wantslove92 Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 There's this guy I found on match.com and he wanted to hang out at a bar with me. The weird thing is was that he wanted to pick me up. We are complete strangers and I thought it would be strange for him to pick me up at my place without even knowing how I look like in person so I told him if I can just meet him at the bar. I felt a little scared because he wanted to go out at 8pm and I feel more comfortable meeting someone during the day time since it seems safer. Also is drinking on the first date weird? I personally think it is because I think it's better to be sober and get to know each other rather than drinking. I changed my mind and didn't want to meet him after this whole date that he planned out. Did I make the right choice?
Gaeta Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 There's this guy I found on match.com and he wanted to hang out at a bar with me. The weird thing is was that he wanted to pick me up. We are complete strangers and I thought it would be strange for him to pick me up at my place without even knowing how I look like in person so I told him if I can just meet him at the bar. I felt a little scared because he wanted to go out at 8pm and I feel more comfortable meeting someone during the day time since it seems safer. Also is drinking on the first date weird? I personally think it is because I think it's better to be sober and get to know each other rather than drinking. I changed my mind and didn't want to meet him after this whole date that he planned out. Did I make the right choice? You make the rules. You do not let a stranger from the Internet decide of what will be your first date. I always settled my first meeting in a coffee shop during the day or no later than 7 pm if it was after work. There would be NOWAY I'd give my address to a stranger to pick me up for a first meeting. This is no joke matter and any man trying to pressure me into picking me up would be dump on the spot. Now let me scare you real good. Once I met a guy at a coffee shop in the middle of the day for a first meeting. I had gone there by metro. When our meeting was over it was poring rain so he offered to drop me by car at the closest metro station. I stupidly accepted. The man never dropped me at my station, he got on the highway and held me against my will for 40 minutes before agreeing to get off the highway and let me go. When I finally got out of his car I was 50km from my home!! I had the scare of my life!! 1
mortensorchid Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 Yikes, OP! How did you get away at last?!?! But on this subject - you make the rules. Tell him that you are not comfortable being picked up for a first meeting and you will be happy to meet him at the designated place. I would think most people doing OLD would be in this practice. I would tell him that I am comfortable driving myself to meet you, maybe upon our second meeting (if there is one) can I have you come over and pick me up or see my place. If he gives you a hard time, that tells you something else about him which you should be concerned about. As for drinking? One drink is fine, I think. Watch out for the person who drinks 1/2 - 3/4 of a bottle of wine in front of you.
Gaeta Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 Yikes, OP! How did you get away at last?!?! You said OP but I think you were asking me. While driving he took my purse and put it on back seat then he started grabbing my thighs. I had to think fast. It was raining hard so cars next to us could not really see me in distress, If I started hitting him I was afraid we'd have an accident on the highway. I decided to talk my way out of it. I told him my daughter was waiting for me for lunch and if I was not showing up she'd alert everyone and probably the police as her and I are in constant communication. I then played his ego and promised him I'd love to see him the next day and do anything he wanted.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 [quote=Gaeta;7482004 Now let me scare you real good. Once I met a guy at a coffee shop in the middle of the day for a first meeting. I had gone there by metro. When our meeting was over it was poring rain so he offered to drop me by car at the closest metro station. I stupidly accepted. The man never dropped me at my station, he got on the highway and held me against my will for 40 minutes before agreeing to get off the highway and let me go. When I finally got out of his car I was 50km from my home!! I had the scare of my life!! OMG!! That is terrifying! He could have killed you! What was your impression of it him before all of that? Did you file a police report?
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 Although I agree that YOU make the rules that are most comfortable for YOU, I don't think cancelling the date on the basis of him wanting to pick you up or scheduling a time for an alcoholic beverage past 7pm was warranted either. Going for a 'drink' doesn't mean you have to order alcohol and even if you do, it doesn't mean you need to get rip-roaring drunk. I've met many men for a cocktail or glass of wine after hours as a first date just as I have for coffee during the day. It just depends. I think Gaeta's experience is an extreme case and one to be mindful of. When you date long enough, you end up with a number of stories to share, both good and bad. That being said, don't assume every man is like this or has plans to kidnap you or stalk you. I'd like to think there are good men in the world otherwise why bother putting yourself out there to date at all? Every man you meet online is a stranger until you get to know them. Set some rules or boundaries for first dates that work for you and enjoy the ride.
Gaeta Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 OMG!! That is terrifying! He could have killed you! What was your impression of it him before all of that? Did you file a police report? He really had given me a good impression for me to accept his offer to drop me off at a place that was around the corner at 11h am. We also had corresponded like 3 weeks online before meeting and that probably gave me a false sense of security. I was an experienced online-dater may I add but got too comfortable. I could not do much, I only knew his name was Micheal which is a very common name and I didn't take his license plate. When I got out of his car I ran into the metro station without looking back. 1
Gaeta Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 That being said, don't assume every man is like this or has plans to kidnap you or stalk you. I'd like to think there are good men in the world otherwise why bother putting yourself out there to date at all? Of course a lot of men will offer to drop you off and they do it out of courtesy. My bf also offered to drop me off after our first meeting and I declined because of my bad experience. He then decided to walk me to my metro station under heavy rain just to make sure I'd make it there ok. Refusing his ride thought me something about him. I would not cancel a date because a man offered to pick me up but I'd cancel if he insisted after I said no. Same with the bar, if I say no and he insists, he's gone. 1
caveman621 Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 I agree with others who say it's up to you. But, yeah, I would not give him your address having not even met him. Meet daytime, night time, whenever, but in a VERY public place. And, IMHO, a drink is fine. Ten drinks is not! 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 He really had given me a good impression for me to accept his offer to drop me off at a place that was around the corner at 11h am. We also had corresponded like 3 weeks online before meeting and that probably gave me a false sense of security. I was an experienced online-dater may I add but got too comfortable. I could not do much, I only knew his name was Micheal which is a very common name and I didn't take his license plate. When I got out of his car I ran into the metro station without looking back. Wow, that's nuts. Well, make sure you call the police if you ever hear about a lady going missing after an online date if it happens near you! You never know what even the kind of car and the first name could do to help.
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