Posted December 11, 2017 (edited) You spooked him by messaging him out of the blue that knocked him out of kilter. we can read into this many different ways...he's ok with climbing with you, but not get romantically involved, or he likes you but is shy about it, and you freaked him out a bit messaging him, or he's pacifying you by saying he's down for going climbing again...in other words saying it just to be nice. 1. Do you have trouble reading a man's body language by any chance? 2. How much dating experience do yo have? 3. Do guys find you attractive and hit in you? 1. I'm pretty good with non verbal cues, and I work closely with college students all day (thankfully NOT him, but another reason I felt like such a CREEP), so I'm especially decent with their body language. 2. I have a normal amount. 3. I have no idea. I'd say I'm a 7 in the looks scale, and I'm fit. I've always had a difficult time telling when men are hitting on me, or if they're probably just being nice. ALSO: I showed two of my friends--who are much more bold than me, but rarely agree on men--this exchange with him, and they both said his initial mention of "making weird" was him having no game/experience, not blowing me off. Edited December 11, 2017 by Cam1
Author Cam1 Posted December 11, 2017 Author Posted December 11, 2017 Smackie did you have thoughts on that? That maybe i'm just oblivious? i don't really believe that "men are intimidated by some women" thing.
GorillaTheater Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 That maybe i'm just oblivious? i don't really believe that "men are intimidated by some women" thing. Don't rule it out when we're talking about a 20-year-old guy and an "older" woman who's the sister of his boss (I think I have that right). I'm not trying to discourage you, but don't discount him trying to sort through this (probably) new territory. 1
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2017 Posted December 12, 2017 I agree with the fact you are related to his boss that may have him intimidated. Not every guy has confidence...believe me, if you read all the thread of grown ass men on here asking us for advice on how to ask someone out, or even just talk to them. One guy was a lawyer for C%^&* sake. So if you understand social cues from people normally, what's the difference with men showing interest?
amaysngrace Posted December 12, 2017 Posted December 12, 2017 The rule is half your age plus seven so 13 + 7 and he's older than 20 so yay! now go bang
she'stheone Posted December 24, 2017 Posted December 24, 2017 3. I have no idea. I'd say I'm a 7 in the looks scale, and I'm fit. I've always had a difficult time telling when men are hitting on me, or if they're probably just being nice. Most men that approach you are NOT just being nice. Men typically approach a woman (crack a joke, ask a question, in other words, engage a woman's attention) because he finds her attractive. Most men become attracted physically first and only later (much later, if at all) become attracted emotionally. So, they are probably hitting on you. Whether they maintain interest is a different story. As for the guy in your post...there are so many possible answers but based on what you wrote, I'd guess he's not that interested anymore. Maybe he was, but now, for whatever his reason or no reason at all he's not interested anymore. We men, are just as fickle as you ladies are, we just go about showing it differently and it's the super, rare exception, where a man (or boy in this case) is going to be open about how he really feels.
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