Slice Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 I don’t know exactly what I feel right now but it’s torture. I knew from the start that we wouldn’t last and that we weren’t meant to be. But I decided to get involved with him anyway. I never loved him and he definitely never loved me. It’s officially over now and I’m in shambles. I’m pretty sure he’s completely moved on. I’m hardly functioning. I feel a mixture of numbness, dread, pain, and deep fear. The fear stands out the most. I’m not sure why, but the thought of moving on TERRIFIES me. The idea of getting involved with a different guy and forgetting him gives me extreme anxiety. I want to move on and I know that I should. I’m 1000% sure we aren’t meant to be. But I can’t seem to let him go. The fear of moving on is so strong that I’d rather stick with him. I’m not even sure what I’m afraid of but I’m definitely afraid. It feels almost like an existential crisis. Like I’ll be in a whole new world when I move on. Like I won’t even be myself anymore. It’s so daunting. I’m pretty sure I don’t love him. If I did, wouldn’t I feel like we’re meant to be? Wouldn’t I see him in my future (I don’t)? I’ve never been in love so honestly I’m not sure but my gut tells me I don’t. How can I get past this awful fear and move on? Why do I even feel this way?
neowulf Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 How can I get past this awful fear and move on? Why do I even feel this way? If you're struggling this badly with the breakup, I seriously recommend speaking with a professional counselor. Something about this breakup appears to have triggered something in you. It could be a lot of things, or nothing. It's impossible for a stranger on the internet to know you or your situation well enough to explain what's causing this anxiety and fear. I think the first thing to do is try and figure out the root of the anxiety and fear. Is it really about this man? Or is something deeper going on? You don't say how old you are, but could you be experiencing a crisis of alignment? That is to say, the model of how you thought your life would be at this point in time, is completely out of step with your reality?
Popsicle Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 Sounds like you fear the unknown (something new) rather than being excited about it. Routine and the known gives you comfort. I have a friend like that. The distress that you feel from embarking on something new is greater than the distress that you feel from being an a not-so-perfect relationship. Also, it feels like a death to you so you are grieving losing him. Breakups ARE like deaths, actually.
Darkchan Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 I don’t know exactly what I feel right now but it’s torture. I knew from the start that we wouldn’t last and that we weren’t meant to be. But I decided to get involved with him anyway. I never loved him and he definitely never loved me. It’s officially over now and I’m in shambles. I’m pretty sure he’s completely moved on. I’m hardly functioning. I feel a mixture of numbness, dread, pain, and deep fear. The fear stands out the most. I’m not sure why, but the thought of moving on TERRIFIES me. The idea of getting involved with a different guy and forgetting him gives me extreme anxiety. I want to move on and I know that I should. I’m 1000% sure we aren’t meant to be. But I can’t seem to let him go. The fear of moving on is so strong that I’d rather stick with him. I’m not even sure what I’m afraid of but I’m definitely afraid. It feels almost like an existential crisis. Like I’ll be in a whole new world when I move on. Like I won’t even be myself anymore. It’s so daunting. I’m pretty sure I don’t love him. If I did, wouldn’t I feel like we’re meant to be? Wouldn’t I see him in my future (I don’t)? I’ve never been in love so honestly I’m not sure but my gut tells me I don’t. How can I get past this awful fear and move on? Why do I even feel this way? If you even consider that you don't love him and are sure your guts don't, then you don't love him. What you are feeling is separation anxiety, you are used to be in this relationship even if it was a short or long one, it affected yo probably more than you wanted. I'm not sure how it has been for you with previous guys, if you felt the same about them? That you never really loved them but got involved anyway? And you also mention that you never been in love before and therefore are very unsure about the whole situation.
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